Dumb Bum Stories

i was grocery shopping with my buddy and his wife, and when we came out of the store a bum asked us for money because he was hungry. so the wife (who is sick and tired of bums because we had been solicited all day) pulls out a broccoli and says, "oh you're hungry, huh? here's some broccoli! go ahead, eat it!" and the bum says, "don't gimme dat fuggin broccoli, gimme some money! i gota ta get me some muhfuggin mac donalds!" and she goes, "you're not really that hungry then, are you?" and then i said, "hey where are you going? this is a superfood!"

but he walked away

so we left without giving him anything

i have more along similar lines, but it takes a while to type on my phone
 
telos said:
Other crazy campus bum was awesome at playing the accordion so he was fun to have around the bus stop while you waited. :shrug:
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We have an accordion bum on campus back home, but he's not very good.

Also, it's a safe bet that in the 5 minutes it takes to walk through his audible range, he'll start playing the Godfather theme.
 
walked out of a grocery store and a bum started asking us for change to get food

handed him a raw onion

i started laughing my ass off
 
i would've taken a huge bite out of that onion, thrown it back in your grocery bag, then grabbed you and gave you a big wet lickery kiss.
 
i carry cash/change because it is usually faster than dealing with people fumbling about with my card and waiting 5 minutes for it to process b/c i live in durango and apparently all credit card processing is done on a dial-up phone line with used equipment taken from the dumpster behind a denver-area macy's in the late 1980s

also, it's totally baller to have wads of cash too big to fit in your pockets
 
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