Dumb Bum Stories

a friend and i were taking a smoke break out back of the place we worked. we opened the garage door that lead to the side alleyway to let the smoke out, and as soon as we did, this bum lady walked by with a smile on her face, waved, and said hi. she was completely butt naked.

we walked out a bit, stood there watching her walking, both thinking wtf and laughing. we turn around to look back towards the street entrance at work, the city hall is a 6 story building across the street, and everyone from the top to bottom floor was crowded at the windows watching her walk down the side street, too.

we just waved at everyone in the building and gave them a thumbs up while smoking our cigarettes, and everyone in the building waved back. then the cops came and picked her up, took her back to where her clothes were at the front of our building. she refused to put them on, started screaming that they were possessed. it was great.

crack's a hell of a drug.
 
Zombee said:
Wow, you're kind of a douche, huh? I'm guessing that he's a "bumb" for a reason, like maybe mentally incapacitated? Good thing he wasn't parapalegic, you'd have kicked his ass, huh tough guy????
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Yea I'm pretty sure if he was para I could have kicked his ass.

Other than that, I'm not just gonna move just because some crazy bum tells me to. unless he looks like he's gonna blast off onto orbit


Sent from my ADR6300
 
I'm sure all 4 foot 8 of you looked mean as hell. Good thing he wasn't 15 or you might have fucked him to prove him right.
 
One time I was hanging out with some bros on the roof where I worked in Berkeley. Drinking beer, smoking weed, the usual friday at work. Started pissing off the building into some trees (it was dark) and realized I was pissing on some bums in their camp.
 
Lemon said:
One time I was hanging out with some bros on the roof where I worked in Berkeley. Drinking beer, smoking weed, the usual friday at work. Started pissing off the building into some trees (it was dark) and realized I was pissing on some bums in their camp.
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You sure it wasn't a student at Cal? I heard they like to live in trees :lol:
 
El Mariachi said:
Yea I'm pretty sure if he was para I could have kicked his ass.

Other than that, I'm not just gonna move just because some crazy bum tells me to. unless he looks like he's gonna blast off onto orbit


Sent from my ADR6300
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Because it's much better for the ego to stand up to him rather than just say, "Sorry man, here you go" and let him be.
 
SkivviS said:
i have a knack for attracting the crazy bums. two incidents that come to mind are:

1) on my way to the atlanta airport, while having lunch, a bum comes up and asks if i have any change so he can get on the marta to head across town. i tell him sorry, no change. he starts walking off. i then realize i wil have two or three extra marta coins after my trip to the airport. so i call him back and tell him i forgot these. he holds out his hands and looks at them like theyre fucking toxic. throws them into the street and says "fuck you man! what am i going to buy with marta coins!" and walks away flipping me off.

2) while living in hawaii my brother came out to visit. we went over to ala moana mall. there was this bum following around these girls and being really creepy/threatening. so my brother says something to the guy along the lines of "leave them alone" the bum flips out, starts rambling his veteran spiel and continues to follow us around the mall threatening to stab us with dirty needles. my brother could have dropped him easily, but was afraid of potential dirty needles. we couldnt find any security or police (big surprise...not), so we eventually dodged him and were able to avoid his detection...while he continued to wander around the mall yelling that he's going to stab us and looking for us in the trash cans.....
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not that crazy of stories... they make sense if you understand that almost all bums make up stories to get cash ... they accumulate the change to buy drugs.

churches know better than most that bums are usually just drug addicted degenerates - if they were REALLY hungry there are tons of shelters/churches that would provide free food.

"i'm hungry" and any other story they might have are almost always just covers because they don't want to say "need money for crack"
 
Poor bum. All he wanted was to be able to possess something, even if not in a legitimate sort of way. IF you would have simply moved, you would have vindicated him because it would have been another person acknowledging that that poor bum did have something he could call his.

That, or he was trying to intimidate you....or he was just looney....or maybe he even needed to stand there in order for the time machine to send him back to past so that he could fix the economy.
 
Calx said:
not that crazy of stories... they make sense if you understand that almost all bums make up stories to get cash ... they accumulate the change to buy drugs.

churches know better than most that bums are usually just drug addicted degenerates - if they were REALLY hungry there are tons of shelters/churches that would provide free food.

"i'm hungry" and any other story they might have are almost always just covers because they don't want to say "need money for crack"
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being chased around was pretty crazy. the first one was just funny. and im well aware of the nature of bums.

hows this for crazy then. while in the waiting room at a hospital, a bum keeps staring me down. finally starts yelling at the top of his lungs that he knows me and that i need to stop harassing him everywhere he goes. calls me some kind of a cult leader (which makes everyone start giving me awesome stares)...then proceeds to piss all over himself while mean-mugging me. then security came and took him into the back.
 
Some friends and I went to get pizza at around 3 am, and as we were eating our pizza right outside the place, the tallest bum I've ever seen showed up and asked my friend to give him the pizza. And by ask I mean he just got really really close to him and kept repeating "gimme your food." My friend walked away, so the bum comes over to me and does the same thing. I backed away and told him to fuck off, so he goes on to my other friend, who also starts dodging him. Not only was it the tallest bum I'd ever seen, he was also filthy as hell even by bum standards, so nobody wanted to try pushing him off.
At this point he notices that the girls we're waiting on have come outside, and he goes over to them to do the same thing, except now he's following them as they try to avoid him and getting even closer. We get between them and the bum and try to get him to fuck off, hoping we don't have to touch this filthy bastard, which for some reason prompts him to start casually taking off his clothes while still repeating "gimme your food" over and over.
Then he just stands there for a bit in his underwear, looking like he's about to hurl, and slowly turns around to go pester the next group of people who exit the pizza place.
This goes on for like 10 more minutes before he just lays down across the doorway to the pizza place and passes out.

In retrospect, it's not particularly crazy.
But man was he tall.
 
bam said:
I'm sure all 4 foot 8 of you looked mean as hell. Good thing he wasn't 15 or you might have fucked him to prove him right.
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you have me confused with joe pescis character from goodfellas.

imagine woody allen saying it.

Sent from my ADR6300
 
In college I would ride the bus from work down to campus because it was a million times cheaper than trying to park near campus. While I was waiting to catch the bus back to my truck this crazy bum who was always wondering around campus walks up next to me carrying half a tree and just stands there talking to it. I get on the bus and he follows me on. He obviously doesn't have the fare but the bus driver isn't going to get into it with him again and just calls the cops to meet him further down the line. In the mean time this guy is getting mad at his tree and starting to yell. every one moves to the back of the bus to get away from him. 2 or 3 stops go by and the guy is now punching his tree. Eventually a few windows get broken and the guy gets drug off the bus by the cops. Didn't see that guy again for a few months.

Other crazy campus bum was awesome at playing the accordion so he was fun to have around the bus stop while you waited. :shrug:
 
what schools are these where you have bums all over the place
i went to state school and we didn't have bums
probably because they all froze to death in the winter
 
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