need advice dealing with alcoholic?
- Thread starter triple
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it don't never go away
all that "replace the root with another root" psychobabble bullshit is wrong.
a real alcoholic drinks because they enjoy it. yes they may be insecure, yes they may do it to be creative/feel social. but in the end, what keeps the alcoholic coming back is that they love to drink, and those black out nights that should cement in them a desire not to drink are barely remembered, so when weighing the option of whether or not to pick up a beer, the good times come out on top. if you want your friend to stop drinking, he needs to start doing normal things that make him feel elated and accomplished while being challenged and having fun. alcohol provides those things without the effort, and it's really all anyone ever wants out of drinking it
all that "replace the root with another root" psychobabble bullshit is wrong.
a real alcoholic drinks because they enjoy it. yes they may be insecure, yes they may do it to be creative/feel social. but in the end, what keeps the alcoholic coming back is that they love to drink, and those black out nights that should cement in them a desire not to drink are barely remembered, so when weighing the option of whether or not to pick up a beer, the good times come out on top. if you want your friend to stop drinking, he needs to start doing normal things that make him feel elated and accomplished while being challenged and having fun. alcohol provides those things without the effort, and it's really all anyone ever wants out of drinking it
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the best thing you can do is be there for them. that doesn't mean you need to watch them fall apart; hell, you dont even need to be around him/her (which might help for the to see where they are) but just let him know that when the time comes, you are there.
here is the difficult part: is he still productive? does he still work, pay his bills etc. etc. etc? if this is true then he has not seen rock bottom because he is still functioning so its really hard for him to make up his mind at this point.
some people, like myself, dont need to hit rock bottom, i just needed to see my actions from a different perspective. maybe you can film him when he is really in rare form, play it back for him while he is sober.
let me ask this: does he NEED to drink? like, can his body not function without alcohol? can he go all day without drinking then get home and begin to drink? if this is the case then is very tricky to get off the booze without medical attention.
here is the difficult part: is he still productive? does he still work, pay his bills etc. etc. etc? if this is true then he has not seen rock bottom because he is still functioning so its really hard for him to make up his mind at this point.
some people, like myself, dont need to hit rock bottom, i just needed to see my actions from a different perspective. maybe you can film him when he is really in rare form, play it back for him while he is sober.
let me ask this: does he NEED to drink? like, can his body not function without alcohol? can he go all day without drinking then get home and begin to drink? if this is the case then is very tricky to get off the booze without medical attention.
I said at the very least do that, which is really what your saying by replacing the drinking with activities...in the end that can help prolong the persons life. All the while the "root" of the issue is never removed which would enable the person to drink without being controlled by it. Which in your example above is an inordinate need to feel elated and accomplished, coupled with laziness.
this
although I did know/briefly live with a crack-dealing heroin addict for a while who now runs his own AA group and is helping hundreds of other people
mileage varies from person to person
social workers and therapists and the like throw around AA and NA like its some kind of mecca for treating addiction
you get some alkie walk in there and they tell them they're never going to drink again, even responsibly, (because they are not capable of being responsible) and also they have to turn to god for help
i can't believe the program has any kind of success rate. why don't they start a program for people who drink too much and need some support cutting down and controlling what they drink?
i'm sure plenty of people have 1 drink and then they have to have so many they can't physically drink anymore but there is no way that's all of them. by AA's definition almost every social male I know needs to quit drinking forever and turn to god.
i heard this varies a lot from group to group, I'm going off their website and popular depiction of them in the media. I never actually have been to their meetings. frankly, just reading their website really turns me off.
you get some alkie walk in there and they tell them they're never going to drink again, even responsibly, (because they are not capable of being responsible) and also they have to turn to god for help
i can't believe the program has any kind of success rate. why don't they start a program for people who drink too much and need some support cutting down and controlling what they drink?
i'm sure plenty of people have 1 drink and then they have to have so many they can't physically drink anymore but there is no way that's all of them. by AA's definition almost every social male I know needs to quit drinking forever and turn to god.
i heard this varies a lot from group to group, I'm going off their website and popular depiction of them in the media. I never actually have been to their meetings. frankly, just reading their website really turns me off.
My own experience is that the above is spot-on. I won't deny that AA has helped a lot of people, but it certainly wasn't for me.
Kerosene31
Veteran XV
I can't imagine AA meetings doing anything to me but making me depressed and thirsty.
Got Haggis?
Veteran XX
i have a friend that I want to help, but not really sure how....
it started off he got divorced after 6 months...on his wedding night, his wife told him that she didn't love him and didn't really like him (what)
he lived in the suburbs at the time.....when they divorced, he moved to the city. he started drinking a lot, but mainly just on weekends and not too bad (about the same as the rest of my friends) - then about a year later, his dad died. around this time he started drinking all the time......then started to get real annoying when he was drunk...and stopped taking showers all the time....we would meet up at a bar and he would be trashed already, because he was sitting at home drinking manhattens alone. now its gotten to a point where almost no one wants to hang out with him because he's always extremely wasted and super annoying. if he comes out, he will try to hit on girls that are way out of his league and just ends up making a fool out of himself. he usually starts crying in public as well. a few months ago he got laid off at his job - he had a negative performance review....he would just not go into work for days, would leave early, never stay late, etc. well for the past 3 months he hasn't even been looking for a job, just drinks all the time and plays computer games.
i think the main problem is that he is probably depressed but refuses to go see anyone because he has a security clearance and is afraid he will lose it if he sees someone (what).
the other problem is that there are a few mutual friends that think its funny when he is drunk and stupid, so they always invite him out, give him beer, shots, etc.
I want to help him, but in the end there isn't anything I can do if he won't help himself.
it started off he got divorced after 6 months...on his wedding night, his wife told him that she didn't love him and didn't really like him (what)
he lived in the suburbs at the time.....when they divorced, he moved to the city. he started drinking a lot, but mainly just on weekends and not too bad (about the same as the rest of my friends) - then about a year later, his dad died. around this time he started drinking all the time......then started to get real annoying when he was drunk...and stopped taking showers all the time....we would meet up at a bar and he would be trashed already, because he was sitting at home drinking manhattens alone. now its gotten to a point where almost no one wants to hang out with him because he's always extremely wasted and super annoying. if he comes out, he will try to hit on girls that are way out of his league and just ends up making a fool out of himself. he usually starts crying in public as well. a few months ago he got laid off at his job - he had a negative performance review....he would just not go into work for days, would leave early, never stay late, etc. well for the past 3 months he hasn't even been looking for a job, just drinks all the time and plays computer games.
i think the main problem is that he is probably depressed but refuses to go see anyone because he has a security clearance and is afraid he will lose it if he sees someone (what).
the other problem is that there are a few mutual friends that think its funny when he is drunk and stupid, so they always invite him out, give him beer, shots, etc.
I want to help him, but in the end there isn't anything I can do if he won't help himself.
Automatic Jack
Veteran X
relapse is a natural part of addiction, making ultimatums isn't helpful.
how would you describe it
it's just a bunch of people who want to stop drinking sharing their life experiences with one another. Some people are day to day, others have years and years of sobriety to share. Most meetings are pretty fucking funny, just a bunch of idiots sharing how stupid they have been and what they are doing now to be less stupid.
Again some meetings are better then others, some people are easier to deal with then other
The "God" thing is really just about having a higher power and being accountable to someone other then yourself, what ever shape or form each individual needs it to be
It does work, not for everybody, but a ton of people, for no out of pocket expenses to themselves, or tax payers money. It can help someone who is a burden to society become a productive member