OT: Very Sick Jokes(WARNING)

whats grosser than gross?
when you kiss your grandma on the lips and she slips the tongue

whats grosser than gross?
when you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner

whats grosser than gross?
when you throw your underwear against the wall and it sticks
 
Whats 12 inches long, Purple and covered in veins, and can make a woman scream all night long?











































Crib Death.
 
This guy walks into a whore house and goes up to madamn and says, "mamn, I'm very deperate, and I only have $10, what can I get?" She gives him a key to room 204 and says have fun. He walks into the room and much to his delight he finds a geourgous woman with long blond hair. He begins his buisness but she is as dry as the saharah. Frowning, she apologizes and runs off to the bathroom, returning a minute later. He starts up once again, and she's sliker than silk. After enjoying the best sex of his life, he asks her what she did to get herself excited in the bathroom. She replies "oh, I usually pop those before my customers get here";)
 
P Masta Flex said:
A guy getts his paycheck from work and decides to go drinking. So he cashes his check and goes to the nearest bar. Five hours later he is drunk out of his mind and down to $5. He turns to the bartender and tell him that he is extreamly horney and wants to get some pussy. The bartender recomends him to the whore house down the street. So the drunk staggers down to the whore house where he meets the pimp and askes him what he can get for $5. The pimp tells him only Big Bertha can satisfy you for $5 and points him to her room. So he goes down the hall and finds a door with Big Bertha written on it. He opens the door and stink rolls out! She is 500 pounds, 60 years old, nasty and hairy but he is so drunk he doesnt even care. He slaps down the $5 and says fuck me the best you can. So she pulls down her giant panties and he sticks it in. Immediately he pulles out and screams "AHHHHHhhhh that's disqusting!"

It was dry, scratchy and hairy, not to mention loose as hell. So she goes "Ok, ok, I'll fix it." She waddles over to the bathroom and 5 minutes later she comes out and she goes, Ok now try. So the guys sticks it in again, this time it is nice and warm and really wet. He goes "Ohhh yea, that's much better, what did you do?" She said "I picked the scabs and let the pus run"!!!
Click to expand...

let me just edit that for ya
 
Maybe already posted but I haven't read the entire thread.

How do you make a little girl cry?











You fuck her. How do you make her cry harder?

















You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.
 
There was a lonely trucker who pulled into town one night and was feeling quite lonely, so he decided to go to the whorehouse. When he walked in, he slapped $500 down on the counter and asked the lady in charge for the meanest, ugliest, fattest bitch she had, and a balogne sandwich. The madam exclaimed "Sir, for $500 you could have the most beautiful girls in here and a T-bone steak!" but the man would have none of it. He told her again and she again asked why. The man replied "Listen bitch, I'm not horny, I'm homesick!"
 
Don't mind the word "nigger" so much...its a list of jokes i have that i took directly from

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start / slow day

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What's black and tan and looks good on a nigger?
A Doberman Pinscher.

OK, I'm going to bed...have fun
 
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

9. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

10. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

12. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50. that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'No. The steaks are too high.'

15. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms".

16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

19. A three-legged dog walks into the Longbranch Saloon and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

20. A duck walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist, "Give me some Chapstick and put it on my bill."
 
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a mexican?
The world's greatest lettuce picker.

Why do mexicans drive around in low riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cause it was dead.
 
Metropolis said:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cause it was dead.
Click to expand...

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?






















It was tied to the first monkey.


Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?






















He thought it was a game.
 
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