[OMG] Dungeons and Dragons - Teh Movie

[PeuswahBoy]

The other night I sat down and browsed through on demand. I stumbled upon a movie that intrigued me, in that I knew it would be bad, but I had no idea that it could reach the depths of suckage that it did: Dungeons and Dragons.

I remember seeing the trailers back in 2000 or so and thinking that it looked pretty bad. I mean, c'mon here...Marlon Wayans? Anyway, my thought process was that it would at least be entertaining, to an extent. Holy shit was I wrong. The entire movie, I kept waiting for the moment of awesomeness that I was sure was coming, and it never came. Seriously, everything about it was unwashed hobo during summertime in New York.

The ONLY thing that can be said positively about this piece of ass is that the story was on par with some of the more mediocre modules put out by TSR. That being said, here is a list of the negatives:

1) Marlon Wayans
2) Casting in general
3) The "epic" soundtrack that strived for epicness and delivered "we're trying hard to be epic, but you and I both know it's not going to happen"-ness
4) Marlon Wayans
5) The acting...just horrible
6) Special effects. Seriously. Star Wars (which came out in 1978 if I'm not mistaken) had *much* better special effects than this piece of garbage.
7) Cinematography
8) Marlon Wayans...as a thief
9) Dialogue / Script - They couldn't decide whether to be Tolkienesque or modern day, so they went with both
10) Whoever the actor was that played the dwarf was unintentionally hilarious.
11) I'm pretty sure that every scene was shot in one take.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more. Oh, and btw my wife and kids are awesome...they bought me a 16gig iPhone for an early fathers day gift.

 

[JodoFett]

Getting presents purchased with your own money is awesome.

 

[Wrathchild]

It's a shame, so much potential there. The cartoon in the 80s was a major dissapointment too. The height of D&Ds time and the cartoon involved people from modern day (80s modern day at least) transported into the world of D&D with strange new powers.

 

[PeuswahBoy]

Getting presents purchased with your own money is awesome.

It's the thought that counts...(I thought that myself, though)

 

[PeuswahBoy]

It's a shame, so much potential there. The cartoon in the 80s was a major dissapointment too. The height of D&Ds time and the cartoon involved people from modern day (80s modern day at least) transported into the world of D&D with strange new powers.

I loved those when I was a kid (Ralph Malph as a paladin is still awesome). Even the cartoons were better than this steaming pile of awful.

 

[Rorschach]

yah old movie, like you said the story wasn't entirely bad but the rest of the movie pretty much was.

 

[Wrathchild]

I seem to remember the paladin and the wizard being ok, it was the bratty kid that was a barbarian that killed it. He was such a whiney bitch and then he would beat his club on the ground and be all bad ass. Tiamat was in it though, so .

Nerd childhood ++

 

[TseTse]

i was hardcore into original AD&D back in the day.

oh... and Wizardry (apple game) was the revolution everybody forgets.

that was the first major RPG in the true D&D style, and it had "3d" like graphics.

 

[LogRoller]

i fell asleep in this movie

 

[Fool]

Marlon Wayans put out the best acting performance in that movie, and that includes Jeremy Irons.

 

[Viggy]

The best part of that movie was the 3 second Beholder cameo.

 

[Kelven]

didn't see it.

 

[ThisIsNotMyName]

wow, way to get a first gen iPhone when the second gen is about to come out. thank your wife and kids for sucking fucking balls

 

[Zero-Optix]

I feel ashamed that i went to the movies to see it.

 

[Marweas]

That reminds me, I have Dungeons & Dragons The Movie 2 somewhere at home. I think I'll watch that tonight. I'm expecting a masterpiece.

 

[PeuswahBoy]

wow, way to get a first gen iPhone when the second gen is about to come out. thank your wife and kids for sucking fucking balls

lol...

I believe your fetish porn "girlfriend" is the one who was "sucking fucking balls". Also, I have yet another way now to get a picture on the web...you?

 

[PeuswahBoy]

The best part of that movie was the 3 second Beholder cameo.

No shit...another piece of awful in this masterpiece of ass.

 

[JudgeU]

I really wish Hollywood would put more emphasis on fantasy films. It's my favorite genre, and they need to step it up. Some of the biggest movies/books of all time are fantasy: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, all the Harry Potters. I mean, it's not like the fan base isn't there.

 

[PeuswahBoy]

I really wish Hollywood would put more emphasis on fantasy films. It's my favorite genre, and they need to step it up. Some of the biggest movies/books of all time are fantasy: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, all the Harry Potters. I mean, it's not like the fan base isn't there.

Agreed, but it's easier for them to regurgitate the same shit over and over again. Hell, Lord of the Rings almost never saw the light of day...

 

[Lobster]

I really wish Hollywood would put more emphasis on fantasy films. It's my favorite genre, and they need to step it up. Some of the biggest movies/books of all time are fantasy: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, all the Harry Potters. I mean, it's not like the fan base isn't there.

The fanbase isn't there.

Star Wars was a one-off in terms of hitting the popular consciousness, Tolkien has by far the biggest pull in the fantasy genre, and Harry Potter attracted a very wide audience to children's literature and fantasy by being books that had very little to do with children's literature and fantasy.