Kids are super different. Your results may vary - significantly.
I think our 10yr old is on the spectrum. She's very smart but has terrible meltdowns, that sometimes last for hours, and it's not a 'tantrum' because there is no reward that she seeks. She just gets stuck into a loop of repeating behavior/yelling/screaming/ and the only thing that helps is to put her into a dark room by herself until she calms down. Sometimes at night, when we're all settling into bed, she will start screaming no one wants to sleep with her and then she will just go into everyone else's bedrooms screaming and crying no one wants to sleep with her. But then if you say, "sure, you can sleep here" she goes to "DONT TALK TO ME, YOURE MAKING FUN OF ME" etc. Then its just her for hours at a time hot tears, screaming, crying. Then all of a sudden, its like nothing has happened, she's back to normal, except everyone else is super tired/anxious/exhausted having to deal with it. Doesn't happen every day but maybe 2-3 times a week she has a major meltdown.
If I even physically touch her in the slightest way, ie. I just slightly brush her hand or reach over her and touch her with the side of my arm, or anything, it sends her into a screaming hysterical meltdown. I am a major 'trigger' to her meltdowns. She constantly is finding anything to be irrate/angry/upset about and is 100% of the time seeking confrontation and arguments. Could be anything, if she asks for something, I'll ask if she can say it a nice way, with 'please'. She will decline, say I don't deserve please, she'll start on about my egg head, etc, say i'm a bad father, I ruined her life, etc, She will never say 'sorry' or 'excuse me'. If she hurts one of the younger kids, she will assert it's their fault, she will try to get them to go on her side and say they hate me too. Eventually I'll have to give her a firm 'pat' on the head to put an end to the arguing and then she goes back to crying and muttering that no one loves her. She just sucks all the oxygen out of the room and no one can think/operate/do anything, she just wastes so much time being angry/melting down. Mom settles her down, then reports back to me - Hey, she says you're not giving her enough attention, She says youre not spending enough time with her, She says you're not doing this/ doing that/ etc. So she spins her bad behavior and justifies it by blaming me. I think the worst part, is that there is no reasonable answer to the bad behavior. Mom seeks to find validation/ causes/ behind the bad behavior and she finds that by placing it on me. I think the hard truth is that there is no reasonable explanation/cause to the behavior because it's a mental condition and it's no one's fault - but she finds it difficult to believe but she is coming around to the fact now that I have shown her autistic meltdown patterns. We had a trip without the 10yr old and mom really got to witness herself how much more calm/peaceful/normal everything is without the 10yr old. We could talk to each other without being constantly interrupted every 2 seconds. It's possible she will one day out grow the behavior, its just her emotional development is delayed significantly, by like, 5 years.
She really just has so much trouble trying to do back and forth conversation. She doesn't understand the least bit about civil discourse. If I say something while she's talking, to add to the conversation, BOOM, meltdown. YOU INTERRUPTED ME WHEN I WAS TALKING I WAS TALKING I WAS TALKING I WAS TALKING NOW I FORGOT WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
The 5yr old twins on the other hand, are just so easy going and kind and use good manners and words like please/thank yous/ they listen to me, give hugs, have coherent back and forth conversations. They have little spats between each other but they blow over quickly, in 10secs I give them a little talk and they're back to playing. They sort of know that the older sibling has issues and so they're immune to the hysterics and just ignore her when it happens. They have their good moments together (all three). But still, its hard to take her anywhere because its always such a massive struggle with her behavior problems. Just like, having her sit down in a seat, that could lead to a 1hr car ride of fighting. Kicking the back of a seat, yelling, screaming, fighting, she wants a different seat, she never gets any rewards, we hate her, her sister is ugly, im ugly and stupid, her brother is stupid, it just goes on and on and on.
