Mangle-Me-Elmo
Veteran XX
AVATAR
i just saw it. i took some notes then came here. it's not meant to be accurate
Part I: Racist
i just saw it. i took some notes then came here. it's not meant to be accurate
It's in 3d and it's really colorful and stuff. There, I have gotten all of its good qualities out of the way. It should be noted, though, that the 3d doesn't seem to be compatible with my illegally downloaded copy. Yes, I stole it, but before you say that since I didn't pay for anything and, as such, have no right to complain about anything, well I have an internet connection and a keyboard. That means that my opinion is just as important and valid as any has ever been. Actually, it is moreso since I will have written more down about how awful AVATAR is and most likey used way more swear words.
Part I: Racist
If you haven't seen AVATAR yet, it's a what happened when Goeroge Lucas and James Cameron got together and made about bet about who could spend the most money while making the worst movie. There are some blue cat people living on some planet that has some stuff on it. There, you're up to speed on highly engaging and though provoking story. As I'd mentioned, it is also presented in THREE DIMENSIONS~~~! That's what most people probably know about the movie since it is what they spent the most time making sure that people know about it. The name is my frist real gripe. It's a bad name. It is also a stupid name. I would have called it something like Derelict Dangers in Deguloron 4. (D.D.D. 3d.. get it. I should be in pictures) Yes, AVATAR has something to do with the plot where humans control nonrobotic robot blue ppl that look like the natives of the planet for some reason. They say in the movie that it's so the native ppl will think that they're one of them and feel more comfortable so the humans can get them to move. Not a single one of those objectives were ahcieved. The native american blue indians do not trust the fake native blue people and they sure as shit haven't moved. They also mention that the AVATARS are grossly expensive. Being the major corporation funding this whole thing, I would have scrapped the project, but that would have followed lines of reasoning and logic. Anyways, that's the AVATAR program and it consists of Jake, that creepy guy from Dodgeball that says AVATAR like nine times in a row when he's first introduced, and Ripley from Alien. Who cares.
The native ppl are blue humans with some cat features. Other than that, they look act and sound like American Indians. That's a problem with this entire fatastical world that James Cameron took like 9 years to crreate. It's alien and bizzare, but everything in it is directly equatable to something on Earth because he does not trust that an audience will be able to follow something out of the ordinary. The creatures that attack Jack in the jungle look, act and sound like dogs. SPACE DOGS! The space horses are a crazy breed that look, act, and sound like horses. WHOA SPACE HORSES! I'm pretty sure i've killed every single thing that Jack encounters on SPACE EARTH in a Final Fantasy game at some point.
The bad guys in the film display, better than any thing else could, that James Cameron has become a pathological reverse racist. The bad guys are evil rich white people. While watching AVATAR, I didn't notice a single off color guy in the bunch. But there is a single black dude who looks pretty stoked about blowing up the gay tree near the end, but he was probably raised by whites. The blue natives with pure souls and the moral high ground are all played by blacks. Not that there is a problem with that, but they don't even show up in the movie. They could have had and elephant with a marionette dangling off its tusks play chief kublai khan for all he did in the film. But no, every single native had to have the spirit of a nonwhite. Now, there could be a few that were actually played by white folks, but I only checked on three and all three were black. My little pie chart that I made is all one color, meaning that my sample size of three statistically brought back a return of 100%. Only three white people get to be good guys and that's only because they were touched by loving, truthfull nature of the colored indigeons. James Cameron is a guilty conscience reverse racist.
Part II: LazyThe native ppl are blue humans with some cat features. Other than that, they look act and sound like American Indians. That's a problem with this entire fatastical world that James Cameron took like 9 years to crreate. It's alien and bizzare, but everything in it is directly equatable to something on Earth because he does not trust that an audience will be able to follow something out of the ordinary. The creatures that attack Jack in the jungle look, act and sound like dogs. SPACE DOGS! The space horses are a crazy breed that look, act, and sound like horses. WHOA SPACE HORSES! I'm pretty sure i've killed every single thing that Jack encounters on SPACE EARTH in a Final Fantasy game at some point.
The bad guys in the film display, better than any thing else could, that James Cameron has become a pathological reverse racist. The bad guys are evil rich white people. While watching AVATAR, I didn't notice a single off color guy in the bunch. But there is a single black dude who looks pretty stoked about blowing up the gay tree near the end, but he was probably raised by whites. The blue natives with pure souls and the moral high ground are all played by blacks. Not that there is a problem with that, but they don't even show up in the movie. They could have had and elephant with a marionette dangling off its tusks play chief kublai khan for all he did in the film. But no, every single native had to have the spirit of a nonwhite. Now, there could be a few that were actually played by white folks, but I only checked on three and all three were black. My little pie chart that I made is all one color, meaning that my sample size of three statistically brought back a return of 100%. Only three white people get to be good guys and that's only because they were touched by loving, truthfull nature of the colored indigeons. James Cameron is a guilty conscience reverse racist.
What brings these three groups together on SPACE EARTH? Why, it's the never ending search for more wealth by the greedy white corporation. Unobtanium! The headlines read. Vast fields of the substance! More than enough for all on Pandora the land of unobtaniu-wait what? Seriously. It's called unobtanium. Un- cannot be, ontained, the suffix ium- used in the formation of names of metals. This rare and difficult to aquire ore is litterally called a metal that is hard to get. Now, either one of tow things is going on here. Either James Cameron had a meeting and was like, "Yea, unobtanium. That's a great name. It really sounds like it's hard to get! Run with it while I go and try to smoke these Susan B. Anthony dollars in my gilded, six-foot bong." Or, just maybe, he realized what an extremely heavy handed name it was, but still decided to use it because it would make the back drop of his world seem so rich that this was the name that the metal was originally given simply as a joke but it somehow managed to stick just like the Shamwow. I don't really know which scenario is more infuriating. The first merely suggests that, once again, Cameron does not respect his audience because he's makign a movie for toddlers who would never be able to understand that this metal is the driving force for the entire film(It isn't, by the way.) If this is true, and he is just making a movie for toddlers, then that opens an entirely new can of worms. James Cameron is arguable an artist, and art only ever flourished in human society because it allowed men who were not physically or in some cases mentally up to parr withthe more dominant males to get a mate. When it comes down to it the only real application of art is to illicit an emoition from another human and if that emotion was powerful enough, maybe that person will fuck you. Now, legally I cannot say that James Cameron wants to fuck toddlers. It's libelous to say taht James Camerion is a pedophile if i have no proof. So I won't say that James Cameron, director of such films as Terminator 2: Terminator Theme park and Ed Harriss Presents: James Cameron's Abyss, has relationships of a sexual nature with extreme minors. I wonder how many times something has to show up before it ends up on google trends. . . The possible use of the name unobtanium was just James Camerion using multi-level writing in order to really absorb me into the story. Unfortunabley, he's never used anything similar before, and this just hit me against the side of the head like that time my cousin and I were sword fighting with the butts of BB guns. So let's not give this child molestor too much credit.
Note: I do not actually believe that James Cameron is a Pedophile.
So, the character Jake gets all AVATAR and meets nina the nonAVATAR. He needs to convince her to leave her village since it's sitting on the mother load of unobtanium. I'm going to treat the next two scenes with the respect that I was shown by them.
"heylet me com to your place. no you cannot cmoe what is tha t seed fallen on you come to my village. ok lol ur village is cool can i say. we ar ethe ppl of the villatge and we say no. bummer, bros. yea we know youre one of those humans controlling a fake one of us and that's creepy and shit so fuck out. but i'm a warrior lol. we hate the human warriors a lot so you can stay and learn all of our secrets from us have you seen these blueprints for the structural integrity of your massive tree!?"
Clearly the native peoples are blithering morons, and yet the message in the movie is that they're better than insanely rich and powerful, porche driving, probably like 80% unobtanium composite putter having Giovani Ribisi.
At this point in the movie James Cameron gets lazy and just asks you to jump to standard movie conclusions. You already know that Jake and blue lead female are going to fall in love, so why bother showing it. SO HE FUCKING DOESN'T. I guess all the good stuff happens whent he cameras were off, but since the love story is essential to explain the actions of Jake later on, I can't let this slide. They steal like three or four glances at eachother during some retarded montage of events that were in glorious THREE DIMENSIONS! and when he's finally a member of the tribe, her blue pussy juices are flowing and they fuck. Which is fucking awkward because he is not a real native person. He's a crippled human sleeping in an MRI machine 100 miles away. This is like some slug creature from the horseshoe nebula controlling a George Clooney android and going around sexing up all the single ladies. There's just something. . . off putting about it and that's exactly how it felt to watch these weird blue ppl getting it on in my mind while I was in the shower after the movie. And I'm assume they use their head tendrils that the cram into every creature they can lay their hands on in order to have sex. Since combining head tendrils with a SPACE HORSE let's you control it, wouldn't it let you control another native person. Rape rates must be sky fucking high on Pandora if all you have to do is grab a bitch's ponytail for four seconds and then she's ready to get down. Man, I would have made a way better movie with this shit.
So, some things happen in 3d followed by some more stuff that doens't matter that I think may have actually been in 4d for a split-second and we finally end up at the battle for Endor. The mean white people are going to drop two pallets of explosives on some sacred or other thing. That's literally their plan. With all the distant future technology at their disposal, they're going to just drop two pallets of explosives on the area. Bombs? No thank you. Detonators? Don't need 'em. Now, why are they going to blow up this sacred tree? Don't know, do you? That's because all of the suspense of the moment is hidden in a mumbled line by Dodgeball McTallkward about how the natives will die or something if the tree does. He's pretty vague on the details, since writing is hard sometimes. Does the commading G.I. Joe action figure in the helicopter militia know this? Not according to the movie, but he's headed there regardless to do the exact right thing. I guess we're just along for the ride, James Cameron. I am a roast. Baste me. During this whole Operation Drop Some Shit on that Tree go Explode Yeah Yeah, Jake is floating around an Tutenkamen and going all, "SCRreeeeeeee!" and dropping bombs when Major Rake Face sees the orange dragon thin he rides and says, "That's him. Get him." He didn't even know that Jake was alive two minutes ago. It only happens like this so that we can avoid a lengthy 20 second scene where they recognize eachother again and THEN launch into a techno missle battle.
All while this is going on, there are ground forces fighting down below. This a bombing mission and, last that I saw, the natives didn't have any surface to air missles. All of these forces are committed to slaughtering eachother for no reason whatsoever. In 3d.
Part III: PedophileNote: I do not actually believe that James Cameron is a Pedophile.
So, the character Jake gets all AVATAR and meets nina the nonAVATAR. He needs to convince her to leave her village since it's sitting on the mother load of unobtanium. I'm going to treat the next two scenes with the respect that I was shown by them.
"heylet me com to your place. no you cannot cmoe what is tha t seed fallen on you come to my village. ok lol ur village is cool can i say. we ar ethe ppl of the villatge and we say no. bummer, bros. yea we know youre one of those humans controlling a fake one of us and that's creepy and shit so fuck out. but i'm a warrior lol. we hate the human warriors a lot so you can stay and learn all of our secrets from us have you seen these blueprints for the structural integrity of your massive tree!?"
Clearly the native peoples are blithering morons, and yet the message in the movie is that they're better than insanely rich and powerful, porche driving, probably like 80% unobtanium composite putter having Giovani Ribisi.
At this point in the movie James Cameron gets lazy and just asks you to jump to standard movie conclusions. You already know that Jake and blue lead female are going to fall in love, so why bother showing it. SO HE FUCKING DOESN'T. I guess all the good stuff happens whent he cameras were off, but since the love story is essential to explain the actions of Jake later on, I can't let this slide. They steal like three or four glances at eachother during some retarded montage of events that were in glorious THREE DIMENSIONS! and when he's finally a member of the tribe, her blue pussy juices are flowing and they fuck. Which is fucking awkward because he is not a real native person. He's a crippled human sleeping in an MRI machine 100 miles away. This is like some slug creature from the horseshoe nebula controlling a George Clooney android and going around sexing up all the single ladies. There's just something. . . off putting about it and that's exactly how it felt to watch these weird blue ppl getting it on in my mind while I was in the shower after the movie. And I'm assume they use their head tendrils that the cram into every creature they can lay their hands on in order to have sex. Since combining head tendrils with a SPACE HORSE let's you control it, wouldn't it let you control another native person. Rape rates must be sky fucking high on Pandora if all you have to do is grab a bitch's ponytail for four seconds and then she's ready to get down. Man, I would have made a way better movie with this shit.
So, some things happen in 3d followed by some more stuff that doens't matter that I think may have actually been in 4d for a split-second and we finally end up at the battle for Endor. The mean white people are going to drop two pallets of explosives on some sacred or other thing. That's literally their plan. With all the distant future technology at their disposal, they're going to just drop two pallets of explosives on the area. Bombs? No thank you. Detonators? Don't need 'em. Now, why are they going to blow up this sacred tree? Don't know, do you? That's because all of the suspense of the moment is hidden in a mumbled line by Dodgeball McTallkward about how the natives will die or something if the tree does. He's pretty vague on the details, since writing is hard sometimes. Does the commading G.I. Joe action figure in the helicopter militia know this? Not according to the movie, but he's headed there regardless to do the exact right thing. I guess we're just along for the ride, James Cameron. I am a roast. Baste me. During this whole Operation Drop Some Shit on that Tree go Explode Yeah Yeah, Jake is floating around an Tutenkamen and going all, "SCRreeeeeeee!" and dropping bombs when Major Rake Face sees the orange dragon thin he rides and says, "That's him. Get him." He didn't even know that Jake was alive two minutes ago. It only happens like this so that we can avoid a lengthy 20 second scene where they recognize eachother again and THEN launch into a techno missle battle.
All while this is going on, there are ground forces fighting down below. This a bombing mission and, last that I saw, the natives didn't have any surface to air missles. All of these forces are committed to slaughtering eachother for no reason whatsoever. In 3d.
And that's the major flaw of the movie. Too many things happen for no reason whatsoever. At points, it tries so hard to have some emotional resonance or a moral message about the sanctity of life or even what it really is to be human, but it's just a dumb action movie? I have proof. It has explsion running away from. Check. It has the phrase "GO GO GO!" shouted more than once time. Case. Closed.
In the end the AVATARs win and totally kick those filthy noncolred people off of their homeworld by. . . you were going to say by killing Major Rake Face weren't you? No. He was just some asshole with an awesome robot bowie knife. By taking out all of the military presence on Pandora then? No. There were still installations and guns and all manner of things back at the mining camp. I guess all of the empirialists just suddenly lost the will to fight when they heard about the misfortunante powersuit accident of MRF and so shuffle dejectedly with a newly imoverished giovani ribisi towards . . ? A shuttle to take them to space, to take them to Earth where, as the movei notes early on that the econonomy is bad. So they may just want to where you're tripping over rocks worth 20 million future money units. And if anyone knows anything about future humans, it is that we have no shortage of dumb marines and hovercars covered in missle pods. It took Jake 6 years to fly into Pandora, so it would logically take that amount of time to fly back to earth with another 6 year trip back to Pandora. Who's stopping them. So, I conservatively estimate that Jake and Nina will have a darling little son that's gonna catch a nuke in the face for his 13th birthday.
DON'T FUCK WITH EARTH
i imagine rock music would start playing here
In the end the AVATARs win and totally kick those filthy noncolred people off of their homeworld by. . . you were going to say by killing Major Rake Face weren't you? No. He was just some asshole with an awesome robot bowie knife. By taking out all of the military presence on Pandora then? No. There were still installations and guns and all manner of things back at the mining camp. I guess all of the empirialists just suddenly lost the will to fight when they heard about the misfortunante powersuit accident of MRF and so shuffle dejectedly with a newly imoverished giovani ribisi towards . . ? A shuttle to take them to space, to take them to Earth where, as the movei notes early on that the econonomy is bad. So they may just want to where you're tripping over rocks worth 20 million future money units. And if anyone knows anything about future humans, it is that we have no shortage of dumb marines and hovercars covered in missle pods. It took Jake 6 years to fly into Pandora, so it would logically take that amount of time to fly back to earth with another 6 year trip back to Pandora. Who's stopping them. So, I conservatively estimate that Jake and Nina will have a darling little son that's gonna catch a nuke in the face for his 13th birthday.
DON'T FUCK WITH EARTH
i imagine rock music would start playing here
