Dad Jokes

[T-Dawg]

I went to see a psychic and knocked on her door.

She said "who is it?"

So I left.

 

[T-Dawg]

I am Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon.

Neil before me.

 

[lemon]

puke emoji

 

[T-Dawg]

You can't unlick my butthole lemon.

 

[lemon]

that's just weird tommy

 

[T-Dawg]

You're the butthole licker, not me.

 

[tearis]

I got an email from Google Maps saying "We can even read maps backwards" and I just thought, "Wait, that's spam."

 

[Dr Dance]

Did you know the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[bowl of blood]

millions of fathers will spend this thanksgiving alone, away from their families.

many of them will not live to see another.

 

[T-Dawg]

Did you know the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

You know, every time you use your lighter it gets lighter. Until it gets so light it won't light.

 

[Plasmatic]

.

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

 

[T-Dawg]

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

 

[bowl of blood]

what do you get when you drill a hole into the bottom of a pumpkin and fuck it to completion then put it back on the doorstep

 

[T-Dawg]

Two antennas get married. The ceremony was ok, but

the reception was excellent.

 

[Dr Dance]

Y is Thunderbutt bant?

 

[Plasmatic]

He hit the Shitposting speed of light and returned to the womb.

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

 

[Dr Dance]

Of course the decision to ban him was purely political. D-Twat is a quality poster amirite?

 

[Dr Dance]

Every year—every single year!— when we’re getting the garden ready, I can be sure Dad will say, “I’d like to grow seedless watermelon, but I can’t find the seeds!”

 

[Dr Dance]

Were you aware that the first french fry wasn't cooked in France? It was cooked in Greece.

 

[Dr Dance]

Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they're shellfish.