[Attn. Developers] Rules for Making Games

B

Backslash

Veteran X
These spring to mind. Add your own moments of hatred.

1. Do not prevent me from escaping the shit ridden hell you have heaped upon me. Any time I press the escape key I expect a menu. One of the options, preferably chiseled in stone so you don't fucking forget it, should be quit.
Making me wait for the next level to load in your Dante-esque decent to the bottom of the bros-killing-bros torture pit before I can quit is like punching me in the dick. Stay away from my dick.

2. Server browser. Do. You. Speak it motherfucker? In the fucking game. And unless your game is a co-op finger-painting rock-band for toddlers, don't you fucking dare force match making on me. Sure, as an option, but I don't just walk into a restaurant and yell "Surprise me assholes!", because that surprise might be a poop-sandwich. I want to see the server called "24/7 ~{respawnz!!!}~ Newbfuxzor shitpalace" so I know to never go there.

3. You lazy fucking cock-charmer console-to-pc porters: Let me adjust the goddamned sensitivity. Yes, I know that little timmy-xbox can't aim worth a fuck without some seriously fucked up settings. And I get that you might not have the time to find another decent control scheme. So let me - I can handle it. Just give me the fucking options to decide how to best wrangle the shit-elemental you've birthed into the digital world, and I will.

TL;DR - Go fuck yourself.
 
Backslash said:
These spring to mind. Add your own moments of hatred.

1. Do not prevent me from escaping the shit ridden hell you have heaped upon me. Any time I press the escape key I expect a menu. One of the options, preferably chiseled in stone so you don't fucking forget it, should be quit.
Making me wait for the next level to load in your Dante-esque decent to the bottom of the bros-killing-bros torture pit before I can quit is like punching me in the dick. Stay away from my dick.

2. Server browser. Do. You. Speak it motherfucker? In the fucking game. And unless your game is a co-op finger-painting rock-band for toddlers, don't you fucking dare force match making on me. Sure, as an option, but I don't just walk into a restaurant and yell "Surprise me assholes!", because that surprise might be a poop-sandwich. I want to see the server called "24/7 ~{respawnz!!!}~ Newbfuxzor shitpalace" so I know to never go there.

3. You lazy fucking cock-charmer console-to-pc porters: Let me adjust the goddamned sensitivity. Yes, I know that little timmy-xbox can't aim worth a fuck without some seriously fucked up settings. And I get that you might not have the time to find another decent control scheme. So let me - I can handle it. Just give me the fucking options to decide how to best wrangle the shit-elemental you've birthed into the digital world, and I will.

TL;DR - Go fuck yourself.
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Yep!

and...

Skeletor666 said:
Games are looking prettier but the user interface and gameplay are getting shittier
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Yep!
 
actually i refuse to play any remotely competitive game without a ranked matchmaking system. its why im not touching T:A (that and its full of cheaters... lol).

server lists are a thing of the past and only useful for custom games (matches/scrims/testing/practice/etc)... not general play.
 
HaPpY said:
actually i refuse to play any remotely competitive game without a ranked matchmaking system. its why im not touching T:A (that and its full of cheaters... lol).

server lists are a thing of the past and only useful for custom games (matches/scrims/testing/practice/etc)... not general play.
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the game you spend the majority of your time on has the options the OP described.

matchmaking is good on a game like league where competitive skill is a huge influence.

fps's and shit though a server list is a much better way of doing things.
 
Backslash said:
These spring to mind. Add your own moments of hatred.

1. Do not prevent me from escaping the shit ridden hell you have heaped upon me. Any time I press the escape key I expect a menu. One of the options, preferably chiseled in stone so you don't fucking forget it, should be quit.
Making me wait for the next level to load in your Dante-esque decent to the bottom of the bros-killing-bros torture pit before I can quit is like punching me in the dick. Stay away from my dick.

2. Server browser. Do. You. Speak it motherfucker? In the fucking game. And unless your game is a co-op finger-painting rock-band for toddlers, don't you fucking dare force match making on me. Sure, as an option, but I don't just walk into a restaurant and yell "Surprise me assholes!", because that surprise might be a poop-sandwich. I want to see the server called "24/7 ~{respawnz!!!}~ Newbfuxzor shitpalace" so I know to never go there.

3. You lazy fucking cock-charmer console-to-pc porters: Let me adjust the goddamned sensitivity. Yes, I know that little timmy-xbox can't aim worth a fuck without some seriously fucked up settings. And I get that you might not have the time to find another decent control scheme. So let me - I can handle it. Just give me the fucking options to decide how to best wrangle the shit-elemental you've birthed into the digital world, and I will.

TL;DR - Go fuck yourself.
Click to expand...



To which I'll add:


4. The Options menu should be accessible from the main game menu, if I have to load the single player campaign, or the multiplayer menu just to change the game settings, go fuck yourself.


5. If you're making a PC game from the Unreal Engine, then take the extra 5 minutes and put in a graphics options menu that involves MORE than simply turning the fucking graphics off. Seriously, if I can't change anything short of the resolution and brightness, then you're letting me down. I have it within my own capacity to best decide how I want my game to appear, with or without "optimized" frame rates.


6. If I rebind a key that's already bound to something that's already in use, then acknowledge the fact with a pop-up message, and REPLACE the default action with the one I've chosen. If your response to me binding something already in use is to bind it to both actions or refuses to bind the new action then you're being completely obtuse for no good reason other than to annoy the piss out of me. Seriously, if you've got a game with 15-20+ key bindings and I now have to hunt down and find and unbind the key I want to assign then you're just being a prick and wasting my time.


7. If you're going to charge for the privilege of playing your game online, then you can't require me to "rent" a server from a third party. Nor are you allowed to host the game from my home machine, saving money on bandwidth by allowing a player to host the game from their own machine is only beneficial if we're not being screwed out of money for a service you're not actually providing for us. Charging me to access your 24/7 SQL server that spits out a list of available servers that you're not running or paying out of pocket for is like charging me money to visit your website.
 
Apathy said:
the game you spend the majority of your time on has the options the OP described.

matchmaking is good on a game like league where competitive skill is a huge influence.

fps's and shit though a server list is a much better way of doing things.
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how is it any different for an FPS or any other genre? if i dont want to play with/against retards i shouldnt have to.
 
lol

i thought t:a did have some sort of ranked matchmaking system though? just nothing visible currently
 
you can't just replace match making with a server browser

they're doing match making on purpose, for development reasons. server browser would likely require dedicated servers and stuff. which obviously is no longer the norm. now it's p2p hosting, hence match making.

just pointing it out.
 
Pengo said:
lol

i thought t:a did have some sort of ranked matchmaking system though? just nothing visible currently
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I wish. I'm not gonna play that shit as long as I keep getting dumped in with rifle spamming level 3s in every pub.
 
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