I just got threatened by two assholes

I

Iason

Veteran X
I'm still sweating, not totally because of what happened, but because it's 90+ degrees outside and I was just bicycling home. Why? Car is at the shop with a broken strut (how the hell did that happen??), walked a mile to a thrift store to buy a cheap bicycle, then was gonna be home with no worries.

Near a busy intersection, I pass the driveway to a big church. A red minisuv is coming out, and I ride by until I hear, "HEY (BOY?)".

I turn around to see two, dirty bald white guys who both look like a cross between John Malkovich in Con Air and John C. Reilly. The driver turns looks at me and says "Where you goin?" I say, home, why?

He says "What the hell you doin' biking home in this heat?" His friend and he chuckle at each other and I, somewhat confused and annoyed for getting stopped, say "Why?... What's your problem?" There's a pause and they seem to consider their words before the driver says "Now don't be calling me out" or something to that effect tells me to pedal off before he beats my ass, and I, really confused and annoyed at this point, ask him what I did as I turn to pedal off. He just tells me to make like I don't see him and pedal away.

I could have just left at this point and forgot about it, but something in me was really pissed off - my car was fucked up, it was fucking hot, and my day had completely gone off course. My high spirits were still soaring until these rednecks had showed up. So when they started to pull away behind me, I circled, caught their license number and called them out again. When they came back, I saw them pass a bottle in a brown paper bag. I called them on that and they lazily circled away again.

I went into the church, where there were some election judges doing polling and stuff. Called 911, gave the information to the police (that two guys threatened me, were probably drinking and driving a such and so with the licence plate), and then walked home, because my rear tire was now flat.

I hope to see these assholes on Cops someday in the future.

fake edit: for hillarity sakes, when I first went to pedal away, I retorted "Jesus loves you" and they said "Jesus is gonna beat your fuckin ass"
 
hahaha

these guys were mean to me on the road

I CALLED 911!!!!


edit - on the offchance he edits

Iason said:
I'm still sweating, not totally because of what happened, but because it's 90+ degrees outside and I was just bicycling home. Why? Car is at the shop with a broken strut (how the hell did that happen??), walked a mile to a thrift store to buy a cheap bicycle, then was gonna be home with no worries.

Near a busy intersection, I pass the driveway to a big church. A red minisuv is coming out, and I ride by until I hear, "HEY (BOY?)".

I turn around to see two, dirty bald white guys who both look like a cross between John Malkovich in Con Air and John C. Reilly. The driver turns looks at me and says "Where you goin?" I say, home, why?

He says "What the hell you doin' biking home in this heat?" His friend and he chuckle at each other and I, somewhat confused and annoyed for getting stopped, say "Why?... What's your problem?" There's a pause and they seem to consider their words before the driver says "Now don't be calling me out" or something to that effect tells me to pedal off before he beats my ass, and I, really confused and annoyed at this point, ask him what I did as I turn to pedal off. He just tells me to make like I don't see him and pedal away.

I could have just left at this point and forgot about it, but something in me was really pissed off - my car was fucked up, it was fucking hot, and my day had completely gone off course. My high spirits were still soaring until these rednecks had showed up. So when they started to pull away behind me, I circled, caught their license number and called them out again. When they came back, I saw them pass a bottle in a brown paper bag. I called them on that and they lazily circled away again.

I went into the church, where there were some election judges doing polling and stuff. Called 911, gave the information to the police (that two guys threatened me, were probably drinking and driving a such and so with the licence plate), and then walked home, because my rear tire was now flat.

I hope to see these assholes on Cops someday in the future.

fake edit: for hillarity sakes, when I first went to pedal away, I retorted "Jesus loves you" and they said "Jesus is gonna beat your fuckin ass"
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
HELLO POLICE??

I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT TWO GENTLEMEN BEING MEAN ON THE STREETS

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SEND AN OFFICER IMMEDIATELY
 
don't mess with rednecks, I guarantee you're underestimating their sheer malign and bottomless aggression
 
Sounds like you did the right thing. Takes a bigger man to do that sometimes. Of course, if it was me - I would have walked over to the driver side, grabbed the guy around his head and slammed it into his window frame knocking him unconcious. Then, I would have opened his door and wedged his foot onto the gas pedal and put the van in gear. He and his buddy would have gotten up to about 70 when they would have hit a utility pole and exploded into flames. Then, I would have just biked off whistling.
 
when i read "fake edit" something told me that the word "fake" was in your mind while writing this story, so chances are you're lying about some or all of it.
 
I did have a 3 inch case knife in my pocket sharpened to a razors edge, but I figured self-defense doesn't cover unmitigated aggressiveness brought on by stress and heat.

I talked smack back at them but who gives a shit? I didn't want it to get physical; I don't have insurance and I don't want to fight two guys much less one.
 
They were doing more then being 'mean on the streets'.

They were also drinking and driving. People like that deserve to get a guard rail between the legs after they crash into it.
 
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