Do You Feel Like You Have Gotten Better At Pooping With Practice?

Now that my colon is spastic, I am spraying chocolate sauce willy nilly all over the bowl like a shower head that is turned all of the way clockwise. Some of it even jets up through the crack in the bowl up onto the lid. I now have named myself "the Mad Pooper" as I terrorize local fast food establishment bathrooms with my mudslides and other violent anal explosions. And if the shitter is occupied, then there is always the urinal. If both the urinal and the shitter are busy, there is always the sink. And if the sinks are being used, there is the trashcan with the used paper towels to help buffer the mess. But I personally prefer using the baby changing table to empty out a crowded mens room in a hurry.
 
Last edited:
I never practice (unless you count farts), I poop fo' realz! I used to be good at it but as I get older I am regressing.
 
I just had a bowel movement and it went smoothly, however I wonder if those commercials on squatting while pooping are true and I could go even better with a little hitch in my giddyup.
 
I went from random poops that always came from nowhere, or worse poopin every third day or something :lolwut: to now poopin on schedule. Wake up, let dogs out so they can poop and pee. Feed dogs, then it's MY turn to poop and pee. Always around 8-830 every damn day

and I can relax knowing the whole rest of the day I can go anywhere I want, do anything I want


and never shit my britches
 
things I've learned to do over the years:
I have a hairy butt so:
cheeks spread with toilet seat edges for the better poop
poop on tip toes to give me some of that squat dynamic and move my pelvic floor forward or w/e
timing with coffee
once the 8-830 poop is done, I can preload my next pass in the day. Basically, 30-60 minutes after coffee, it's time. if I'm feeling hung over or generally bleh, I can drink some coffee to hurry up my innards while making sure it isn't inconvenient.

also, fuck sand paper tp
gotta get that plush life son
 
Protip: when you pooped a little but you just know there's more in the pipeline taking its sweet time, rub your belly counterclockwise a few times and within a minute the stragglers will emerge.
 
I learned that once when I was constipated and went to a doctor. That's what he did to get me going again.

BTW, I'm pooping right now!
 
Always thought it was funny that one of the first things they told us to look out for in basic training was constipation. "Tell someone if you haven't shit in a week!" My first shit in basic was like launching a missile.

cCXaP9A.gif
 
easilyodd said:
Always thought it was funny that one of the first things they told us to look out for in basic training was constipation. "Tell someone if you haven't shit in a week!" My first shit in basic was like launching a missile.

cCXaP9A.gif
Click to expand...

Was military food that bland?
 
My buddy told me that MRE peanut butter/jelly was made to help regulate pooping; the peanut butter would stop you up and the jelly would speed things up. One time I bought a giant bag of those MRE things from a military depot that was going out of business. Some of them were actually pretty tasty (for a stoner snack), and I was inclined to believe him about the peanut butter, shit was dry as fuck.
 


Yes I have put this here before. No I won't stop. So please continue to complain if you are going to. That out of the way mine's gotten better due to two things.

1. I bake my own sourdough bread, which is not only superior nutritionally (the bugs which make all the flavor also rip apart all the carbs into simpler starches) but also contain exopolysaccharides as one of their natural byproducts. While this heavy molecule resists stomach digestion it does act has a "perfect food" for all the microbes and bacteria living in your GI. They get fed right and they'll make digestion efficient and right where it's vital since your intestines where the buggers live are responsible for extracting the nutrients from food.

2. Potatoes are a staple in my diet was well. Usually they are over-baked Russetts I then refrigerate until needed. Why spuds? Because they contain the overwhelming majority of vitamins (and a good chunk of minerals) you need to survive. And when they are cooked and then refrigerated some of their starches change into soluble fiber, adding to GI health and immune system health.

So yeah pooping is easy for me now. And sure any number of you who are nutritionists, dieticians, etc. can roll in hear and write essays about how I need to eat this and that, I need more protein, I should be blending up a bunch of stuff into a thick liquid or what not and I won't care. It works for me because I know it works because I have seen it work for more than half a decade.

Though I may have to start to learn how to grow wheat and potatoes, just in case shit goes sideways here and I somehow manage to survive an end of civilization.
 
gryp aka eyez is a total faggot thats what i think. and he hasnt gotten better at posting or trolling or being interesting and is just a lame faggot. ggz talk about men pooping more jailbird shit licker nigger bitch
 
Just repetitions is not learning.
Learning is solving the dilemma again and again.
At some point you stopped solving and started repeating.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top