Maybe if you can just admit you are a little gay in the heart, that will be good enough.
You don't have to suck dicks to be gay at heart. You can still be a man and hang out with others who are gay in the heart. Possibly even gay in the ass if they catch. But, that doesn't have to be you. There is no saying like "It's only gay if your heart balls touch". No. You can rub heart balls all you want, Nico. But until your actual real balls touch? You are golden. Just laugh it off and say - I'm not IRL gay. Maybe a little gay in the heart but not IRL gay".
You will be surprised at how many doors that opens and makes the gay part of the heart dance like a ballerina.