I fucked two chicks on the Riverwalk in New Orleans one Mardi Gras while they were dressed in diapers and sucking on pacifiers haha
I flipped over in a pickup truck at about 60 mph and walked away without a scratch (wasnt driving)
I got tackled by like six cops once... after I wouldn't lay down in the dirt after some dumbfuck cop thought I was a burglar walking down the side of my own house
12 years old, I jumped a creek in a 1974 Plymouth Duster running from the cops, after we borrowed/stole the car off the farm that I got exiled to one summer (not dukes of hazzard-style jumped a creek, it was tiny... but it was a creek)
I stuck my tongue in a guy's mouth in the middle of a club's dance floor once, thinking it was my girlfriend (long story... barf
)
I'm 99.9 percent positive I've seen a ghost (like for real... not "hey I heard a creak in the floor, must be a ghost!", I mean like a for-real ghost)
I got drunk with Mickey Roarke
I got drunk with Stephen Spielberg
Jewel ground her pussy into my thigh and asked me to go home with her... and I turned her down cuz A) I didn't know who she was, and B) I was hung up and aggravated about my ex-girlfriend, who was also in the bar
I got my picture in the paper after wiping out an entire block full of stuff in a pretty bad drunk driving misadventure
I've been strip-searched
I sat in a real A-10 on a flight line
I got called a "ruffian" by Geraldo Rivera... back when he was on Channel 7 news in New York City... (me and my friends were heckling him while he was doing an on-the-scene broadcast, and he went to the cops and went
"Officer... can you do something about those RUFFIANS??" We were calling each other "ruffians" for years afterwards, lulz)
Had a Heineken bottle broken across my face... and somehow only got bruised, not a scratch
That's all I can think of.