{CN}Rev.Flash
Veteran XV
one of the gang from CN posted this on our site,this may be OFN, but its just too funny not to risk it.....
Bloodninj I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fc mmmm, okay.
Bloodninj I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fc Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninj I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fc Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninj Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninj I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fc you like that?
Bloodninj I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fc Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninj get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fc Peanuts?
Bloodninj Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fc What are you talking about?
Bloodninj I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fc This is stupid.
Bloodninj Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninj Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninj Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fc /ignore
Bloodninj Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninj We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
---------------
Bloodninj Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninj I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninj And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninj Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninj Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninj Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninj Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninj You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninj I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninj How did you know?
Bloodninj I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninj Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninj So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninj I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
------------------
Bloodninj Wanna cyber?
MommyMeliss Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninj What like gardening an ****?
MommyMeliss Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninj Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninj You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMeliss is that it?
Bloodninj You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninj Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMeliss I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninj I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninj I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMeliss Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninj my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninj Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMeliss ...
Bloodninj My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMeliss What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninj Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMeliss whatever.
-------
bloodninj Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninj Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninj Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninj Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninj I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninj I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninj I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninj Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninj I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninj Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninj King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninj You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninj Baby?
----------------
bloodninj Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninj A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninj I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninj Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninj Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninj It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninj I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninj Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninj **** am I hard now.
-------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJ Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJ huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJ Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJ
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJ OheminemBNJ damn I gotta write down your names or something
------------
sweet17: Hi
bloodninj hello
bloodninj who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninj A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninj Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninj why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninj Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninj look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninj yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninj No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninj Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninj This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninj The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ******* break
bloodninj I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninj The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninj I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninj It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninj I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninj Hello?
sweet17: You are ******* sick.
bloodninj Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninj so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninj The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninj Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninj Hurry up.
bloodninj Are you there?
bloodninj **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninj I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninj When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninj Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninj Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninj Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninj Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninj Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninj Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninj I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninj Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninj Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninj Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninj Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninj I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninj How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninj The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninj I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninj Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninj Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninj I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninj Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninj And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninj Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninj I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninj You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninj Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninj You're right. I'm not.
bloodninj HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninj Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninj Wait a sec
bloodninj We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninj Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninj I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninj You heard me.
bloodninj I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninj Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninj Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninj I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninj Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninj You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninj Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninj cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninj Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninj Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninj So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninj Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninj Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninj I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninj When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninj ok?
bloodninj Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninj Oh yes I am!
bloodninj It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninj Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninj Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninj Ok. Here we go.
bloodninj I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninj You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninj I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninj I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninj uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninj You gotta do better than that!
bloodninj Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninj Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninj I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninj Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninj I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninj I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninj going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninj Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninj You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninj going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninj ...still limp
bloodninj Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninj I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninj I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninj I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninj They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninj I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninj I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninj I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninj Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninj And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninj I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
bloodninj The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninj Your parrot flys away.
bloodninj ...going limp again.
bloodninj Hello?
bloodninj Say it!
bloodninj HAARRRRRR!!!!!
__________
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
Bloodninj I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fc mmmm, okay.
Bloodninj I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fc Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninj I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fc Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninj Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninj I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fc you like that?
Bloodninj I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fc Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninj get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fc Peanuts?
Bloodninj Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fc What are you talking about?
Bloodninj I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fc This is stupid.
Bloodninj Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninj Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninj Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fc /ignore
Bloodninj Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninj We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
---------------
Bloodninj Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninj I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninj And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninj Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninj Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninj Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninj Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninj You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninj I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninj How did you know?
Bloodninj I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninj Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninj So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninj I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
------------------
Bloodninj Wanna cyber?
MommyMeliss Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninj What like gardening an ****?
MommyMeliss Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninj Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninj You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMeliss is that it?
Bloodninj You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninj Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMeliss I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninj I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninj I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMeliss Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninj my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninj Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMeliss ...
Bloodninj My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMeliss What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninj Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMeliss whatever.
-------
bloodninj Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninj Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninj Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninj Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninj I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninj I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninj I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninj Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninj I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninj Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninj King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninj You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninj Baby?
----------------
bloodninj Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninj A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninj I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninj Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninj Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninj It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninj I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninj Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninj **** am I hard now.
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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJ Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJ huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJ Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJ
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJ OheminemBNJ damn I gotta write down your names or something
------------
sweet17: Hi
bloodninj hello
bloodninj who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninj A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninj Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninj why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninj Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninj look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninj yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninj No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninj Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninj This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninj The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ******* break
bloodninj I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninj The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninj I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninj It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninj I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninj Hello?
sweet17: You are ******* sick.
bloodninj Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninj so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninj The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninj Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninj Hurry up.
bloodninj Are you there?
bloodninj **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninj I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninj When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninj Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninj Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninj Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninj Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninj Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninj Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninj I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninj Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninj Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninj Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninj Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninj I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninj How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninj The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninj I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninj Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninj Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninj I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninj Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninj And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninj Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninj I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninj You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninj Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninj You're right. I'm not.
bloodninj HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninj Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninj Wait a sec
bloodninj We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninj Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninj I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninj You heard me.
bloodninj I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninj Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninj Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninj I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninj Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninj You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninj Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninj cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninj Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninj Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninj So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninj Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninj Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninj I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninj When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninj ok?
bloodninj Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninj Oh yes I am!
bloodninj It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninj Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninj Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninj Ok. Here we go.
bloodninj I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninj You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninj I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninj I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninj uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninj You gotta do better than that!
bloodninj Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninj Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninj I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninj Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninj I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninj I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninj going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninj Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninj You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninj going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninj ...still limp
bloodninj Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninj I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninj I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninj I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninj They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninj I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninj I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninj I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninj Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninj And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninj I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
bloodninj The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninj Your parrot flys away.
bloodninj ...going limp again.
bloodninj Hello?
bloodninj Say it!
bloodninj HAARRRRRR!!!!!
__________
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
