Zoph eats at shitty places so you don't have to

Welcome to Zoph's restaurant thread. This is a purely subjective review thread based on my trip to ONE restaurant that is somewhat convenient to my location.

1. Mission BBQ (Beltway Plaza) American fare. Ribs, chicken, pulled pork, and salmon are among the favored entrees.



Decor: All American/ military

I don't often dine here. But when I have, the experience has always been a very good one. The food is good. The place is clean. Even the bathroom doesn't smell like an outhouse unlike some others at restaurants do. The service is outstanding. A surplus of employees is making sure that your dining experience is a positive one.

A platter of one entree, two sides, and a fountain drink will run you between $12-$18. Sandwich platters are slightly cheaper.



My only drawback is a lack of ability to customize your order outside of picking no sides, one, or two sides, a minor tic.

My grade B+.

Highly recommended.

you arent the real shitty old pervert that dances badly

stfu geriatric creeper

2. Bertucci's (Columbia, Md.) Italian fare.



Decor: Looks like any generic sports bar restaurant set up. Nothing special to see here.

When I arrived around 2pm yesterday, business was light. There was one elderly couple who were sitting in a booth. They hadn't gotten their food yet.

Strike one: I stood in the fucking lobby for five minutes until some diminutive Spanish chick hobbled out of the back in slow motion.

She asked me if I wanted to see a menu or if I already had one via the Bertucci's mobile app. After I chose to see a menu, she then apologized for not having any; but, I was welcome to choose from the mobile app.

Strike two: No printed menus were available for guests.

I then told her that I knew what I wanted and could I please just have a seat. (I had eaten here before.) She then escorted me to a booth to sit. She then asked me if I wanted a glass of water.

After I sat, she brought a glass of water with a lemon garnish in about five more minutes. I started to place my order. She again apologized; but, she informed me that the man who would take my order would be right out.

Twenty minutes later, there was no sign of a waiter. During that time, a young man brought the elderly couple their food. Looked good. A personal sized pizza and some sort of pasta platter. I glared at him. The waiter didn't even acknowledge me. After serving the couple, he merely retreated to whatever back room passed for where in house employees could loaf.

Strike three: No waiter service.

As I got up and left after drinking about three sips of my lemon water, I overheard the young man arguing furiously in the back room. Something about how he was "supposed to be off now."

I walked away and never looked back.

My grade: Incomplete.

Bertucci's is NOT recommended.

Just give them an F- if they never took your order.

I can't believe I fucking read all that.

Eat my entire asshole

Fuck. I read all that too.

Must be the beer. There's no way I would've even clicked this shit without a few in me.

post on yelp you fucking creep pedo

Gave blood today. They say to eat a full meal for dinner. No problem. Co-Worker told me about this place, 5 stars on Yelp.
Olli Olive Yelp

Take out and delivery only.

Large veggie pizza with jalapeno peppers.

Baked Alfredo with Brocolli


Is it 5 stars? Yes. They drizzle oil on the crust. A different taste with the oil and spices.

5 stars for a fucking burned pizza


Florida must be a sad fucking place to live jeez

Does zoph still creep out women at dance club?

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I had a bartender chick ask me if I intimidate women


Then gave me her number




Then another time I was footing the bill for a party of 6 and a bartender chick said "I wish you'd pay for me some time"


Then we fornicated and I never bought her anything

NoGodForMe said:

Gave blood today. They say to eat a full meal for dinner. No problem. Co-Worker told me about this place, 5 stars on Yelp.
Olli Olive Yelp

Take out and delivery only.

Large veggie pizza with jalapeno peppers.

Baked Alfredo with Brocolli

Is it 5 stars? Yes. They drizzle oil on the crust. A different taste with the oil and spices.

Click to expand...

Looks great! Don't have this place in my area. +1 for Florida.

Groove said:

stfu geriatric creeper

Click to expand...

lmao goshin the geriatric creeper just got told 2 stfu

him too!

3. Pot Belly. Route 1, College Park



Fare: Subs, sandwiches, and salads. Take out and dine in. Not sure if delivery is available.

This is a popular sub joint for the University of Maryland crowd. The subs are good. They come in regular and "biggie" sizes. You can customize your sub with any or all available toppings. They also offer milk shakes.

A biggie sub, one side, and a bottled drink will run you about $15.

They have a mini stage in the back. Occasionally, acoustic performers will have in house concerts to delight the guests at no additional charge.

They have a large refrigerator in the front where you may claim a bottled drink... iced tea, vitamin water, sports drink, or a soft drink. They also have a drink fountain.

In that refrigerator, they used to offer individual sides... cole slaw, macaroni salad, and potato salad. But they were out of all of that when I was last there. The sandwich makers were also out of avacado topping ($1.25 extra). My favorite sub is the chicken cheddar. But they also have a sub called "The Wreck," three different kinds of lunchmeats including pepperoni. (I thought that the wreck was too salty.)

They offer cookies freshly baked on premises. The cookies are greasy, but they taste great! Double Chocolate Chip brownie cookies are my favorite.

Service was average to above average. Food quality was good.

The atmosphere reminded me of a dive club that also offered food.



You pay for parking, $2 per hour. Fortunately, one hour is more than enough.

My grade: B-/C+. Decent.

If you enjoy a good sub, this is at least worth one stop.

NoGodForMe said:

Gave blood today. They say to eat a full meal for dinner. No problem. Co-Worker told me about this place, 5 stars on Yelp.
Olli Olive Yelp

Take out and delivery only.

Large veggie pizza with jalapeno peppers.

Baked Alfredo with Brocolli

Is it 5 stars? Yes. They drizzle oil on the crust. A different taste with the oil and spices.

Click to expand...

That shit wouldn't pass for food in Dubai. I can get pizza and pasta delivered that's better than that disgusting mess.

itt mitch lets us kno that dominos has a store in the galaxy of dubai

Edofnor said:

itt mitch lets us kno that dominos has a store in the galaxy of dubai

Click to expand...

Wouldn't touch any chain pizzas like dominos with a shitty stick. We have many local pizza joints that make pizza with fresh ingredients that knock that shit out of the park. We have Pizza Hut too, how the fuck that stays in business is beyond me.

In general American fast food doesn't go well here except the really big ones like McDoobs and KFC. Was surprised to see we have a Denny"s here recently. Full blown bottom of the barrel shite that is, won't last long.

do the dubai slaves to get to eat dominos/pizza hut or are they only allowed to eat schlop