5 Hour Energy, Monster....

I

ICMeltdown

Never been a fan myself.

Five-Hour Energy Linked to Heart Attacks, 'Spontaneous Abortion'

You know those little vials of who-knows-what that TV bills as a healthier alternative to energy drinks. Turns out they might make you die. Or to be more specific, the flavored energy shot "has been mentioned in some 90 filings with the F.D.A., including more than 30 that involved serious or life-threatening injuries like heart attacks, convulsions and, in one case, a spontaneous abortion," according to a New York Times investigation.

Don't worry, 5-Hour Energy fans, Monster Energy drink is a culprit, too. Following a review of FDA records, The Times found that 5-Hour Energy was implicated in at least 13 deaths over the last four years, while Monster was cited in five deaths in a review last month. Both the paper and the FDA are careful to point out that correlation does not equal causation in these horrifying examples of pick-me-ups gone wrong. Nevertheless, we're pretty sure coffee will remain our stimulant of choice for the foreseeable future.
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Most of them probably already had underlying heart issues, not an excuse but the rest of us can use them just fine.
 
Correlation does not equal causation, but I need a sensationalist headline to draw people to my article, so I won't mention that until long after most people stop reading.
 
5 hour energy is the hangover fucking cure.

And 13 deaths in 5 years?!? HOLY SHIT. IT'S AN EPIDEMIC
 
ah ma gaw i drank a 5 hr energy and then spontaneously shoved a coat hanger up my cooch. THIS SHIT IS TOXIC
 
None of that shit ever worked to give me energy or keep me awake. Monster was always for alcohol and 5-hour was always for not feeling like shit the next day.
 
Both the paper and the FDA are careful to point out that correlation does not equal causation in these horrifying examples of pick-me-ups gone wrong.
/thread
 
icfire is investigating an untraceable over the counter drug he can use to kill his molestation victims
 
adderall/caffeine combo makes me sweat bullets....feel like im on verge of death when cocktailing amphetamine with energy drinks, need to start going w/ iced coffee instead. or, you know, just sleep more and actually discipline myself to be efficient with my time instead of going on stimulant binges. but eh, it works. clock five years off my life, i wont miss em
 
Gotta work that word "abortion" in there somehow.

13 deaths in 5 years means 5 Hour Energy is more than 5,000 times safer than "falling".
 
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