There is no such thing as a shark attack

[danger]

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack. I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack. A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”

- Gilbert Arenas

This guy is awesome.

 

[King Jack]

damm..thats stupid with a twist of sanity

 

[GreyGhost]

good thing he can bounce a ball fairly well

 

[Data]

Dumb.

We rule the Earth. Humans. Not sharks. This includes the water, as oceans are part of the Earth. If sharks got a problem with that they can go tell it to the penguins because we'll be busy killing tens of millions of them every year.

Suck on that, sharks.

 

[ChaoStar]

Sorry Mr. Arenas...I didn't know sharks owned the ocean. Unprovoked physical violence is an attack.

Athletes shouldn't have blogs.

 

[Glare]

sharks are an apex predator

 

[nSpectre]

"Landshark."

"the Landshark.....considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors and recreational beach areas, the Landshark may strike at any place, anytime. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of attack is to hit or punch the predator on the nose."

Lady: Who is it?
Landshark: Plumber.
Lady: I didn't hire a plumber. Who is it!?
Landshark: Flowers.
Lady: What... for who?
Landshark: Plumber
Lady: ...you're...that crazy shark aren't you?
Landshark: No maam, I am just a dolphin.. will you let me in please?
Lady: A dolphin! OK!

 

[-TigerClaw-]

Annnnnnnd that whole bit seems oddly verbatim from one of the 400 black comedians that did a spot on Bad Boys of Comedy on HBO this past season. Just keep shooting 3's, hibachi.

 

[NoFiX]

Sorry Mr. Arenas...I didn't know sharks owned the ocean. Unprovoked physical violence is an attack.

Athletes shouldn't have blogs.

It's not unprovoked. You're in their habitat. You are food to them. You will die. Don't like it? Too bad, you're a pussy.

 

[PoorDoggy]

This bit belongs to comedian Ian Edwards.

Edwards: Ain't no such thing as shark attacks.

Gilbert: There is no such thing as a shark attack.

Edwards: We live on the land. Sharks live in the water. If you get caught down there, you trespassing.

Gilbert: We're humans. We live on land. Sharks live in water. So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing.

Edwards: You know what a real shark attack is? A real shark attack is if you someplace you supposed to be and a shark shows up. That's a shark attack. Is if you someplace you supposed to be and a shark shows up. If you in the crib taking a shower tonight and you feel a tap on your shoulder and you turn around, 'What's up playa, shark attack time baby.'

Gilbert: A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack.

Looks Like Gilbert Arenas Is Lifting Jokes From Other Comedians - Sports Blog - The FanHouse

 

[ChaoStar]

It's not unprovoked. You're in their habitat. You are food to them. You will die. Don't like it? Too bad, you're a pussy.

Sharks are over sensitive pricks. Maybe they should learn to co-exist. If they want to come play at the park by my house, they are more than welcome to.

 

[Vanster]

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing.

Does this mean I can continue to kill bald eagles that land on my property? Or should that remain a federal crime?

 

[Data]

I hear the bald eagle is overpopulated now. They're like pigeons.

 

[Lineage]

Basically, whereas pigeons are sky rats, Bald Eagles are Sky Possums. Fire away.

 

[RoomOnFire]

Dumb.

We rule the Earth. Humans. Not sharks. This includes the water, as oceans are part of the Earth. If sharks got a problem with that they can go tell it to the penguins because we'll be busy killing tens of millions of them every year.

Suck on that, sharks.

 

[KnightMare]

sharks are people!

 

[claudius]

I hear the bald eagle is overpopulated now. They're like pigeons.

My grandparents just got back from Alaska and they can confirm this.

 

[AkumA]

theres no such thing as danger

 

[Data]

theres no such thing as danger

Except for cars that explode right in front of you, right?

 

[NoFiX]

Sharks are over sensitive pricks. Maybe they should learn to co-exist. If they want to come play at the park by my house, they are more than welcome to.

Humans are over-sensitive, self-destructive, worthless pieces of shit. We can't co-exist with anything.

maybe you should suck the foreskin out of your asshole and release the pressure building up in your anus tube.