> 1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are . Don’t ask us. We refuse
> to answer.
> 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. If you won’t
> dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap
> opera guys.
> 3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> short hair.
> One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married
> women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
> 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
> can find the perfect present yet again!
> 5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect
> an answer you don’t want to hear.
> 6. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
> Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or
> monster trucks.
>
> 7. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing
> of the tides. Let it be.
> 8. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we’re never going to think
> of it that way.
> 9. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
> is fine. Really.
> 10. You have enough clothes.
> 11. You have too many shoes.
> 12. Crying is blackmail.
> 13. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one: Subtle hints
> don’t work. Strong hints don’t work. Really obvious hints don’t work.
> Just
> say it!
> 14. No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark
> anniversaries on the calendar.
> 15. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We’re bound to miss
> sometimes.
> 16. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any
> good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
> dress?
> 17. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
> every question.
> 18. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> that’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> 19. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> 20. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
> 21. Check your oil.
> 22. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
> together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
> 23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
> All comments become null and void after 7 days.
> 24. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> 25. Let us ogle. We’re going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
> 26. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
> something but not both.
> 27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
> during commercials.
> 28. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.
> 29. If it itches, it will be scratched.
> 30. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
> 31. If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like
> nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the
> hassle.
>