I rarely use TW to vent, but I feel that there is a lesson to be learned from this. On saturday I received a phone call from my mother, it was 10:15am Pacific time. My mom sounded awful, distraught, I immediately knew something was wrong. She asked to speak to my girl friend, so I handed the phone to her, and after seeing her face drop I knew what was coming.
My gf gave me the phone, and laid down on top of me, hugging me closely. My mother proceeded to tell me my father was found dead, and that she was sorry.
You see my parents got 'legally separarted' 7 years ago -- something me and my older brother agreed was good for them both. They were not right for each other anymore, and we could see it. They agreed to separate and date other people, while keeping the marriage in tact for insurance purposes.
Yesterday I traveled from San Diego to NY to be with my family. I got in late last night, entering my moms apartment at around 10:30pm to see my brother, sister in law and mother sitting on the couch.
I have dealt with A LOT of death for a 24 year old (see BACO Boys - 4 camp counselors drown in a N.Y. river | Deseret News (Salt Lake City) | Find Articles at BNET ) and honestly had some eerie idea that my fathers time was coming near.
He smoked for nearly 40 years. He suffered from graves disease and hypertension, and although he did upkeep on his heart, lungs, etc in the past few years he just looked unhealthy. He was skinny, and albeit seemingly fit, he just never looked right.
He was constantly dating women around his age (give or take a few years) and always telling me he loved the feeling of dating again because it made him feel young. I totally accepted this fact, and was happy for him, who doesnt like getting laid once in a while.
Literally two days before he passed away I had told my girlfriend I was going to purchase him an electric cigarette and a years worth of cartridges for fathers day. I felt that if I wanted my father to stick around longer I needed to get him off the cancer sticks. I proceeded to tell her "He's not going to be around much longer, he just doesn't take care of himself like he should" little did I know how true this statement would have been.
On tuesday I had a 20 minute conversation with him, in which he spoke to my gf for the first time. This is a man, that before meeting the love of my life, wrote her this amazingly loving graduation card (just weeks ago). In this card he said he hoped to meet her soon. He never got to meet her, and now never will.
Through all my trials and tribulations with my father, there was one thing I never questioned -- his love for me and my family. Even when my mom would slip and say terrible things about him to me, he would sweep it under the rug. He rarely had a bad thing to say about anyone. He was extremely supportive. He constantly pushed me and my brother to succeed, even when he could not.
He was on time everywhere he went. He had a sarcastic wit about him, always trying to joke even when mildly inappropriate. He felt laughter was the answer to everything, and honestly he was right.
I never realized how important he was to me until I lost him, and now its too late. There is nothing I can do or say to make him come back. I can not ever hold him, kiss him, hug him, talk to him, or ask him for advice. My father, my best friend, and ultimately the glue to the fabric of my life is lost.
He was the best thing I had in my life and it took his death for me to be able to honestly say that with no level of uncertainty.
Death is certain, life is not. This is a lesson we all can learn. If nothing else I hope this inspired you all to call your father, mother, or loved ones and say "I love you" cause it could be your last.
My gf gave me the phone, and laid down on top of me, hugging me closely. My mother proceeded to tell me my father was found dead, and that she was sorry.
You see my parents got 'legally separarted' 7 years ago -- something me and my older brother agreed was good for them both. They were not right for each other anymore, and we could see it. They agreed to separate and date other people, while keeping the marriage in tact for insurance purposes.
Yesterday I traveled from San Diego to NY to be with my family. I got in late last night, entering my moms apartment at around 10:30pm to see my brother, sister in law and mother sitting on the couch.
I have dealt with A LOT of death for a 24 year old (see BACO Boys - 4 camp counselors drown in a N.Y. river | Deseret News (Salt Lake City) | Find Articles at BNET ) and honestly had some eerie idea that my fathers time was coming near.
He smoked for nearly 40 years. He suffered from graves disease and hypertension, and although he did upkeep on his heart, lungs, etc in the past few years he just looked unhealthy. He was skinny, and albeit seemingly fit, he just never looked right.
He was constantly dating women around his age (give or take a few years) and always telling me he loved the feeling of dating again because it made him feel young. I totally accepted this fact, and was happy for him, who doesnt like getting laid once in a while.
Literally two days before he passed away I had told my girlfriend I was going to purchase him an electric cigarette and a years worth of cartridges for fathers day. I felt that if I wanted my father to stick around longer I needed to get him off the cancer sticks. I proceeded to tell her "He's not going to be around much longer, he just doesn't take care of himself like he should" little did I know how true this statement would have been.
On tuesday I had a 20 minute conversation with him, in which he spoke to my gf for the first time. This is a man, that before meeting the love of my life, wrote her this amazingly loving graduation card (just weeks ago). In this card he said he hoped to meet her soon. He never got to meet her, and now never will.
Through all my trials and tribulations with my father, there was one thing I never questioned -- his love for me and my family. Even when my mom would slip and say terrible things about him to me, he would sweep it under the rug. He rarely had a bad thing to say about anyone. He was extremely supportive. He constantly pushed me and my brother to succeed, even when he could not.
He was on time everywhere he went. He had a sarcastic wit about him, always trying to joke even when mildly inappropriate. He felt laughter was the answer to everything, and honestly he was right.
I never realized how important he was to me until I lost him, and now its too late. There is nothing I can do or say to make him come back. I can not ever hold him, kiss him, hug him, talk to him, or ask him for advice. My father, my best friend, and ultimately the glue to the fabric of my life is lost.
He was the best thing I had in my life and it took his death for me to be able to honestly say that with no level of uncertainty.
Death is certain, life is not. This is a lesson we all can learn. If nothing else I hope this inspired you all to call your father, mother, or loved ones and say "I love you" cause it could be your last.
