I really hate DBA's

JuggerNaught

JuggerNaught

Contributor
Veteran XX
These jackasses have me up at 7am on a sunday because their install needs tweaking with the firewall and i happened to be unlucky enough to get a ticket to update their tnsnames.ora files...which is not even a job of any of the 8 groups im in at work, the ticket just got routed wrong by the mouth breathers on the help desk that are on their way out and don't give a shit.

When you talk to these assholes, its like they are so put out that they have to come down off Mount DBA to mingle with the unwashed masses and how dare you take their super important time to answer a question on a job you're doing as a favor anyway. Surely the DBA gods have the same cut & paste abilities that I do, they don't need me for this shit.

The biggest problem is the 'project manager'. She is a DBA with 0 technical skills that has apparently never headed up any project, and she's turned what was essentially a minor firewall issue into a full migration thats not going to fix the issue and has attracted the attention of management. She has me up this friggen early working on my day off because she doesn't want to take suggestion and is trying to swing her non-existent dick around to show her boss how competent she is...by turning a 1 day change into a 3 week old project.

Fuck DBA's and the schemas they rode in on.

/rant.
need more coffee
 
thats funny cause everytime i need a DBA to do something its like 72 hours to get done but when i need IT to do something its like 3 months.
 
i thought this was going to be about fast food paychecks

jonestown food services d.b.a. mcdonald's
pay to the order of
jeffrey lebowski

three hundred twenty two and 33/100 ------------------------ dollars
 
most stressful jobs r those where yor not in control of wat yor responsible for

aka IT support lol
 
dis thred giving me office space vibes

cast
dbas: fat ginger chicks
jugs: milton
mgmt: lumberg/etc
 
JuggerNaught said:
The biggest problem is the 'project manager'. She is a DBA with 0 technical skills
Click to expand...

I'm in a similar situation at my job now. Boss of 22 years retired, he was a guru, SVP. Programmed 10 things at once, had the entire system in his head. Management didn't want any of the 4 remaining programmers to have the job. We interview people to take his place with the assumption that person is going to code. The new person trains with the guru for 2 months and one of the programmers trains him as well. Guru retires, new person doesn't code a single line of code, just asks us for status updates on our projects. I've had a couple meetings with the other SVP who took his office and didn't give the job to any of us and told him it was a mistake what they did. I have no desire to work for the "manager" and talk to him as little as possible. I get my projects from the BAs and the help desk system. The problem was, if any of the 4 programmers got the job, it was assumed we would be like our previous boss and be a guru (programming). Yet the new guy hasn't completed a single project yet (no programming). On top of that, he has dementia, doesn't remember anything. I've told this to the SVP.

Example #2. Just after the guru left, we took on a project involving another company where they would send us orders and we would process them. They contract out all the programming to a 3rd party. The manager is a women who has no technical background. On conference calls, she would ask why things are not done, and why is it taking us so long. Any time we ask them to make a change, they complain like little kids. They also have a time frame of 90 days to get any programming done with their 3rd party, yet they want any changes we have to make done in days.

The SVP has now had it with the other company. In my last meeting with him, I said the way he feels about the other company is the way I feel about the manager who does nothing.

In short, managers who don't code suck. There's a meme out there that says, "Learn To Code." The problem is, all they do is ask for status updates, "Is It Done?" If you tell them what you're working on, then they bug you on that asking for more status updates. Then when you tell them you're done, they assign some crap project (like Juggs got), then ask when it's going to be done. This cycle repeats, so even if you're perfect and code everything, you're always under a made up deadline just because the manager wants a status update. It's stupid and I won't play that game any more, so I ignore the manager.

I have been in a few situations where the manager didn't code, and they were fired, or left the company. My best bosses have all been gurus who coded with the programmers.
 
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I was a DBA for a big insurance company. Got mad pussy sent my way from groups that didn't want me fuckin' with their shit. I was evil and well compensated for it. Good times.
 
ngfm - are you a contractor or full-time employee? if its such an issue, why don't you step up to the manager position and get the machine rolling again? do the managers get paid more or, less?

side note - i feel bad for those of you who work for a company that A) updated the company logo to a homo rainbow logo for their social media and B) is forced to move females into manager roles just to appease the twitter victim rage-mobs.
 
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