Okay, so how do I make this jailhouse burrito?
First you need a brick of ramen and a bag of chips. Chicken flavor is favored, but chili flavor is zestier and more likely to please a wetback palate. As for the chips, Doritos are usually the way to go, but regular potato chips or even Cheetos work. Cool Ranch Doritos and chicken-flavored ramen make a nice mellow blend. Nacho cheese Doritos and chili-flavored ramen bring the burn. The former would be served with a crisp Riesling or a Sauvignon Blanc, and the latter should be served with a spicy Shiraz or a California Zinfandel. You would, however, be in jail, bitch, so you'll be drinking Pruno, if anything. Below are the steps to follow after making your chip and ramen selection, should you be lucky enough to have a choice. Make sure to do this out of your cell at one of the metal tables that are bolted to the concrete floor.
File:JapaneseDoritos.jpg
You won't see these in jail, weeaboo, but the packaging includes a helpful move you may need there.
Crunch up ramen, preferably with your calloused, tattooed knuckles. Pros don't break the package.
Pop Doritos open loudly, and crunch them to smithereens with your fingers.
Pour ramen bits and flavor pouch into Doritos bag. Don't worry, there's plenty of room. Doritos packages mostly contain air.
Bits of Slim Jims can be added for extra deliciousness.
Pour a standard coffee cup of hot water, avaiable from the single hot water tap in your pod, into the Doritos bag.
Stir with plastic spoon.
Roll the top of the Doritos bag over the rest of the bag, and roll your jail towel around the Doritos bag so that the burrito can steep properly.
Wait five minutes.
Open, stir, and enjoy with a plastic spoon, the only eating utensil you are allowed to have.
