To all you Seniors in Highschool....

S

slogg

Contributor
Veteran XX
I have a question, i am in the process of writing my personal statement for my college application and was wondering if some people could post theirs so i can see what kind of format you used to do it.
 
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just write an essay.


My friend got into a school with:

where do you see yourself in 10 years:

he wrote an essay about him being a pirate ship captain
 
Say your friend had cancer and how you helped them through it

No way for them to prove you wrong and it's sappy enough
 
yea i need to think up a nice sappy one about my herion addicted mother
 
During my time spent at Naperville Central High school I have learned many things that I feel will help me in my future. I have done my best to undertake classes that I feel have challenged me and prepared me for my life. I am currently employed at “Turtle Wax” car wash, where I have been working since this June. I am one of the top employees and have received many compliments for my particular detail and my courtesy. I am also trusted with the cars that need the best job done that they can get. In my free time I enjoy playing basketball and tennis. I also enjoy working on computers doing digital art and I have taken many classes on the subject matter. After I graduate I wish to complete college with a major in marketing and a minor in management. I also someday hope to have a good family and a life that I can look back on and feel happy about.


To accomplish these goals I feel that Illinois State University is the best school for me. I recently visited the school this Columbus day and was very impressed and felt it out did any other campus that I visited. Thank you for taking the time to read my application and I hope to see you this fall.




please critique
 
Kind of boring, cookie cutter statement. Think of something that makes you stand out above the other 20,000 blokes that apply to Illinois.
 
sLoGg said:
During my time spent at Naperville Central High school I have learned many things that I feel will help me in my future. I have done my best to undertake classes that I feel have challenged me and prepared me for my life. I am currently employed at “Turtle Wax” car wash, where I have been working since this June. I am one of the top employees and have received many compliments for my particular detail and my courtesy. I am also trusted with the cars that need the best job done that they can get. In my free time I enjoy playing basketball and tennis. I also enjoy working on computers doing digital art and I have taken many classes on the subject matter. After I graduate I wish to complete college with a major in marketing and a minor in management. I also someday hope to have a good family and a life that I can look back on and feel happy about.


To accomplish these goals I feel that Illinois State University is the best school for me. I recently visited the school this Columbus day and was very impressed and felt it out did any other campus that I visited. Thank you for taking the time to read my application and I hope to see you this fall.




please critique
Click to expand...


I, I, I, I, I, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me....

Remember, it's not what the college can do for you, it's what you can do for your college
 
scy7he said:
I, I, I, I, I, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me....

Remember, it's not what the college can do for you, it's what you can do for your college
Click to expand...



you seem to have a valid point, but how do i add to the college...
 
-]DoW[-RedDeath said:
aint goin to college...lacking grades and credits, i dont have any motivation right now :/

manual labor, here i come...
Click to expand...

r u lazy or just plain stupid...im in the same situation, however im a junior
 
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