So my stupid smoke detector's going off for no reason

Your building requires maintenance to replace a smoke detector battery? That's ridiculous. If you can't open it up to remove the battery, smash it until it ceases and call maintenance to replace the whole detector.
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UPDATE: I tried removing the battery, but the detector's still going -- as I suspected, the battery's just a backup. I would try replacing it with a new one, but I have no 9V batteries handy, so I just put the old one back in.

And yes, the detector is going full force, in earnest, only stopping to "catch its breath" for 10-20 second intervals before blasting forth again.

And yes, I have checked everywhere in my apartment, and there is no conceivable legitimate reason, fire or CO-related, that it should be going off. If it was the OMG SILENT KILLER, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead by this point, because we're past the half-hour mark now. :D

I'd go out to get a battery, but I have no car, I'm not sure how late the buses run, and most of the convenience stores/pharmacies within walking distance are probably closed by now (retarded this close to the college, I know)

As for smashing the damn thing...if I was paying the rent on my own dime, I think I could take any heat that would result from minor tampering with the fire equipment. But since it's my parents' dime, I naturally have to exercise a fair bit of prudence in whatever I do here.
stop watching anime and buy a battery

what are you 8

Read the above.

Walgreens 3 blocks down the street is closed.

No car, so I'd be hoofing it at least four times that distance to the nearest convenience store.

And there's no guarantee that a fresh battery will shut it up, either, because removing the old one didn't even turn it off.
It'll probably keep half the people on your floor up with you if you don't do something about it.

If you're not allowed to touch your smoke detector you probably don't have access to your room's breakers, either, so if there's no on-call maintenance staff get yourself a broom handle and beat it until candy comes out
is there a wire going in to the ceiling

if so disconnect it and call maintenance in the morning

this is pretty pathetic ben reed
could be a dirty detector if its optical

usually when a backup goes bad it gives a warning, not a constant chiming

you have no way to test the backup battery?
Are you sure its a smoke detector?

It could be a douche alarm. Is suicidetaxi anywhere nearby?
if u cant call maintenance i think u can call the fire department and ask what you can do, afaik they regulate that shit anyway