two different heart aches
the first one was the first girl i ever did date
i was 17 and she was really pretty
and i was like "what the **** how am i dating this girl"
anyway, it was pretty great for 8 months
first everything with her besides anal stuff. Sometimes she was a tad *****y but it wasn't anything crazy towards me, just towards other people, so i was like "alright whatever"
lots of sex, lots of chill times
she went to germany for a month in the summer for an exchange program and i got a postcard and we spoke twice on the phone. I didn't think much of it, shes in a different country ffs. So i jammed to Guns n Roses first album all day eeery day and hung with my boys
A week or less before she gets home, a friend of mine says
"yo chris, did you know alex has a live journal?" And i'm all nah man, so?
"Well shes saying some pretty ****ed up **** on it dude"
...well why dont ya link me buuuuuuuddy
So he does and i read some stuff
mainly the first post i read is some questionairre thing
"last person you kissed last person you talked to" that kinda ****
well based on her answers she was making out with eeeeryone in duetchsland
I had asked her not to smoke while over there since at the time i didnt like cigs or pot or even drinking (lol lame = me) and she TOTALLY DID.
so making outs and being drunk and crazy
To my first relationship brain, it was too much
I flipped out and threw **** around my room and cried and was all WHAT THE **** ALEX WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS Q_Q
i had even planned my first semester at college in such a way to give me fridays off so i could come visit on weekends (i never once had a friday class through my entire collegate career)
When she got home i played it cool. I'd had enough time to go passive agressive. She didnt know i knew about her secret journal thingy.
One of her friends nicknamed her BJ Alex while in Germany. I never got to the bottom of that, she played it off and at this point i didnt give a damn. I found some drugs in her room since this was the first time i snooped, and saw some photos of her being crazy and stupid to my eyes at the time.
So we screw a few times and then its the next week. Her parents are out of town for the whole week.
I man up and break up with her the first day of the 7 day without parents **** fest, citing
"i fell out of love with you"
never told her why.
So it broke my heart and took me 4 months to get over. I made a good girl friend and her and her mom and i would talk about that **** and eventually i got over it
prologue
I had the chance this past month to re-read the questionaire since i had apparently saved it to my computer
in my wisened eyes, the only thing that was ****ty was the kissing. She repeatedly put that she loved me, i'm her best friend, that kind of ****. And now, knowing what its like to live in another country for months, i dont find what she did all that bad at all. Plus i drink and smoke so that doesnt bother me none.
cliffs:
first girlfriend cheated on me with guys by kissing them
second one coming in a bit.
I could just talk about all my exs if you wanted
we tried to get back together a few weeks later, but as i've learned...once i break up with a girl, i can never go back to them. I was cold and distant and gone.
I've thought about emailing her and telling her whats up from the future and why i broke her heart
but then i feel that would be lame