I just awoke from a drunken slumber, so don't take this as any sort of drunk rant, but I figure while you're in hating-me-mode (and this should last for months, at least) I might as well sacrifice what small friendship we had reconstructed (and that you've managed to neglect far too often) to do the duty of pointing this out to you:
You're dating a hipster douchebag. Love may know no bounds, but growing up certainly does; and the guy you're with seems to have neglected this fact.
I mean, just FYI, but the guy you're with looks like he's sixteen and is the type who ends up becoming a career retail-store-manager mainly because no one will ever take seriously someone who looks like they never grew out of the highschool trends phase.
Like, yes, of course, I am being a tremendous asshole but it's been long enough now [ed's note- she's been dating him for almost a year] that you should have come to grips with the fact you're dating someone who creates jokes for every major internet outlet and most comedians simply by existing.
The fact you still get mad at me when I make fun of him shows me you've yet to accept the fact that your boyfriend dresses and likely acts like he's in Grade 10 instead of being well into his twenties.
I mean, I've never met the guy [ed's note - when we hang out she makes sure he's well away, mainly because he hates the fact she hangs out with me and I'd probably kick his ass were he around] but I'd bet my left nut that he acts like a hipster douchebag too - he probably thinks he's too smart and too cool for most regular people, which is a terrible shame - I may act like an egotistical douchebag from time to time, but I assure you that it is simply an act and I would never presume to behave that way around regular everyday people.
In any case name censored, ever since you've started dating this particular joke you'll notice it's always been a point of contention among us - mainly because you're far too smart and too talented to fall in love with someone like him, and in all honesty it bothers the hell out of me. I swear to Christ, if he doesn't wake up every day thanking his Hipster Jesus for the fact you came along then he really should start.
Anyway, I feel as a friend I had the duty of pointing out the kind of douchebag you were with - although I guarantee you're going to hate me for it, and I'm really more than comfortable with that.. our friendship was rather tepid while you were with him anyway, because I've always sided with "being friends with you" versus "trying to show you the kind of douche you've managed to fall in love with", but it's come to the point where I just don't care anymore.
I would seriously hope that if I fell in love with a girl who was equally as laughable, you'd do the right thing and point it out to me.
In any case, I did want to show you History of the World Pt. 1 soon [ed's note - girl is heavy into Roman/Greek history, and has never seen this classic] but I don't think Captain Boathouse would've been at all cool with it, and you likely hate me now so it's a non-issue. I'll talk to you after you eventually wake up & break up with this running joke, and until then I'll be cherishing the odd memory or two we cobbled together while you were with him.
Kind Regards,
Adam
