Greetings from Internetsville intimidating anonymous MySpace stalker!
My name is Anthony 'Rayn' Maio, formerly of the ABBA cover band 'Three Blind Swedes', now doing business from the sunny shores of New Zealand, where might makes right. As you can imagine, we here at Tribalwar.Com take legal action VERY seriously, and I was pleased as punch to pass your concerns onto our legal department for review so we could best determine how to police the Internet. After my lawyer, an hornery Maori man by the name of Wilson, poured over your e-mail for several hours, I was informed that he cannot read. I read your letter to him slowly, making allowances for time to try and decode your broken English and poor grammar, but he still didn't understand your point. After several hours of frustrated grunting and intimidating facial expressions from Wilson, I was able to communicate your message to him through interpretive dance, the native language of the Maori people. After Wilson stopped laughing, I told him that this letter was for real, but he didn't believe me. The more I assured him that the Internet was serious business the harder and harder he laughed until he suffered some kind of shooting pain in his abdomen. As it turns out, Wilson had ruptured his appendix and required immediate surgery.
After he regained conciousness, he detailed for me a series of cunning legal stratagem in primitive pictograms he feels are certain to stunt any action taken by the law firm you have at your beck and call against our site. I also suspect he's been eating his own feces from his bed pan, so I think he means business.
Under his counsel, we've outlined a comprehensive plan of ignoring any quasi-legal voodoo threats we receive from potential enemies of the motherland. That being said, I'm afraid I can not comply with your request to reveal our outline for the remedy you seek nor can I discuss the unflattering sketch Wilson has just drawn of you and your amatuer pornstar cohort for reasons of national security, but trust me when I say the wheels are really turning here at Tribalwar.Com. We will advise you and your law firm when we've taken the appropriate action or my next bowel movement, which ever occurs first.
Best Regards,
Anthony
