[official] tao of tribe

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10-19-2011, 22:17
i blow horn of simoom + consolidate all ancient wisdom of tao in this thread so it live 4ever in annal of tribe


the words of dynamo tzu

the wayward son
was once a wise old tribe player who have 3 young son. he work hard as fisherman all his life & decide 2 ask his son their plan 4 future, so he sit down and ask them what they wish 2 be when they grow up. first son say, "i will b carpenter, will build ppl house, chair, table, bed. every1 will need my craft." the father nod and say, "this is noble profession 2 be proud of."

the second son say, "i will be farmer, will grow food and raise animal 2 feed all my neighbor. every1 will be fed from my farm." the father nod and say, "this is also noble profession 2 be proud of."

the third son say, "i will be highly skill player of tribe. i will master route of HO on all map, become expert of disc & master of chain, every1 will recognize me as goat tribe player." the father curl his lip and slap third son in the face and say, "play tribe is not profession 2 be proud of, is not profession at all, tribe is video game not srs business."

the third son cry and say, "but father u play tribe for many year y cant i be like u." the father say 2 son, "that right i play tribe, i do not work tribe. all these years i catch fish for u. but did u ever eat HO route? ur brother will build house, but did u ever sleep inside base of raindance? ur other brother will raise crop, did u ever eat bread made of chaingun?" son say, "ahh father now i understand. when i grow up i think i b fisherman like u." the father nod and say, "this is noble profession 2 be proud of."

the tao of tribe

the beach of lost goats
2 old tribe player were walk along a beach & argue about tribe ranking of home D. they argue for hour and finally agree on rough ranking of goat home D. "ok we finally agree let us write down best players of all time here on this beach" so they write names of best players on beach.

a week later the 2 tribe player walk down same beach and see tide has washed away names of goat home D. they say "let us carve name of goat home D on this wooden pier so ppl will always know who was best" so the 2 tribe player carve names in pier and leave. for many year ppl see names on this pier and know goat home D.

many years later hurricane come and wash away pier & names of goat home D are lost. the 2 tribe player, now old men, decide 2 build monument 2 goat home D as their final act.

they find great boulder and hire worker to move it near beach and men 2 carve names of goat home D into stone. finally the 2 tribe player satisfied they leave permanent record of goat home D.

a hundred thousand years pass & the sea & sand & wind finally wash away the names of goat home D from the great boulder. a cocky young tribe player soon walk by this large rock and wonder wut it doing on this beach. then he go home 2 play tribe. he play home D and dominate every1 and all player recognize his skill. when he go 2 sleep that night

he think 2 himself, "hehe, all tribe player will remember my name as goat home D for as along as that rock around on beach." and he smile 2 himself in satisfaction of his goat status.

the tao of tribe

the cow's ascension
an old tribe player was live on a dairy farm w/ his young son. 1 day his son come 2 him and say, "father, i want 2 play tribe ascend." the old tribe player was shock and say, "son, tribe ascend is not real tribe. dont u want 2 play real man tribe?" but his son was insist and say, "i dunt care about tribe that is old, i want 2 play new tribe ascend."

the old tribe player think 2 himself, "ahh, my son is 2 young 2 understand glory of tribe itself, he seduce by fancy graphic of new tribe ascend. i must make example for him."

next morning young son come down 2 breakfast and his father have several item on table. b4 son can ask y, father say, "son, tribe is like cow." son was very confuse & just stare and think his father crazy. but the father continue, "tribe provide many great thing, like cow do." he pick up glass of milk and ask son, "what this come from?" and the son say, "that come from cow."

father hold up strip of leather and ask, "what this come from?"

the son say, "that come from cow."

father hold up a cut of meat and ask, "what this come from?"

the son say, "that come from cow."

finally the father reach under table and pull out a bucket of **** and ask, "what this come from?"

the son say, "that come from cow."

the father say, "no! that come from cow ass end"

the tao of tribe

the farmer's shoes
a wise old tribe player was gather acorn 4 stew when young tribe player come ask his advice. "master of tribe, what bind is good 4 rep kit?" master of tribe say nothing at first as he continue 2 gather acorn, then tell this story. he start:

"was once farmer who live in small hut by field. he work hard tending crop all day & come home exhaust. each night he put his shoe on floor & go 2 sleep. when he wake up one day he go 2 put his shoe on & feel sharp pain & say, 'aahh! a scorpion has sleep in my shoe and sting my foot!"

"the farmer have 2 work all day w/ swollen foot. that night he put shoe up on table 2 keep scorpion out. he go to sleep think how clever he is 2 outsmart scorpion. next morning he wake up and put shoe on & feel sharp pain again & say, 'ahh! a spider has made home in my shoe and bite my foot!' again he have 2 work all day w/ swollen foot."

"next night farmer decide 2 put his shoe up on top of roof of shack. he go 2 sleep think 'ha, i outsmart scorpion & spider and keep shoe on roof.' as farmer sleep his small village raided by bandits, he awoke 2 sound of fighting and jump out of bed. he frantic search 4 shoe but forget they r on roof so he run outside barefoot. he 2 slow to escape bandits w/ no shoe & he shot w/ arrow and die."

young tribe player understand wisdom of ancient tribe master & from then on bind rep kit 2 easy accessible button that can always be press quick in heat of battle.

the tao of tribe

the youth's challenge
was once ancient tribe master who was said 2 have best disc aim of all time. it was said he never miss shot in MA or on ground and his disc always find target. one day ambitious young tribe player seek him out and find him meditate on top of mountain. young tribe respectfully approach him and say, "master, i just hit 25 MA in game of tribe, how many MA must i hit in game 2 b consider goat of disc?" the master say nothing & continue 2 meditate. the young tribe player ask him again & finally the master say, "u can never hit enough."

young tribe player take this advice 2 mean he need improve and return home 2 practice. he spend many hour practice his MA and return 2 tribe master many month later. he find ancient tribe master meditate in same spot on mountain. he say 2 him, "master, i hit 50 MA in game of tribe. how many i need 2 b consider goat of disc?" the tribe master keep meditate quietly and finally say, "u can never hit enough."

young tribe player resolve 2 practice more than any man ever. for many year he use only disc & become master of MA. he become like machine of tribe and avg over 100 MA per game. finally he return 2 mountain of ancient tribe master and say, "master, i hit over 100 MA in every game of tribe i play. i believe i am goat of disc & respectfully wish 2 challenge u." the tribe master open his eye from meditation and say, "i accept ur challenge. u will defend flag against me."

so young tribe player find himself defend flag and await cap route of ancient tribe master. he very aware and focus on all known fast cap route & have many year of practice MA incoming capper & make this shot w/ 99% accuracy. after many minute ancient tribe master appear over hill in hvy armor. young tribe player immediately MA him but ancient tribe master shoot mortar & young tribe & explode him as he make heavy grab. young tribe respawn & chase tribe master and MA him three more time but this just propel ancient tribe master faster 2 home & he cap flag. young tribe player angry & say, "that cap prove nothing, i hit u with 4 MA." ancient tribe master just smile and say, "this is true, u did hit me with 4 MA. but u can never hit enough."

young tribe then realize wisdom of ancient tribe master's word 2 mean that no amount of MA can secure victory of tribe since it is only single tactic 4 single weapon & not useful in all situation. true goat of disc know when 2 disc & when 2 put disc away.

the tao of tribe

the pond of wisdom
an ancient tribe master was walk around a pond when young tribe player approach him. "master," say the young tribe player. "i want 2 increase skill with chaingun but i am kick from server when i kill admin, wut should i do?"

the ancient tribe master did not seem 2 hear, he just fiddle w/ his mustache & feed fish in the pond. for many minute he was silence. finally young student ask again, "master how can i practice chain-" and the ancient tribe master cut him off with sudden slap 2 the face and knock student to the

b4 he can protest tribe master say, "i already answer ur question." and student say, "but u say nothing master." and ancient tribe master say, "that right i say nothing. u ask what to do when u practice chain and kill admin and he kick u and i say nothing. 2 be kick for killing admin is not worse fate of tribe player. worse fate 2 be kick and complain on message board and post youtube and reveal urself as a lowly dog who practice chaingun and lack honor on last remaining tribe pub server." and student say, "ahh master u are right."

the ancient tribe master just nod and continue to walk around pond.

the tao of tribe

the wrong question
1 day there were 2 old tribe player sit on a bench 2gether

first tribe player say, "i was best tribe home D all time, i kill many capper, stop many grab, no1 can defend flag like me"

second tribe player say, "i was best tribe LO of all time, i kill many home D, make many field grab, no1 can escort flag like me"

then the 2 tribe player notice a man walking a dog approach them, they recognize he is greatest tribe player of all time known to all men

2 tribe player say "oh greatest tribe player of all time pls tell us which of us best at tribe"

great tribe player pause and look at them, then he slowly pat his dog head and say, "tribe? there is no tribe" then walk away

the tao of tribe

the missing scrolls

BOOK 1: "The Silent Void"
Thus spoke Tim Gift:

" When you have learned to mid-air mortar,

it will be time for you to Leave "


Something unknown is formed, born in the Silent Void.

Waiting alone and unmoving ***8211; it is momentarily still,

yet in constant motion.

It is the source of all things Tribal. I do not know

it's name, so I will call it the Tao of Tribes.

If the Tao is great, then the server is great.
If the server is great, then the ping is great.
If the ping is great, then the game is great.
The pubber is pleased, and there is harmony in the world.

The Tao of Tribes flows far away and returns on the
wind of


The Tao gave birth to Dynamix. Dynamix
gave birth to Slacker.
Slacker gave birth to Tribes. Now there are thousands
of players.
Each player has its purpose, however humble. Each
player expresses the Yin and Yang of the Game.
Each player has its place within the Tao.
But do not deal with CyanidePanda if you can avoid it.


In the beginning was the Tao. The Tao gave birth to Ping
and Framerate.
Therefore Ping and Framerate are the Yin and Yang of Tribes.
Players that do not comprehend the Tao are always
complaining about
Ping and Framerate of their Game. Players that
comprehend the
Tao always possess DSL and 3dfx.
How could it be otherwise?


The wise player is told about Tao and follows it.
The average player is told about Tao and searches for it.
The foolish player is told about Tao and searches for
If it were not for newbies, there would be no Tao.

The oob snipers are hardest to see. Going forward is a
way to get disk-mined.
Great talent shows itself late in Game. Even a
perfect capper still has botched routes.

BOOK 2: "The Legendary Masters"
Thus spoke Tim Gift:

" After three days without Tribes

life becomes meaningless. "


The players of the old were mysterious and powerful.
We cannot fathom their skill and strategies, so all we do
is describe their appearance.

Strong like a charging bull.

Stealthy like a midnight predator.

Fast like a gray hawk.

Noble like a king.

Who can tell the secrets of their minds?

The answer exists only in Tao.


The Grandmaster Natural once dreamed that he was a newbie.

When he awoke, he exclaimed:

" I do not know whether I am Natural dreaming that

I am a newbie,

Or a newbie dreaming that I am Natural! "


A Player from a respected clan went to a LAN party

and returned to report to his leader, saying:

" What kind of Players are these? They behaved strangely

and only stopped playing to smoke marijuana.

Their appearance was bad and unkempt, hair long and

greasy, and hands cramped from clutching the mouse. "

The Leader said:

" I should have never sent you to the

LAN. Those players live beyond the physical world.

They consider life absurd, an accidental coincidence.

They come and go without knowing limitations.

Without a care, they live only for their game.

Why should they bother with social conventions?

They are alive within the Tao. "


A newbie once asked the #tribes op

" Here is a player who never practices and is not in a tribe.

Yet all who know him think him to be the greatest player

in the Game "

The Op replied:

" That Player has mastered the Tao.

He has gone beyond the need for practice;

he does not become angry when the ping is high

but accepts the universe without concern.

He has gone beyond the need for a tribe;

he no longer cares if anyone else covers him.

He is perfect within himself. Truly, he has entered

the mystery of Tao. "

and set ***8216;***8211;v***8217; on the newbie.

BOOK 3: "Strategy"
Thus spoke Tim Gift:

" When in the battlefield it is too late

to make changes. "


There was once a Player who went to a

great big LAN party. Each day during that

party he would come in and tell the security

guard at the door:

" I am a famous thief and this LAN will

not go unplundered "

These words disturbed the security guard deeply

as the LAN was full of expensive equipment.

Each day he would watch the Player carefully

and give him full body searches after the day was over,

but to no avail.

At the end of the festivities the Player told the security

guard that he has plundered a great deal of booty.

Greatly perplexed the guard asked him what booty was

The Player talking about, since nothing was found on him.

Player smiled and said:

" I***8217;ve been stealing strategies "


There was once a great tribe, which achieved victories

without any apparent strategy.

A younger inexperienced tribe seeking to imitate them

tried to do battle without a strategy and got schooled

viciously by their first opponent.

When the leader of the younger clan asked the leader

of the veterans to evaluate them, the Master Leader

criticized him for lack of strategy, saying:

" What is appropriate for the Master is not

appropriate for the novice. You must understand

Tao before transcending strategy "


Grandmaster Cheater when still young

listened to complaints of his

fellow Players once and have found that lack

of Strategy causes great grief to them.

So with his word he created Cheaters Wayside,

Causing misbalance in the Tao.

The misbalance disturbed harmony.

Therefore llamas appeared to balance out Cheaters

positive energies.


Master Ballistic once said:

" I believe in the 'perfect tribes moment' as I call it. Every so often

in the rare times I pub CTF I see no *****ing, no TK's, people playing

defense, and I have better than average prediction. I feel a serene feeling

of oneness with every Player from the Newbie to fellow Master. "

When the Strategy is good the Tao is also good,

the caps and wins are plentiful

and there is harmony in the world.

BOOK 4: "Leadership"
Thus spoke Tim Gift:

" Let the Players be many and the

Leaders few - then all will be good "


A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.

A swift-flowing stream does not grow stagnant.

A deer blends perfectly into the forest colors.

Tribe rots if not led properly.

These are great mysteries.


Grandmaster TheRedDread in his young

years accepted a Player into his team

once, seeing how good he was.

Indeed the Player was very skillful.

So great was Player***8217;s ability,

that Grandmaster decided to

initiate him into the mystery of Tao.

The player however only laughed

At the Grandmaster saying that so great is

his skill, he does not need the Tao.

The Grandmaster banished the player

from the tribe immediately, and watched

as the other Tribes that Player was in

afterwards disbanded.

A great Leader not only understands

the Tao and follows it, but makes sure

that his Players know and embrace it too,

for Tribe without Tao is not a Tribe.


A great Leader knows Tao and

passes it on to his Tribe.

An average leader knows Tao

And keeps it to himself.

A bad leader rejects the Tao

and devastates his Tribe like

a Tsunami.

BOOK 5: "The Llamas"
Thus spoke Grandmaster elenex:

" What the ****? "


Once the Almighty Tim Gift was pubbing

on Grandmaster Cheater***8217;s server and

got into a dire need of escort.

While skiing over a hill he noticed two

Players who were O sniping.

Covering his appearance with that of a

simple capper, Tim Gift asked them for


One of the Players promptly helped

Him, while the other one ignored the


Upon making the cap Tim Gift shook off

His appearance of a capper and summoned

Both Players before him, and said the following:

" Both of you will be rewarded to the extent of your

worth in the Tao "

He then awarded the Player who helped him with

the skill of Mine Disk, and turned the other one into a

Llama, and doomed him and his offspring and the

offspring of his offspring to eternal Llamnation.

And that was how the first Llamas appeared.


It was said Each player has its purpose, however humble.
Each player has its place within the Tao.
But one must understand that there are two sides to Tao.

Embrace the Tao, accept the Tao and your life will be


Reject the Tao, deny it, and slowly you will go to it***8217;s

Darker side.


A then young Grandmaster Rasta asked Tim gift once:

" Master, I am perplexed. I want to accept and embrace the

Tao, but I do not know how. Help me understand the Tao. "

Thus replied Tim Gift:

" One cannot comprehend the Tao.

Can a Newbie comprehend favorites ?

Can a flag comprehend a Capper ?

Can a Renegades player comprehend Base?

One can only listen to the Tao and follow it.

But your willingness is commendable young Rasta. "

And after speaking so Tim Gift created the 10 posts.

5.4 ***8211; The 10 posts of Tao

Thou shall not TK.
Thou shall not Flame.
Thou shall not Chat-Spam.
Thou shall not OOB Snipe.
Thou shall not Smurf.
Thou shall not Tribehop
Thou shall /ignore the Llamas
Thou shall respect Competition
Thou shall uphold Teamwork.
Thou shall not play Quake.

Grandmaster Rayn looked at the 10 posts and added the 11th one

Thou shall not have sig over 20 kb.

And removed Tim Gift***8217;s signature.

Thus spoke Tim Gift:

" It is time for you

to leave "

the tao of tribe

10-19-2011, 22:21
pls sticky asperger retard scuzzle

10-19-2011, 22:22
sticky plz

10-19-2011, 22:27

10-19-2011, 23:45
holy ****

10-20-2011, 00:47

10-20-2011, 00:48
pls sticky asperger retard scuzzle


10-20-2011, 01:10
many tribe player ask me, "dynamo, wut is origin of tao of tribe?"

i say 2 them, "tao of tribe have no origin. tao of tribe have always been."

other player ask me, "dynamo, what is purpose of tao of tribe?"

i say 2 them, "tao of tribe have no purpose, which is 2 say, tao of tribe have purpose 4 all thing."

finally, some player ask, "dynamo, how do i follow tao of tribe?"

i always say 2 them same thing, "tao of tribe already known to u. challenge of understand tao of tribe is not 2 learn new truth, it is 2 forget old falsehood."

the tao of tribe

Trading Fur
10-20-2011, 03:00
thank you.

10-20-2011, 03:45
Good stuff

10-20-2011, 06:11
this is terrible. TT is dying. bye

10-20-2011, 06:14

10-20-2011, 06:31
go get some sleep you sick **** :)

10-20-2011, 07:00

10-20-2011, 07:19
a good sticky

10-20-2011, 11:25
plz move thread to hof

10-20-2011, 11:38
this is best thread ever posted in tt

10-20-2011, 12:09
5.1 / 5.4 = :lol:

10-20-2011, 15:38
pls sticky asperger retard scumzzle

10-20-2011, 15:40
teratos 4 ban from TT

scumzzle git er done