How would you reply to something like this?

B

Big Monkey

Veteran XV
I am taking an online thing for a potential gig where I will be working with Email replies.

Here is what they want me to answer:
You have received a scathing letter today from a valued customer, Thomas Porter of Porter & Associates, regarding your Client Services Department. Mr. Porter, a partner of the company, reported that your company sent them the wrong order and felt the service representative was rude. Respond to your customer with your apologies and create at least two ideas to communicate the improvements your Client Services are making to improve your service.
State the purpose of your letter and include improvements that are currently being made to Customer Services.
Present your ideas clearly and logically.
Review your letter for any errors in spelling, punctuation and capitalization.
Keep your letter to no more than 4 paragraphs.
Feel free to create any details (company history, contact information, titles) mentioned as if this were a real case scenario.
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What do you think?

I expect the usual funny and dickead replies, but any serious answers will be appreciated :)

I will post my actual answer here soon
 
Dear Mr. Porter,

You are a faggot. Shut the fuck up. If you don't like the way my company does business, feel free to go fuck yourself with broken glass and rusty nails.

Sincerely,

Thomas Porter is a Faggot Inc. Support Team
 
Uhhh safe to say if you can't answer that on your own then you shouldn't even be considering this job..or considered for it.
 
Dear Fuckwad,

The customer is not always right. In fact, in this day and age, they're wrong more than they are right. You are one of "those" customers.

Fuck you. And your sister. Faggot.

Sincerely,
Another person in the long list of people who think you suck cock.
 
WrathChild said:
Uhhh safe to say if you can't answer that on your own then you shouldn't even be considering this job..or considered for it.
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How's this for answering it on my own twatface?
Dear Mr. Thomas Porter:

My name is Jose Salinas and I am your client service represantative with Blockbuster Video Inc. I read your letter regarding the incorrect item sent to you and the unfortunate service you received. Please accept my sincere apologies for the inconvenience. Your feedback is important to us and our management professionals are constantly working with our staff members in order to improve customer satisfaction. I will directly relay this information to them for those purposes.

Blockbuster video holds our customers in the highest regard and we consistently strive to improve our levels of service. We are currently developing a new order verification system that will contact you directly via email or telephone in an effort to eliminate these types of problems in the near future. We also are in the process of implementing employee learning centers in each of our call center faicilities so that all employees have the resources and opportunity to refresh and maintain excellent customer service skill sets.

Our company is dedicated to keeping all of our valued customers such as yourself and we would like to offer you up to 50% off your next two purchases as well as free shipping. You should expect these vouchers to arrive in the mail within the next five to seven business days.

Thank you very much for taking the time to contact me Mr. Porter. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns and would like to contact me, please feel free to do so at any time. My schedule is from Thursday to Sunday 11AM to 8PM CST and my telephone number is 1-888-555-1212 ext# 123. I can also be reached by email at josesalinas@blockbuster.com

Sincerely,

Jose Salinas
Lead Client Service Representative
Blockbuster Video
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And thanks for the usual replies guys, it makes me feel :heart:

Also... :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie:
 
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