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|R|u|s|t|y|
VeteranXV
Old
1 - 10-17-2017, 06:33 AM
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***Update***

---8 days out---

Firstly, thank you everyone for your support in this thread and in very thoughtful PMs that I've received, it means a lot from my tribalwarrior brothers (& tranny).

The first couple days after drinking I was EXTREMELY irritable. I was pissed, creating rollercoaster scenarios in my head with work, general anger issues, I was very much in a constant fight or flight mode.

I went 3 days without drinking, which is the longest I had gone in almost 2 years without drinking. It was previously 2 days.

Friday night I drove to see my parents and brother in Indiana, a 3 hour drive, and when I got there I had 1 cocktail and 2 1/3 full glasses of wine.

By Friday I had actually begun to feel better and stable. and then when I woke up the next morning I woke up extremely dehydrated and was wondering why I even did it.

Up until today, Wed. night, I haven't had anything else to drink and honestly it almost makes me ill to think about drinking it. My wife came home with some really good cherry wine from traverse city and I really want to have some of it but we said we'll have it in the next cpl nights and I'm not thinking about it or anything *itch*itch*. I've been in a couple situations where the people around me were cramming beers at a bar or when I was golfing with a friend but I honestly felt no desire for it.

The same thing happened when I smoked cigarettes. I chain smoked for 6 months then one day realized how crazy it was and how I was thinking about it all day and I was immediately turned off by it.

I DO still have an occasional cigarette and I'm sure I will have drinks on the weekend but right now I have the antabuse sitting and waiting at the pharmacy (**** is $50 wtf) and I have a couple sheets of paper with AA meeting #s if I want to go but I think that's far away from me now.

But I may also be totally in denial, I have no idea, but right now I'm not really craving alcohol.

I've heard once an alcoholic always an alcoholic but is it true?

_________________________ _________________________ _________________________ ___________

This is my 'getting over denial' post to my little secret-life TW friends. I've referred to my excessive drinking in other threads, but this is my necessary game-changer. I might have even made a post like this in the past, I simply don't remember, which is another reason I need to do this, my memory is shot.

I'm a functional alcoholic and i'm not embarrassed by it - it is what it is and i know millions struggle with it too. In today's world, with all of the enormous expectations of us, it's easy to crack and find an outlet and most likely it's not going to be a healthy one.

You may have seen my 'eye-opener/health scare' post last wednesday and alcohol was related, and probably is the core issue to my extremely high blood-pressure. Basically I would drink until I passed out, then wake up, chug coffee, espressos, water and take a bunch of advil to get over the hang-over.

On Wednesday, when I went to the doctor she asked if I had thought about taking Antabuse, basically a medicine that when you take it, if you drink, you get violently ill. I told her that since I'm being told by a doctor that it's becoming a serious issue for me and that I'm technically drinking at an alcoholic's level and it's leading to a lifestyle that's putting me in the doctor's office during the week, that I am strong enough to limit my drinking myself, but I guess I'm not. In the 5 days since that appointment, I've drank 4 days. So, on Wednesday, I have a follow-up appointment and I'm going to ask to be put on the antabuse.

I have reduced my coffee intake to only 2 cups in the morning and I'm off xanax, but on another anti-anxiety med now.

For those that may wonder how much I'm drinking... If I know my wife won't give me a headache, or she will be out of the house for an hour or so, I'll have 2 24oz. craft beers at a 8-12% ABV, or a 1/2 pint of vodka, or a bottle of wine about 5 days a week. Sometimes I would go behind a dumpster near where I live just before I went inside my home and kill the 1/2 pint of vodka in a cpl mins so my wife wouldn't know. Every once in a while it'd be a full pint. Sometimes I would drink a bottle of wine in like 20 mins if that's all that was around and I could hide in the bathroom or something.

As with many others I'm sure, my issue progressed over years and varying circumstances that I won't bore you with but ultimately, each time, I would either decide to drink from thinking it was just something that was fun, or as a coping mechanism for stress and anger.

Someone on the forum here was nice enough to offer me his phone number and to get together to talk about it and hang out and I think I'll take him up on it.

IDK if I wanna start AA or anything, hopefully I can deal with it with just the Antabuse, but I wouldn't be ashamed if I couldn't deal with the urges to drink myself and end up going, it's just another tool I guess.

I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders just by openly admitting to myself that I have this problem and beginning this process.

Ask questions if you have any, just please spare me the bs.

Have a good Tuesday!

Rusty
 
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Last edited by |R|u|s|t|y|; 10-25-2017 at 07:20 PM.
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h4rdluck
VeteranX
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2 - 10-17-2017, 06:47 AM
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Let's get it straight. You aren't a functional alcoholic. You are drinking daily. Hiding your drinking. Drinking a large amount in a short time. And starting a medication for people who can't control their own intake.

A functional alcoholic is someone who drinks a lot daily, doesn't have health effects associated with drinking, isn't ashamed to admit how much or how often they drink, certainly doesn't hide their drinking from others, and generally does not feel shame in regards to their alcohol habits. That doesn't make it better or right but that is your more typical classification of a functional alcoholic.

You are straight up an alcoholic. Anabuse is stupid. You will just stop taking it sometime and then drink again. AA is pretty rough... There are plenty of non whacko support systems for alcohol that aren't bat **** crazy. Trading in alcohol for AA is more like a self flaggelation punishment than a help group imo...but it does help lots of people stop drinking...so do what ya gotta do
 
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Last edited by h4rdluck; 10-17-2017 at 09:52 AM.
Ddrakon
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3 - 10-17-2017, 06:49 AM
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i'm a high-functioning sociopath
 
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Mr Jimmy Pop
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4 - 10-17-2017, 06:53 AM
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Never been addicted to anything so no idea what you are going through so just going to wish you good luck on your long road to recovery. Just don't give up.
 
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ArakAtak
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5 - 10-17-2017, 07:11 AM
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You are a ****ing *****

man up and have a drink for ****s sake, you just sound scared of the hangovers to me. Cut out all that coffee, advil and xanax nonsense and drink another 1/2 pint in the morning, you'll be right as rain in no time. Start smoking to help with the anxiety.
 
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clu
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6 - 10-17-2017, 07:38 AM
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not sure about Antabuse - i'm sure you'll test drinking on it at least once and that will be something you can use to update this OP. if you truly have an addictive personality you might be able to lick it yourself but AA will probably help to start
 
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epidemic
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7 - 10-17-2017, 07:38 AM
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I AM THE LIQUOR RANDY
 
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amRam
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8 - 10-17-2017, 07:44 AM
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When you're hiding behind dumpsters and chugging a bottle of vodka so that your wife won't know, you're not a functional anything.

Your post makes me lol. You're going to a doctor every week for a problem that you are voluntarily inflicting upon yourself. Just like the obese f**** who keep going on heart meds and blood thinners and other nonsense.

What a bizarre life. You literally have the power to fix it completely 100% just by limiting your drinking and modifying your diet. In fact if you really paid attention to your nutrition you wouldn't even have to stop drinking. Just cut back 50%.
 
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Highfive
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9 - 10-17-2017, 07:58 AM
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what a loser
 
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Zomnivore
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10 - 10-17-2017, 08:33 AM
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Hope you get your **** sorted.

No use dying young when you could be banging grandmas in your old age.
 
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arsin
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11 - 10-17-2017, 08:47 AM
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Best of luck to you Rusty!
 
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Falhawk
VeteranXV
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12 - 10-17-2017, 08:56 AM
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I have a friend who was put on that puking med. Further research is that no doctor should prescribe that. I guess there's some other medical that hits cravings.

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Rayn
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13 - 10-17-2017, 09:17 AM
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Don't take Antabuse. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to test it sooner or later. You're going to try a nip or two and its just going to make your face tingle. Then you'll try half a pint. Then you'll get so sick you'll require hospitalization. That's if you even take the pills, you'll probably just start tossing them out every morning sooner or later.

There are other medications, no pill will make you stop drinking. You could try naltrexone or campral. I hear they work for some people. Depends on your brain chemistry. You could go see a shrink if you're depressed or something and address that, I don't know.

If you're chugging vodka behind a dumpster you left 'functional' long ago. I mean once you start having serious negative health affects I'm not sure how functional you are, never mind the fact it sounds like you're hungover so often that you might not even be aware how much **** you feel like and how much function you've lost. Hell, you have no memory, probably because you don't really sleep.

You know what you might want to do to start out? Go to an AA meeting. That doesn't need to be your long term plan but it wouldn't hurt to network with some people in similar situations, talk about some **** with people who have drank behind dumpsters, that kind of thing. Make some friends.

If you're not down for that check into a 28 day program or at least go through a medical detox so you don't seize or something.


edit: someone noted that AA is a bunch of crazy people. some meetings are. try a different meeting. i mean they're probably no more than drinking behind dumpster crazy. i'd stay away from the chicks though.
 
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NoGodForMe
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14 - 10-17-2017, 09:30 AM
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Sounds very serious.

I only drink one time per week on the weekend, a six pack of craft beers. Don***8217;t drink during the week.

Go exercise instead and drink water. Make MeanGreen Juice as a detox. If you can***8217;t make it then go to Whole Foods with a juice bar.

Try cutting back by not drinking during the week and juicing instead.
 
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Last edited by NoGodForMe; 10-17-2017 at 09:33 AM.
Esteban_Villa
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15 - 10-17-2017, 09:40 AM
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You see drinking is making up a major hole in your life bro. You've got more to give but never properly utilized it. Maybe you even like sneaking off and drinking half a pint of vodka in one go.

You need to become a lunatic at something else if you want to get better. The smoother the transition the better. Try crossfit? Become a junkyard picker? Juicer? Bird watcher. Amateur ham radio enthusiast! Just fill the void that booze so deliciously holds with something you don't associate alcohol with and you will be fine.
 
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Last edited by Esteban_Villa; 10-17-2017 at 09:56 AM.
GreyGhost
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16 - 10-17-2017, 09:54 AM
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Look to the echo dot for answers.
 
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h4rdluck
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17 - 10-17-2017, 09:56 AM
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There is so much crazy in AA. I had to go for a family member a number of times and met many members over a period of time. It really does feel like trading one crazy for another... But...yea at least in AA you will hopefully be more sober. But the level of crazy is at least 8/10 constantly.
 
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Falhawk
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18 - 10-17-2017, 09:59 AM
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I know people in AA. Some are like hardcore religious people, others are on the other side. I dunno, if it works for them who gives a ****.
 
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naptown
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19 - 10-17-2017, 10:04 AM
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no more suckin dick 4 pints of vodka behind dumpsters on colfax ave 4 this rusty cowboy
 
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Kelven
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20 - 10-17-2017, 10:14 AM
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I did AA for a year and it was fine but I'm in the North East. I have heard it can be pretty crazy in other areas. It did help but I only did it for a year as I focused on other things. I have been sober for over 20 years.
 
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