OT: Very Sick Jokes(WARNING)

Not really sick but it's a joke...


There is a couple in a car, a man and his wife. The man is driving and is speeding and get's pulled over.

The officer asks him, "Do you have any you were going 70 miles an hour in a 50 zone?" The man replies "No sir, I'm sorry I guess I just wasn't paying attention." The wife chimes in - "You liar! You said you wanted to see if you could break 90!" The man says "Shut the fuck up bitch!"

Next the officer notices the man doesn't have his seat belt on. "Sir why aren't you wearing your seat belt?" The man replies "Oh I just took it off to get my wallet out so I could show you my liscence." The wife says "That's not true! You said seat belts are for losers!" The man says "Jesus woman shut up you slut!"

The officer then says, "M'am, does your husband always treat you like this?" She says "No, only when he is drunk."
 
A man is at his apartment, not doing anything when all of a suden his friend comes over.

Friend : "You gotta help me, me and the wife wanna go out but we have no baby sitter, think you could watch our 7 year old daughter, Jen, for the night?"

Man : "Yeah sure, no problem. I don't really have any plans for the night."

So the friends gives her his daughter and leaves to go out with his wife. The girl is there, and says "Mister, can we order a pizza?" He says "No, I'm sorry but how about I make you something?" She says, if we don't order a pizza I'll scream!" He thinks, Ugh what a bitch and says "Okay sweety, we can order a pizza." He orders it and that's that.

Later on he feels like taking a shower, and says "Ok Jen, I'm taking a shower. Watch TV or something." Jen says "Can I come too?" The man, stunned, says "No!" The girl repeats, if you don't let me I'll scream! So he says " NO!" and she begins the scream. It's so unbearable he says "Okay okay, look, you can come in but just don't look up." So they go in the shower, and what do you know. She looks up. "Mister what is that?" And not wanting to tell her it's his "Private area" he says, "Jen, that is a doll." Jen says "Can I play with it?" Man " NO!" Jen: "I'll scream!" The man says "Okay Okay fine."

They get out of the shower and the man says it's time to go to bed. Jen"Can I sleep with you?" The man who was used to her saying she would scream so he skipped the whole thing and said yes, you can.

In the middle of the night the man wakes up and sees blood everywhere. He says "What the fuck happened?!" Jen says, "I was playing with your doll and it spit so I cut off it's head!"
 
There was three car pile up on a Mexican highway and...
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...500 passengers died as a result.
 
A man goes to Joes Cat-House and asks for a woman.
"What price range are you interested in?" Asks Joe.
"All I have is a dollar.." Says the man.
"OK. Gimme the doller and go upstairs to room 13" sez Joe.
The man goes upstairs to room 13. He does his thing and comes back down to the attendant.
"Not bad!" He tells Joe, "But I couldnt help noticing that the woman was frothing at the mouth!"
"Damn!" Utters Joe and grabs the telephone. He dials a number and says "Hello, City Morgue? This is Joe. Send another one over, this one is full!"
:shinner:
 
Two gay guys were getting frisky while in their shower and one of them didn't finish. The phone rang and one of them had to get it. As he's getting out of the shower, he says to the other, "Don't finish without me." The other agrees and waits in the shower. Then when the first guy comes back he sees white stuff all over the walls of the shower. "I thought I told you not to finish without me!"

"I didn't finish," says the other guy, "I farted."
 
A guy walks into a whorehouse and says I want the best whore you have. The madam tells him the only whore I have left is an 97 year old woman He thinks about it for a moment and says ok . They start fucking and he starts sucking her tits and he gits some milk out he was supprised but keep on sucking ang fucking. When he got done he said I thought you would be to old to have breats milk. She said I am to old to have breast milk but I am not to old to have breast cancer .
 
How do you get a white woman pregnant?



Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
 
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 single serving cereal

1 single serving frozen dinner

The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single
are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically, "How
did you guess?" He replies, "because you're fucking
ugly!"
 
Michael Jackson and his new wife were sitting in a hospital room after she had just given birth to their brand new baby boy. The doctor walks in and Michael asks, "How long should we wait to have sex?" The doctor answers, "Wait until he's at least 14."
 
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