ok this is what happening

my parents are out with family friends, and they'll be back any minute so I need your help

heres some background

i volunteer on my cousins softball team (im 17, the girls are 15)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Allison, and we're going out for a while. We have a lot in common, sometimes i help her with her homework. I helped her on an english essay and she still got a C. This is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so I ask her to have sex

"no i cant its not right" she said but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her diddy kong racing and ken griffey jr baseball, and then she goes to my room. shes a bit confused and scared.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz I hear you guys on TW saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so I have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so i microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I don't know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Originally Posted by LGBR

ok this is what happening

my parents are out with family friends, and they'll be back any minute so I need your help

heres some background

i volunteer on my cousins softball team (im 17, the girls are 15)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Allison, and we're going out for a while. We have a lot in common, sometimes i help her with her homework. I helped her on an english essay and she still got a C. This is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so I ask her to have sex

"no i cant its not right" she said but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her diddy kong racing and ken griffey jr baseball, and then she goes to my room. shes a bit confused and scared.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz I hear you guys on TW saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so I have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so i microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I don't know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Maybe you should send her a photograph of your genitals to make up for it?

Pics and take the games back sounds like she backed out of the deal.

this can't be real

no ****in way is anyone this stupid

what

Do the same thing to her that I am going to do to you in 3 days for making this thread.

Punch in the mouth.

guys i am scared theyre pulling into the driveway now and she says its bleeding

1) You are an idiot

2) This thread is already HoF material

put some popcorn in there and make the whore sit on top of the stove... it'll be Jiffy Pop time before you know it

pop

edit: damn you Jack Black

this is NOT hof material.

What. The. ****.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i hope this isn't real or I'll never stop laughing

if its hot and buttery enough you could make actual TWAT WAFFLES, you just need some bater.

Originally Posted by Amadeus

1) You are an idiot

2) This thread is already HoF material

He's an idiot, sure... but HOF material? Seems like everyone is on some sort of HOF kick lately.

Read some of those threads, then come back here and read this ****ty one again, and tell me why this is HOF material?

LGBR, this was not a funny thread. You're trying too hard.

A much funnier thread would be the true story of how you sent pictures of your penis to everybody you could identify as a female on internet relay chat.

Another good option would be a stream of consiousness of what was going through your head as Sarcastick choke-slammed you at NerdLAN.

4/10