guys i'm counting my lucky stars and saying my prayers tonight because my precious life was almost lost when a ferocious spider jumped off the top of my t.v. and on to the floor.
I was just laying on my couch watching a movie when i saw a shadow gently fall down the screen. i quickly turned on the lamp next to me and my greatest fears became a realization.
there on the floor, staring at me with it's 540598340593 eyes, was a spider about the size of a half dollar. panic set in and i realized that my life could be over at any moment. this creature on had one thing on it's mind and that was eating me for dinner.
if it was going to eat me i was going to go in feet first kicking all the way but i could not let that happen.
i had to act quick for i was in great peril.
i was in deep peril, asshole deep to a 10 foot indian kinda peril.
without signaling to the vicious spider that i was going to grab my shoe, i grabbed my shoe.
my next move was one that could have either saved my life or ended it in a brief moment. the spider was poised to jump on my face and began its devouring of my entire body but i acted first.
i wielded the sandal with great courage. courage on top of fear. like a double bacon cheeseburger of emotions.
the spider was not expecting my attack as it came swift and deadly.
i struck hard and true, and creatures life was over.
god knows deep down i wanted to capture the spider torture it. interogate it. i wanted to know the location of all the other spiders in my house, but that would have to wait for another day.
looking back on the moment i can only commned myself for great bravery under the most extreme circumstances. i also look back at the life i took. even though it was going to eat my face i can't help but feel some sympathy for it's noble journey from the top of my t.v. to the floor. he was a brave little sucker.
i commned you worthy foe.
I was just laying on my couch watching a movie when i saw a shadow gently fall down the screen. i quickly turned on the lamp next to me and my greatest fears became a realization.
there on the floor, staring at me with it's 540598340593 eyes, was a spider about the size of a half dollar. panic set in and i realized that my life could be over at any moment. this creature on had one thing on it's mind and that was eating me for dinner.
if it was going to eat me i was going to go in feet first kicking all the way but i could not let that happen.
i had to act quick for i was in great peril.
i was in deep peril, asshole deep to a 10 foot indian kinda peril.
without signaling to the vicious spider that i was going to grab my shoe, i grabbed my shoe.
my next move was one that could have either saved my life or ended it in a brief moment. the spider was poised to jump on my face and began its devouring of my entire body but i acted first.
i wielded the sandal with great courage. courage on top of fear. like a double bacon cheeseburger of emotions.
the spider was not expecting my attack as it came swift and deadly.
i struck hard and true, and creatures life was over.
god knows deep down i wanted to capture the spider torture it. interogate it. i wanted to know the location of all the other spiders in my house, but that would have to wait for another day.
looking back on the moment i can only commned myself for great bravery under the most extreme circumstances. i also look back at the life i took. even though it was going to eat my face i can't help but feel some sympathy for it's noble journey from the top of my t.v. to the floor. he was a brave little sucker.
i commned you worthy foe.