TW Writers - Evaluate this segment of writing

I am an editor and writer. If I have a writer working for me who cannot spell and has bad grammar, that writer will no longer work for me.

Self-publishing is retarded, and I've never come across any piece of literature that has been successful in that route. The point of having a publisher is to give you publicity, fix your shit, and give you money.

Basically, it doesn't matter how creative or original you are or think you are, because if you can't put pen to paper to express your ideas clearly, you'll never get anywhere.
 
Shadow(of)Death said:
Well duh.

Spelling and grammar are both things that editors (whether it be friends and family, or professionals) can help to weed out, and suggest fixes.

However I believe one who aspires to the lofty realm of writer should be able to spell and write grammatically correct.

That aside, I could self publish the trash I have right now, but I probably won't break even.
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Editors will fine tune your writing, but if you can't master basic spelling and grammar they won't waste their time.
 
JDizzle4Rizzle said:
I am an editor and writer. If I have a writer working for me who cannot spell and has bad grammar, that writer will no longer work for me.
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A) I am not going to work for an editor, it will be the other way around.

B) By the time I take anything to any professional, most bugs should be worked out by me, family, and friends
 
This is what happens when parents tell their kids they can grow up to do anything they want.

Some people just aren't capable of attaining their dreams.
 
Shadow(of)Death said:
This has been changed a lot since the few suggestions I got last time, so I am again looking to refine it. So far the feedback I have received has really opened my eyes to how I write and will inspire a lot of re-writing of other work.

____________

____________

Cliffs - Learn how to read

- Don't cross the road without looking both ways
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Your vocabulary would be fine if you had the sentence structure and pacing to use it properly.

You don't.

Concentrate on forming complete ideas. Your structure is terrible. Your pacing skips around from one idea to the next, without really ever completing or exploring any of them. It's very muddled and, frankly, difficult to read.
 
Shadow(of)Death said:
A) I am not going to work for an editor, it will be the other way around.

B) By the time I take anything to any professional, most bugs should be worked out by me, family, and friends
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If you go to a publisher, you will have an editor look it over and give you suggestions. Thus, you will be working for an editor.

After reading that, my best advice would be for you to take at least two creative writing classes at a university, and definitely take a poetry writing class, which will allow you to fine-tune your prose. Your diction and structure are very poor right now, which makes it difficult for readers to gain interest.
 
This may be some sort of sophisticated level 30 troll thread.

I never wrote this bad.

Sweet. I went to pull out a piece of my writing from the 1990's for comparison and I found my Unreal multiplay alias list.

WolfGirl(BR) F1 Dracle
SecretSquirrel M1 Default Kurgan
The Great Wumpus M1 Yellow Kurgan
Picasso Trigger(H50)
Space*Invader M2 Default
Lindsner Dawn F1 Raquel
N3wtyp3 M3 Blue Bane
ShellGhost F1 Dracle
Legion(IVS-Knights) M3 Bane Default
Javadragon M3 Red Bane
Pussycat(GATO) F2 Green
Mr_Grinch M3 Default Bane
Disco_Duckling M3 Yellow Bane
RoboThug M2 Cyborg
Intellimouse(TM) M1 Default
Player 51 M3 Default
Lone _Star M3 Default
Thunderchicken(P76) M3 Yellow Bane
Bananalord(H50) M2 Yellow
His_Last_Mistake M1 Yellow
WedgeHead(H50) M2 Yellow
Sweathog(P76) M1 Yellow Kurgan
X-WingJacker M1 Kurgan
Chix*Magnet
Beta_Tester_Zero M1 Green
P76_Lovechild F1 Tamilka
DD_Betty F1
Villian M3 Red Bane
Hoe_Cake F2 Red
PBR_Streetgang M3 Blue
Stormtrooper(BR)
Death_of_Campers M3 Bloody Bane
Joe_Packetloss M1 Ash
A_Lost_Boyscout M3 Green Bane
DD Fulcrum
Great_Ahu(H50)
Tikki(H50) M2 Green
Jack_Lord(H50)
A_Whiley_Mongoose
Devil_Fish_Hunter
 
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Yeah, I got harassed and camped a lot. I harassed and camped a lot. Everyone got harassed and camped a lot. So it was total smurf.

Here. This is oviously from some story dealing with Evot and Tenet from the 1990's. I'm not sure which one. It's probably from 'That Time at Khadan' and involves something at the start of the story taking place in the Sky Palace.



"Evot?" Tenet asked, looking across at him as the ring of silver-tipped spears closed down on her.

He decided something else was happening here, something he did not as yet fully understand. "Go Love!" He commanded.

She nodded and stepped back toward the corner of one of the balcony windows and with a backward sneer to the guards, jumped through it. With a crash of glass, she was thrown backwards to the throne room's floor. Of course, the glass' frame was of filigree silver.

Wend let go a chortling, snickering laugh which some of the other re-emboldened courtiers joined in on. Tenet brushed off the glass as she rose, and as the spears closely hemmed her in, she shot the laughing bravo who had earlier insulted her a deadly look, one Evot had seen her use before to mark a meal.

She clapped her hands as Ember had instructed her- to mask he natural powers as the effects of a spell- and dissolved into a dark, shadowy cloud which funneled out through on shattered, unpaned hole in the window, and out over the wall. The guards rushed forward at her dissapating darkness, and only ended up bumping into each other and getting their spears jammed into the window frame.

"That was extremely unwise." Tunnuk counseled to everyone, and to no one in particular.

"We are not some sort of jester troupe come here to play for your leisure!" Evot snarled. "A simple truth saying from your wizard would have revieled her innocence in the matter, if he can indeed perform such a trifle!"

The wizard in burnt orange robes snarled back. "That is not my concern!" He snapped, then pointed toward the window. "That monster has run from Duke Wend's justice, a crime in of itself!"

"Such as it is." Evot replied, "But mind you who you design a 'monster,' lest the shadows in the corner of your bedroom grow teeth one night. It was unwise to place her at odds. I will console her and await a maigical divination, but she will not sit a gaol. She is a lady of the Empire's Court, and I take the privledge of noble bond to be free until charges are proven in fact against her. Was anyone killed in the attack?"

Wend moved around nervously in his seat as Evot spoke, almost jumping out of it as Evot mentioned the shadows growing teeth. He quickly sat back down and stammered out, "I am only aware of the attack, not the details."

"There. Then perhaps it is a matter of damages only." Evot held back up the bands, as the guardsmen milled about, his sudden movement causing a few of them to redirect their spears toward him.

"I have a letter of credit here that will pay for the damages." He said, and pinched to the side a silver-dipped blade of one of the too-near spear points.

"In addition I require the services of a number of Khadan's premier weavers, to create a great banner on which I will inscribe a dire amount of deadly runes as dictated by the Sorceress Ember. I will transport this spell-sail down into Dakor, and following...


That's the page. The Fritz Leiber tone really comes out of it when I read it now.
 
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1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy! comes on at 7 p.m.instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.travelling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m.at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
to the wall.


edit: may i suggest using simile #10 to describe the truck hitting the girl?
 
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