VeteranX
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Out of all the human beings on this earth, I have the most difficulty socializing with them, being honest with them, having fun with them, and sometimes tolerating them. All of this ****ing disgusts me.
I do not feel at home at home. Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personalities or a lack thereof. I can be loud and funny and happy with my friends but at home I am reserved and quiet and sometimes condescending. My family really doesn't know me that well.
My parents are divorced and have been for about 5 years. Both parents support me with a place to live, a car, insurance and phone. I pay all my other ****. When I blunder in one of my relationships with them, I am threatened to be cut off and my belongings "thrown in the street."
Recently I lied to my mother about my plans for a weekend. I planned on going to a music festival, she thought I was at a friend's lake house. At the very beginning of the trip I felt that she needed to know what was going on. It took me until a little past halfway through to call her and tell her. I had no intention of hurting her or my relationship with her. I did both. In ****ing spades. I simply felt that she would say no and have a negative attitude towards this so it was easier to avoid it. She called me a coward. I agreed.
I feel like absolute ****ing ****. Both of my little brothers (my only siblings) no longer respect me. Both of my parents have been skeptical of my entire character since about a year and a half ago. They disagreed virtually whole heartedly with my lifestyle when I was living away from home.
My first semester of college did not go well for me socially. I didn't make too many friends and I was very depressed with myself and my personality. A part of myself blamed my upbringing and how I was raised (I had a really unhappy childhood). I did not like thinking this yet I ****ing embraced it. Since then I think I have held in a lot of negative feelings and thoughts towards my parents. I do not want to agree with or even confirm the existence of these feelings but they are there. I just shoveled the blame for my ****ing depression, social anxiety, and confusion right onto them.
I don't even know where to start and stop all this **** I am writing. I just want to be myself at home. I want to be open and have conversations with my ****ing family. What the **** am I doing wrong? I feel like I am a much different person than my family members but that doesn't mean we can't get along.
god dammit I needed to write that ****, no cliffs just read it; it's not that long
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VeteranXX
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Murder suicide time.
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VeteranXX
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down the river, not across the creek
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VeteranXV
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Go see a shrink. This isn't your livejournal. ****ing ******.
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VeteranXX
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this thread gives me a headache
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VeteranX
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really though, don't kill yourself. it's all gonna be ok, just give it time and tell your family what you told us.
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VeteranXV Contributor
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I started getting along with my family the very same second I moved out.
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VeteranX
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This will not go well.
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Veteran5
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I didn't read your emo blog, but I'm still pretty sure Xcursion hs the right solution:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xcursion
Murder suicide time.
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Unregistered
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This will not end well.
Shoot, im happy to get away to college in 7 days. My relationship with my parents gets better.
Me and my dad aren't ready to kill each other every 5 min
That and we don't argue about me spending money, because he doesn't know
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VeteranXX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xcursion
Murder suicide time.
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Even if no one is home.
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VeteranX
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Yeah.. parents just don't understand.
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VeteranXX
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this isn't the best place for this.
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Veteran5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murrell
Both parents support me with a place to live, a car, insurance and phone. I pay all my other ****.
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What other ****? Lollipops and tootsie rolls?
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Unregistered
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radon006
Yeah.. parents just don't understand.
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inc will smith
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VeteranXV
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I have never not gotten along with my family.
This is honestly foreign to me....
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