Q: How do you drown a blonde.
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Q: What do Blondes and turtles have in common.
A: When they are on there backs they're screwed.
Q: Why do black people stink?
A: So blind people can hate them to.
Q: One thousand black men and one white man. What do you call the white man?
A: "Warden"
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic Team?
A: Because anybody that can jump, run or swim is already in the US.
Q: Why did God give women legs?
A: So they wouldn't leave snail trails.
Q: Why do black people lean to the middle of the car while driving?
A: They think the smell is comming from outside.
Q: What do you call the only white kid on the basketball team?
A: The coach's son.
Q: What'd the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for christmas?
A: Cancer
Q: What are 3 things you cant give a black guy?
A: A fat lip
A: A black eye
A: A job
One day a priest is taking a shower in a church. While hes showering he discovers that he has no soap. So rather than shut the shower off, get dressed, and run across the hall to get more soap he just jumps out and runs across the hall to the closet and gets his soap. When he runs back to the shower he notices 3 nuns in the hall and freezes. They all look at him, one exclaims "It's a statue!" They walk up to him and are puzzled on what it was supposed to do. The first nun pulls on his penis, and the priest drops a the soap in his left hand. The second exclaims "It's a soap dispenser!" She pulls on his penis and sure enough, the other soap drops out of his right hand. Then the third walks up to him, pulls his penis, and exclaims "Look! I got liquad soap!"
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks,
"Is the Lord male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well The Lord is unique - both male and female." This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is The Lord black or white?" "Well, The Lord is both black and white." This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is The Lord gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, The Lord is both gay and straight." At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks... "Is The Lord Michael Jackson?"
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Polish joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Polish. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's Polish. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's Polish. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
There was a boy praying at night and he says "God bless mommy, daddy, grampa, and good-bye uncle fred". And the next day uncle fred died tragically by getting hit by a mac
truck. So the next night at prayertime, the boy says "God bless mommy, daddy, and good-bye grampa". The next day, grampa was playing golf and was hit by lightning and then was drug out to the 18th hole and he died. The next night people were getting real worried. At prayertime, the boy says, "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy". Well, the next day the father was especially careful and when he got home, his wife was crying. He asked, "Honey, what's wrong?". She said, "The mailman is lying dead on the front porch!".
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball--stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
A blonde wanted to go ice-fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot-stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" Startled, the Blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Who are you --- God?" The voice replied, "NO, STUPID, I OWN THE GODDAMN ICE-RINK!"
A retarded man was waiting at a bus station, the bus finally arives, the doors open and he tells the bus driver *in a retarded voice* "take me too 16th street* and the bus's doors close and the bus takes off in a hurry, the retarded man was confused. Next day, the retarded man waited at the bus station, and the bus again pulls up, and the retarded man said "take me to 16th street" and again the bus drives off in a hurry, the retarded man being very confused by now. Now the retarded man was being suied by the bus driver, and was in court. And the judge asked the bus driver what is the problem, and he replies * in a retarded voice* "he twas makin fun of me"
This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks over to her window.
"Can I see your driver's license?" says the cop.
"What's that?" asks the blonde.
"It's something saying you're old enough to drive," says the cop.
"Oh, I have one of those."
"Do you have your proof of insurance?"
"What's that?"
"It's proof that you own this car and are insured."
"Oh, I have one of those."
At this point, the cop is thinking that the blonde is really dumb and probably would do anything. So he pulls down his zipper and whips out his dick.
The blond responds "Oh no! Not another Breathalyzer test!"
