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Brasstax
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1 - 12-19-2018, 23:10
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#1) Getting close to the Holidays -regale us with your favorite unexpected ****ting situation story. Could be you, someone else or something you heard. **** it - you could just make something up if you want.

#2) I just numbered the first paragraph so I could write #2
 
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Mitchdubai
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2 - 12-19-2018, 23:27
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Here's my unexpected ****post. Does that count?
 
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Brasstax
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3 - 12-19-2018, 23:29
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Ok +rep to Mitch for holidays
 
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Plasmatic
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4 - 12-19-2018, 23:40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchdubai View Post
Here's my unexpected ****post. Does that count?
Every mitch post is a ****post, no need to be redundant.
 
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Nmag
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5 - 12-19-2018, 23:44
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My friend was doing this girl anal. She was riding on top of him. He felt this fluid on his leg. He looked down and got up running to the shower dry reaching. He said it was like diarrhoea all over him.
 
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Esteban_Villa
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6 - 12-19-2018, 23:56
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current threat level - amber

ate spicy chicken and spinach for dinner
 
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coombz
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7 - 12-20-2018, 00:05
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just last week I had a close call w/ a shart while walking around town

luckily I was close a food court w/public toilet so nbd

end story
 
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coombz
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8 - 12-20-2018, 00:06
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Air Force Dumb
 
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Brasstax
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9 - 12-20-2018, 00:07
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And - since you are partly a brit, Mitch....

I had a friend named John from somewhere stupid like Putney.
We lived in Switzerland at the time.
The picture is the Vevey wine frestival.



Castles, posh folks - ooompah bands. Nice place. Then, there were a few of us yobos from up the hill who came down to drink among the civilized.

John wore glasses and looked like a cartoon. Kinda like Marty Feldman if his eyes were straight.

We got pretty ripped and John had been farting and laughing. All of a sudden, he stands up and goes "Oh ****! He runs off into lake Geneva laughing like an idiot and flipping Vs to everyone. He is yelling "YEEEAHHHH YEAAAHHHHHH" He ****s himself out in the lake, moves around a little. Stumbles around while he takes off his socks - wipes his ass with the socks - whirls them around in the air and throws them in the lake - all while the crowd is watching him. He stumbles back up onto shore. The staff promptly escorts him off the premises and asks him to leave. He stood over off to the side and was yelling at us to leave with him and we flipped him off and pretty much pretended like we didn't know him. The police threatened to arrest him if he didn't **** off and he got on a train and went home. We caught up with him later and told him what a dick he was.

There's one unexpected **** story.
 
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Brasstax
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10 - 12-20-2018, 00:11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coombz View Post
just last week I had a close call w/ a shart while walking around town

luckily I was close a food court w/public toilet so nbd

end story
How do you have a close call with a shart? It's a boolean deal.
 
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Esteban_Villa
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11 - 12-20-2018, 00:12
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i was marching up a 700m hill after a night of drinking and sucking serious ****ing wind cause im a fat guardsman now who was working in a cubicle and never ascended more than 40 feet at any one time.

anyways reach the top and i feel a squirt. understand that is undeniably ****. luckily i had put TP in my pouch on the side of my bag had my buddy grab me the entire roll and i basically just kept stuffing tp, squirting, removing tp and tossing on the side of the road, marching, repeat, until i felt i could contain the rest with my sphincter power.

then there was a random portapotty and i ran forward and pissed out my ass an what felt like one of the 1l bags of fluid i carry. pulled trousers up was only behind by 50m and fell into the rear of the formation with laughs from all.
 
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Brasstax
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12 - 12-20-2018, 00:17
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That's what I am talking about. That's a manly **** dude. +rep
 
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coombz
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13 - 12-20-2018, 00:19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brasstax View Post
How do you have a close call with a shart? It's a boolean deal.
nah i'm sure you know what i mean

like, you start to fart and you instantly realise it's not a good idea

then i hustled to the bathroom asap
 
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Brasstax
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14 - 12-20-2018, 00:23
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Ah - a pullback. been there done that. Must be a little sensor down there in the pipeline that triggers the muscles to go in reverse. Kind of a squeeze off deal. Like a guy kegel.
 
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coombz
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15 - 12-20-2018, 00:24
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exactly

picture me strolling briskly through the packed food court like nothing at all is amiss

but internally the reverse kegel is fully in place to stop everything going (literally) to ****
 
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EyeZ
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16 - 12-20-2018, 00:25
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I farted while getting head once, does that count.
 
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Brasstax
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17 - 12-20-2018, 00:26
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That's something different. Like a blart.
 
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coombz
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18 - 12-20-2018, 00:30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EyeZ View Post
I farted while getting head once, does that count.
do you mean audibly/noticeably?

i've had to let one go surreptitiously while getting blown lots of times, i think that's pretty common

the old one cheek sneak
 
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Plasmatic
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19 - 12-20-2018, 00:33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EyeZ View Post
I farted while getting head once, does that count.
Getting head on a toilet is a blumpkin
 
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Dragon Star
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20 - 12-20-2018, 00:53
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Couple months ago...

So, im going in to a 12 hour shift. We have to park like 3 blocks away in an employee garage, downtown. I'm all ready to start, park my car, exit out said car, walk maybe 10 ft from my car, feel slight need to fart, ok, nobodies around, release...
This begins a liquid **** storm that contains both liquid and air. I clench my ass and cheeks to no avail.
The initial assault has absorbed in to my thin scrubs, the rest could not give two ****s as it exits out my anus without my permissions.
Luckily at this point I have retreated between another pour souls car, and let out the remaining liquid **** and air.
At this point I just retreat and take my lumps for being late. I go home and shower and put on a fresh set of scrubs and return to work.
 
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