Darkstrand
Veteran X
Hello, TribalWar.
Your favorite (or not so favorite) LaserGuidedBunnyRabbit here. In this thread, I am going to tell you a great story that is 100% true.
It begins a few months ago, when I submitted a certain quote to TW... the quote was rejected. It was "TribalWar Abortion Clinic: No Fetus can Beatus!" I had no idea what would transpire from such a statement. When I moved out of my fraternity house after 2.5 semesters in June, I brought a girl I'd met in college to my grandparents place to hang out and show her where I was living now. When I'd met her, I was already living on campus. We ended up screwing for the first time, even though I'd known her for months. When it was all said and done, she'd decided that she enjoyed it and would be willing to do that again sometime.
On Sept 16, the day after my 19th birthday (she was already 19 by this time), I took her up on that offer. I took her to the home of Wiglaf, which is turning into a TW house featuring Wiglaf, Patton, and El Mariachi living there. Wiglaf was throwing a concert/party, and a few of the Cleveland TW Alcoholics were there... Myself, Patton, DrJonez, El Mariachi, and Wiglaf. During the concert, in which a crossdresser sang horribly and played guitar like a fucking pro, we decided we would investigate the upstairs of said home. A quick look upstairs, and we secured an empty bedroom, now inhabited by El Mariachi.
Yes. I fucked a girl (gasp) in El Mar's bedroom.
But that wouldn't be the end of it. Upon leaving the party, I asked El Mar if he knew where I could gain a morning after pill at midnight on a Saturday, just in case. He suggested a 24 hour CVS Drug Store (after roaring laughter). After saying our goodbyes, I took her to the drug store and left her in the car as I went inside to ask the pharmacist about it. He informed me that where we are, it is still prescription only and he cannot sell it over the counter. I asked him about other forms of post-intercourse birth control, but he informed me there was really nothing I could do other than hope my boys weren't swimming. So I took her home and that was that. Well, yesterday she sprung the news. She's three weeks late and the test she took was positive.
Yes. I conceived a child in El Mar's bedroom. I am not making this up.
She immediately informed me that she could not have the child, as she is still in college and I'm leaving for the Air Force in a month and a half. She doesn't want her parents to find out, so after speaking to my mother, we've decided that abortion is the best option at this point. She's also worried because since the deed was done, she's been drinking and smoking, so even if she wanted it, it would probably be supremely fucked up - half of it being that it's mine, the other half being her drinking and smoking.
She has a doctors appointment tomorrow, and I'm taking her since she doesn't have a license at the moment. If the doctor confirms what the test told us, we are going to planned parenthood and having them set us up with what we need to go through with a medicinal abortion - sort of like a forced miscarriage (lol fngr-joke-here). We imagine it will cost us approx. 400-600 dollars, which shouldn't be much of an issue. The only thing sitting with me right now is the fact that if we didn't go through with the abortion, in 20 years you'd have a fucked up, disturbing little alcoholic LGBR Jr. chillin' with you guys. Either that, or a slutty, drunken, coked out whore with an anger problem. I figure either way, the world wins by us going through with the abortion.
I know many of you will not believe this or buy it. A lot of you will probably just flame, but it's TW so 1) I don't care and 2) I expect it. But I mostly am hoping for some good laughs. I've been so stressed out about this for the past day now, I couldn't sleep at all last night. This isn't your typical "OMFG MY GIRLFRIEND IS A WEEK LATE WTF!!!" Thread, where the poster is sweating bullets... this is "She IS pregnant." The gun has gone off, leaving my penis like a smoking barrel into possibly the worst thing that could happen to mankind - a Lagber Child.
Of course, here is your obligatory picture of said female.
Well, there you are, TW. From one Abortion Joke, to a million more about to pour in.
Enjoy!
Cliffs:
- LGBR makes abortion joke on TW
- LGBR fucks girl in El Mars bedroom
- Girl is pregnant
- Abort. Abort. Abort.
AIDS/HIV ggs
