Shadow(of)Death
Veteran X
This has been changed a lot since the few suggestions I got last time, so I am again looking to refine it. So far the feedback I have received has really opened my eyes to how I write and will inspire a lot of re-writing of other work.
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It was a beautiful spring day in Northern Vermont. For you whom haven’t had privilege to see this lush plantation of the earth, you are missing out on a choice land where Naturist and Mennonites alike settle to live a slower and less hectic lifestyle. For eyes foreign to this region, it may seem for a brief moment that one has been pulled back into the1800’s. Little has changed as the rest of society has launched into the future. From gravel roads connecting communities, to rolling green fields as far as the eye can see. Stone fences are a familiar sight; along with the cows they help to contain. A few yards away Farmer John and his wife Suzie Q rock away in their chairs, admiring the serenity of their protracted surroundings. Soon unfamiliar eyes are reminded of the true date as the occasional car passes by or a power line obstructs the view.
With this slower way of life, comes a sight that is quickly diminishing in the greater part of society: THE FAMILY out in the yard playing TOGETHER. This particular family is in the front yard of their Victorian style home, gated in by a picturesque white picket fence. Caitlin, a young woman, is kicking the ball back and forth with her parents. Standing tall and slender, her reverent and quiet ways keep Caitlin from sticking out amongst her peers. Caitlin’s light brown hair sways and shines under the sun, but she is most noticed for her jade blue eyes, that stare back at one like a pool of swirling water reflecting ones every expression.
Her father is multi-tasking between the ball kicking and attending the grill. As a family they kick the ball back and forth, taking time to enjoy this day of days in the spring where birds are out making the music of the season and butterflies dance about in a light breeze. Just as one slows down and becomes comfortable with this way of life, one is reminded this is the twenty-first century, and in this time of earth’s history, it takes not long before a modern convenience interrupts.
In this case, while Caitlin is kicking the ball to her mother, the phone interrupts. Caitlin’s mother return kicks the ball, and goes running for the phone. Father simultaneously turns his attention away from the ball and to the grill that is now spewing out flames unexpectedly. He works speedily to resituate the steak. In the haste of Mothers return kick, the ball went soaring a tad further than intended, sending the bright red ball over the white picket fence, and Caitlin running to retrieve it. Caitlin focused on the lustrous red ball, jumps the picket fence; the same picket fence that separates her property and the gravel road.
Admittedly, up to this point, the narrator has failed to mention one of the more frequent modern sights found in Northern Vermont: The Logging Truck, eighteen wheels, three hundred and fifty plus horse power, and a payload of around one hundred logs. With such a beast of a machine, it takes an experienced driver to safely operate one. With experience often comes confidence. Often time, over confidence. Joe, behind the wheel of this behemoth is attempting to eat lunch on the road to make better time. Shuffling through the brown bag on the passenger’s seat, keeping his eyes locked on the road, Joe obtains the apple he was searching for. Before he has the opportunity to lock his mouth around the Golden Delicious, the apple slips from his grasp, and falls to the floor. With the apple rolling around on the floor, Joe turns his attention downward; distracting him from the young woman less than a safe distance in front of his sixteen-wheeler.
As for Caitlin, she should have remembered the golden rule, listen up younger readers, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE ROAD! Unfortunately, the time it actually counts, Caitlin fails to do the above. Now for the scenario that took only a few beats of a heart and ticks of a watch to setup, we see come to a shocking conclusion, destroying all hope of restoring tranquility to this family’s day.
Mother returns outside; it was a wrong number. Father closes the grill having the flame once again governed and places the tongs aside. Both parents now turn their attention back towards their daughter. Joe successfully obtains his now bruised apple and regains full awareness of his vehicle surroundings. Caitlin having the bright red ball in hand quickly becomes aware of the sixteen ton vehicle in her shadow. “Caitlin!” Father screams, with time to do nothing more. Joe now aware of the awful sight before his eyes locks up all sixteen wheels, cranking the steering wheel away from the small frame that stares up at him like a deer in the headlights. As the sixteen ton mass comes to a sliding stop, gravel and dirt shoot up from everywhere, confusing the awful sight, and cloaking the inevitable.
______________________
Cliffs - Learn how to read
- Don't cross the road without looking both ways
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It was a beautiful spring day in Northern Vermont. For you whom haven’t had privilege to see this lush plantation of the earth, you are missing out on a choice land where Naturist and Mennonites alike settle to live a slower and less hectic lifestyle. For eyes foreign to this region, it may seem for a brief moment that one has been pulled back into the1800’s. Little has changed as the rest of society has launched into the future. From gravel roads connecting communities, to rolling green fields as far as the eye can see. Stone fences are a familiar sight; along with the cows they help to contain. A few yards away Farmer John and his wife Suzie Q rock away in their chairs, admiring the serenity of their protracted surroundings. Soon unfamiliar eyes are reminded of the true date as the occasional car passes by or a power line obstructs the view.
With this slower way of life, comes a sight that is quickly diminishing in the greater part of society: THE FAMILY out in the yard playing TOGETHER. This particular family is in the front yard of their Victorian style home, gated in by a picturesque white picket fence. Caitlin, a young woman, is kicking the ball back and forth with her parents. Standing tall and slender, her reverent and quiet ways keep Caitlin from sticking out amongst her peers. Caitlin’s light brown hair sways and shines under the sun, but she is most noticed for her jade blue eyes, that stare back at one like a pool of swirling water reflecting ones every expression.
Her father is multi-tasking between the ball kicking and attending the grill. As a family they kick the ball back and forth, taking time to enjoy this day of days in the spring where birds are out making the music of the season and butterflies dance about in a light breeze. Just as one slows down and becomes comfortable with this way of life, one is reminded this is the twenty-first century, and in this time of earth’s history, it takes not long before a modern convenience interrupts.
In this case, while Caitlin is kicking the ball to her mother, the phone interrupts. Caitlin’s mother return kicks the ball, and goes running for the phone. Father simultaneously turns his attention away from the ball and to the grill that is now spewing out flames unexpectedly. He works speedily to resituate the steak. In the haste of Mothers return kick, the ball went soaring a tad further than intended, sending the bright red ball over the white picket fence, and Caitlin running to retrieve it. Caitlin focused on the lustrous red ball, jumps the picket fence; the same picket fence that separates her property and the gravel road.
Admittedly, up to this point, the narrator has failed to mention one of the more frequent modern sights found in Northern Vermont: The Logging Truck, eighteen wheels, three hundred and fifty plus horse power, and a payload of around one hundred logs. With such a beast of a machine, it takes an experienced driver to safely operate one. With experience often comes confidence. Often time, over confidence. Joe, behind the wheel of this behemoth is attempting to eat lunch on the road to make better time. Shuffling through the brown bag on the passenger’s seat, keeping his eyes locked on the road, Joe obtains the apple he was searching for. Before he has the opportunity to lock his mouth around the Golden Delicious, the apple slips from his grasp, and falls to the floor. With the apple rolling around on the floor, Joe turns his attention downward; distracting him from the young woman less than a safe distance in front of his sixteen-wheeler.
As for Caitlin, she should have remembered the golden rule, listen up younger readers, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE ROAD! Unfortunately, the time it actually counts, Caitlin fails to do the above. Now for the scenario that took only a few beats of a heart and ticks of a watch to setup, we see come to a shocking conclusion, destroying all hope of restoring tranquility to this family’s day.
Mother returns outside; it was a wrong number. Father closes the grill having the flame once again governed and places the tongs aside. Both parents now turn their attention back towards their daughter. Joe successfully obtains his now bruised apple and regains full awareness of his vehicle surroundings. Caitlin having the bright red ball in hand quickly becomes aware of the sixteen ton vehicle in her shadow. “Caitlin!” Father screams, with time to do nothing more. Joe now aware of the awful sight before his eyes locks up all sixteen wheels, cranking the steering wheel away from the small frame that stares up at him like a deer in the headlights. As the sixteen ton mass comes to a sliding stop, gravel and dirt shoot up from everywhere, confusing the awful sight, and cloaking the inevitable.
______________________
Cliffs - Learn how to read
- Don't cross the road without looking both ways
