this movie doesnt need to exist
nothing happened
the movie started with rebels on the run
everyone's plan to change that plot fails
movie ends, rebels on the run
snoke dies...ok, but it ends up being a nothingburger.
what is the 9th movie? there's nowhere to go
they should just make a 2 parter KOTOR movie...first movie you meet revan no memory, meet bastila, learn ur force sensitive, meet jedi and they cockblock you, search for star shard things, epic climax when you foolishly faceoff with malak, he tells you you're revan, kidnaps bastila movie ends.
part 2, youre pissed, you flipflop going evil, you find the relics, you faceoff with bastila where you kill her or save her...whatever, in the end you do the right thing and stop malak all while learning there's a lot of merit on both sides of the force.
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WAREHOUSE. IT MAY BE, BEING THAT I BOAST THE BIGGEST BACULUM IN THIS BLUE EARTH, THAT I WOULD MACARONICLY MAKE THE MISTAKE OF REMOVING MAGIC FROM MY MIND. MORBIDLY MADE-UP TO EXPOUND THE CONTRARY THIS MISTAKE, I AM A MAGNIFICENT MAGE OF THE RIGHT-HAND PATH, IF YOU PICK UP ON MY PACHYGLOSSAL PAEAN. AS I SERVED THE SORCERERS' SIGHT WITH MY SACCULAR, SEMINIVEROUS SERPIGO OF SCORTATION, I COULDN'T HELP BUT PEER TO THE PRETTY APPRENTICE THAT PRESENTED PREMATURELY HER BULGING AND BEAUTIFUL BUMGUMBLIES, ALMOST ESCAPING THE IMPRISONMENT OF HER UNNECESSARY ARTICLE OF TORSO CLOTHING. MY PALACEOUS, PENIL PUMP PLOPPED FORTH IN A GLORIOUS BLAZE OF BACULIFORM BADNESS. IN AN ANGELIC ASCENSION OF UTTER AWESOME, IT ENTERED HER ABSONANT ASS IN AN ABJECT AND ABLOW ACTION, HER ABRAIDED EYES GLEAMING WITH THE TEARS OF THE GLORIOUS GLOP THAT IS ZIMMER SLOP. ENDING WITH AN ABTERMINAL ACCELERATION OF ANTICIPATED ANIMOSITY, SHE AND I LET FORTH A RIGOROUS ROAR IN UNISON, HERS A BANSHEE'S BELLOW, AND MINE THE LION'S LOUD LAMPOON. MY CHANCE AS A CHANTER OF WITCHCRAFT WAS CHARRED, BUT MY MIDSECTION'S MIGHTY MISSILE WAS MUCH OBLIGED BY THE MACROBIAN MOMENT OF MANIC MONOGONY. I GUARANTEE IT.
this movie doesnt need to exist
nothing happened
the movie started with rebels on the run
everyone's plan to change that plot fails
movie ends, rebels on the run
snoke dies...ok, but it ends up being a nothingburger.
what is the 9th movie? there's nowhere to go
they should just make a 2 parter KOTOR movie...first movie you meet revan no memory, meet bastila, learn ur force sensitive, meet jedi and they cockblock you, search for star shard things, epic climax when you foolishly faceoff with malak, he tells you you're revan, kidnaps bastila movie ends.
part 2, youre pissed, you flipflop going evil, you find the relics, you faceoff with bastila where you kill her or save her...whatever, in the end you do the right thing and stop malak all while learning there's a lot of merit on both sides of the force.
boom, better than any star wars movie
I liked redlettermedia describing Star Wars as creatively bankrupt. You need two sides, you need ships and lasers and lightsabers, how do you keep getting to that without it being repetitive and boring? If they had started with a story along the lines of "This isn't Vader falling to the darkside, this is a man choosing that path to begin with," it would've been the same concept but still unique. Instead of a massive empire, that individual is the rebellion, gathering forces through brute strength and fear instead of the political machinations of Palpatine. Think Heath Ledger's Joker meets Star Wars. Ending a third act with the new republic in ruins but Rey being trained by Luke and becoming the head of a new Jedi Order would've been a perfectly acceptable arc, facing a now empowered enemy for a future inevitable trilogy.
this movie doesnt need to exist
nothing happened
the movie started with rebels on the run
everyone's plan to change that plot fails
movie ends, rebels on the run
You realize you just described "The Empire Strikes Back", right?
You realize you just described "The Empire Strikes Back", right?
Except he didn't. In Empire we learn that the destruction of the Death Star was basically insignificant, that the Rebels are still very much the underdogs. An overconfident Luke comes face to face with his hubris, discovering that he isn't ready to confront what must be done, to potentially sacrifice his friends. He learns the truth about his father, and thus the betrayal of his one and only mentor. He is prepared to sacrifice himself. Han and Leia fall in love only to be torn apart, and we first see signs of Vader's humanity. Every principle character does not finish the film exactly the same as they started.
You realize you just described "The Empire Strikes Back", right?
so last jedi was esb for you?
sure if you want to ignore the hoth battle, the bespin betrayal, vader hunting luke, vader being his fath, leaving everyone down with a lot to reconcile in the last movie.
The younger generation doesn't give a **** about Star Wars. It is really only us 40+ something nerds who grew up with them. Talk to a 20-something about it and many of them haven't even seen all the movies (and probably started with the prequels).
There's been roughly the same amount of time between the prequels and the originals as there was between the prequels and this trilogy. A 12 year old today probably started with TFA. There's nothing really wrong with that beyond that they're being told a pretty ****ty story, it's not inspiring in the least beyond "Hey you're included and special!" Is there even a journey? There are probably just as many kids pretending to be force using stable boy than there are pretending to be Poe "Survives any and all Explosions" Dameron.
