Detrimental
Veteran XX
Nothing against any religions I heard this one from a friend...
How do you give a Jew a paradox?
Offer them a free ham.
How do you give a Jew a paradox?
Offer them a free ham.
OT: Very Sick Jokes(WARNING)
- Thread starter Sircle
- Start date
MaDAssassin
Veteran XX
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FngrBANG said:
Seen on some pins at a convention:
My Reality Check Bounced
(picture of a smashed computer) The Network Is Down But I Feel A Lot Better!
Elf: The Other Other White Meat
Very Funny, Scotty. The Admiral Sends Her Regards. Now, BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!
What's the difference between a vampire and a werewolf?
I'm not a werewolf.
Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
What is black, white, red, and has trouble going
throughrevolving doors?
A nun with a spear in her head.
What's blue and fucks grannies?
Hypothermia.
What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?
An erection.
why didn't the cat eat it's supper?
because i nailed its head to the floor
Whats the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
It's the day after Christmas and two kids are comparingnotes
about what they'd gotten. The first kid says "What'dyou
get?" The second kid replies, "Man, I made out! I gotPower
Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkieset, a
stereo, and a whole lot more! What'd you get?" "Ah, Ijust
got a baseball glove and bat," says the first kid."Wow,
that's pretty rough," says the second kid. The firstkid
says, "Yeah, well I'm not dying of cancer."
Crib death.
What is black, white, red, and has trouble going
throughrevolving doors?
A nun with a spear in her head.
What's blue and fucks grannies?
Hypothermia.
What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?
An erection.
why didn't the cat eat it's supper?
because i nailed its head to the floor
Whats the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
It's the day after Christmas and two kids are comparingnotes
about what they'd gotten. The first kid says "What'dyou
get?" The second kid replies, "Man, I made out! I gotPower
Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkieset, a
stereo, and a whole lot more! What'd you get?" "Ah, Ijust
got a baseball glove and bat," says the first kid."Wow,
that's pretty rough," says the second kid. The firstkid
says, "Yeah, well I'm not dying of cancer."
Pedophile Pete is walking down the street and he runs into one of his
buddies. His buddy says: "Hey Pete, was that your new girlfriend I saw
you with the other day?" Peter, looking somewhat embarrassed and shamed
says "yeah".
His buddy says "How old is she?"
Looking even more shame faced Pete replies "Nine".
His buddy says "Isn't that a little old for you?".
Pete says "Yeah, but she's got the body of a six year old."
Q: What do you give the pedophile who has everything?
Another parish
Q: What did the little girl say to the lesbian pedophile?
Can I go to sleep now mummy?
Q: What's better than fucking a ten year old boy?
Rolling him over & finding out he's his seven year old sister.
Q: What did one pedophile say to the other?
Have you got two five's for a ten?
Q: Why do pedophiles like Halloween?
Free home delivery.
Q: What's the difference between a pedophile and a pediatrician?
The pedophile really loves children.
====================
Q. Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A. Cos you've gotta see the expression on it's face
buddies. His buddy says: "Hey Pete, was that your new girlfriend I saw
you with the other day?" Peter, looking somewhat embarrassed and shamed
says "yeah".
His buddy says "How old is she?"
Looking even more shame faced Pete replies "Nine".
His buddy says "Isn't that a little old for you?".
Pete says "Yeah, but she's got the body of a six year old."
Q: What do you give the pedophile who has everything?
Another parish
Q: What did the little girl say to the lesbian pedophile?
Can I go to sleep now mummy?
Q: What's better than fucking a ten year old boy?
Rolling him over & finding out he's his seven year old sister.
Q: What did one pedophile say to the other?
Have you got two five's for a ten?
Q: Why do pedophiles like Halloween?
Free home delivery.
Q: What's the difference between a pedophile and a pediatrician?
The pedophile really loves children.
====================
Q. Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A. Cos you've gotta see the expression on it's face
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At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from
England stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about
being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference
I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for
him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day
I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years'
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no
longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw
nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only
his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years'
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer
do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After
the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and mad cow disease?
Two tits!
Q: Why did god invent football?
So that married men could have some physical contact in their lives.
Q: Why do woman always appear to be changing their minds?
It allows them to continually delude themselves that they have one!
Q: Why hasn't a woman walked on the moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning!
Q: What does a toilet and a woman have in common?
Without the hole in the middle they aren't worth shit.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
England stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about
being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference
I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for
him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day
I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years'
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no
longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw
nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only
his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years'
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer
do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After
the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and mad cow disease?
Two tits!
Q: Why did god invent football?
So that married men could have some physical contact in their lives.
Q: Why do woman always appear to be changing their minds?
It allows them to continually delude themselves that they have one!
Q: Why hasn't a woman walked on the moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning!
Q: What does a toilet and a woman have in common?
Without the hole in the middle they aren't worth shit.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
How do you starve a black man?
Hide his foodstamps in his workboots.
A guy goes to the grocery store. Grabs some things and heads to the checkout line. He notices the girl in front of him and takes a peek in her basket. She's got a magazine, a toothbrush, some icecream, and a tv dinner. He looks at her and says, "you must be single."
Dumbfounded, the girl looks at the man and in her basket at her items and replies,"why yes i am. How did you know?" The man replies...
BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING UGLY!!!
Hide his foodstamps in his workboots.
A guy goes to the grocery store. Grabs some things and heads to the checkout line. He notices the girl in front of him and takes a peek in her basket. She's got a magazine, a toothbrush, some icecream, and a tv dinner. He looks at her and says, "you must be single."
Dumbfounded, the girl looks at the man and in her basket at her items and replies,"why yes i am. How did you know?" The man replies...
BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING UGLY!!!
why dont women ever need to wear watches?
cuz there's a clock in the kitchen
a guy walks into a whore house broke as fuck but desperate as hell one night. he asks the lady at the front what he can get for $5. she takes his money and tells him to go in the third door on his right.
well he walks in and the door locks behind him. the lights come on, and he notices that the only thing in the room besides himself is a rather large ostrich. "NO FUCKING WAY" he shouts as he unsuccessfully tries to open the door to get back outside.
well the hours pass and over time, the ostrich starts to look better and better. he finally figures 'what the hell' and has his way with the ostrich. the door unlocks and he goes home.
well, about a week later, he's feelin horny again and stops by the same house again. this time, he had $10 to blow, hoping this would bump him up to a human partner. the lady takes his money and tells him to go into the 2nd door on the right.
he walks in, and the room is very dark with beams of light coming in from tiny holes in the wall. there's some people circling around some of the holes in the wall laughing, so he goes up to one of them to see what's up. he looks in the closest hole next to him and sees this really fat couple going at it. he chuckles a little and turns to find another hole when he is approached by a man who says, "heh you think that's funny? you shoulda seen the guy with the ostrich last week!"
cuz there's a clock in the kitchen
a guy walks into a whore house broke as fuck but desperate as hell one night. he asks the lady at the front what he can get for $5. she takes his money and tells him to go in the third door on his right.
well he walks in and the door locks behind him. the lights come on, and he notices that the only thing in the room besides himself is a rather large ostrich. "NO FUCKING WAY" he shouts as he unsuccessfully tries to open the door to get back outside.
well the hours pass and over time, the ostrich starts to look better and better. he finally figures 'what the hell' and has his way with the ostrich. the door unlocks and he goes home.
well, about a week later, he's feelin horny again and stops by the same house again. this time, he had $10 to blow, hoping this would bump him up to a human partner. the lady takes his money and tells him to go into the 2nd door on the right.
he walks in, and the room is very dark with beams of light coming in from tiny holes in the wall. there's some people circling around some of the holes in the wall laughing, so he goes up to one of them to see what's up. he looks in the closest hole next to him and sees this really fat couple going at it. he chuckles a little and turns to find another hole when he is approached by a man who says, "heh you think that's funny? you shoulda seen the guy with the ostrich last week!"
