Confessions.

okokok

i do have have one

i don't know exactly how old i was, probably like 7

my mom took me to her best friends house and i was in the backyard jumping on the trampoline while they were chatting

anyhow, i had to shit. but for some reason, instead of going to her bathroom, i decided to drop my drawers and take a dump on the steps of her back porch, right by her door

i don't remember what i wiped my butt with, probably a leaf...maybe nothing

anyhow, i'm back jumping on the trampoline and my mom comes out to get me and is like "janice i didn't know you had a dog"

and janice is like "i don't"

:lol:
 
Swamp Kitten said:
I used the same strategy that my friend discovered when trimming the cat's nails (if it's an indoor cat--which it has to be around here, outdoor cats only last a couple weeks at most with all the coyotes etc.)

You wrap the cat in a towel so its head and one paw are sticking out and then have another person hold the cat's paw and depress the "toes" so the retractable claws come out--commence trimming
Click to expand...

Just attempting to wrap my cat with a towel would result in bloodshed. When he was younger and I'd take him for checkups, the vets would have to call 1 or 2 assistants in to actually look him over... he's a ballsy fucker thats why I like him.
 
Fancy Cat said:
okokok

i do have have one

i don't know exactly how old i was, probably like 7

my mom took me to her best friends house and i was in the backyard jumping on the trampoline while they were chatting

anyhow, i had to shit. but for some reason, instead of going to her bathroom, i decided to drop my drawers and take a dump on the steps of her back porch, right by her door

i don't remember what i wiped my butt with, probably a leaf...maybe nothing

anyhow, i'm back jumping on the trampoline and my mom comes out to get me and is like "janice i didn't know you had a dog"

and janice is like "i don't"

:lol:
Click to expand...

awesome, thats a confession worth posting

Now go tell your mother...
 
amRam said:
Just attempting to wrap my cat with a towel would result in bloodshed. When he was younger and I'd take him for checkups, the vets would have to call 1 or 2 assistants in to actually look him over... he's a ballsy fucker thats why I like him.
Click to expand...

Yeah my kitty is kind of a bitch when I try to trim her claws, so I have to ninja her with the towel... usually at least 2 or 3 times before I actually get her wrapped up
 
* when i was 2 i managed to take all the screws out of my brothers crib, it crashed traping him and causing my mother to freak out.

* when we were 3 and 4 we got into some paint (prolly lead). When my mother got home she found my dad passed out with him and his beer bottle painted and incriminating painted footprints headed up the stairs. again she freaked out.

* when i was about 5 my dad left the pickup running, my brother got in the back I ni the drivers seat and somehow i got it into reverse and slammed it into the neighbors house. My brother faceplanted into the house because of it. Not sure he ever forgave me.

* i also fucked a fat crippled chick in college.
 
When i was 3, i would go outside with only bright red boots on.


Also, when i was 7 me and my best friend vandalized a drained pool by smashing all the lights.
 
amRam said:
Uh, wtf kinda soap are you using? Never had this problem before.
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That crazy anti-bactieral kind that kills 99.9% of any and all living things, including organic matieral.


Was washing my face with some of that once....
 
usher.jpg
 
|baby|roach| said:
When I was 8, I put that Hot&Icy stuff on my penis.... :ugh: :ugh:
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Before I blew out my elbow pitching I would put that on my shoulder sometimes. One time, after shifting my cup, some got on my junk ... sweet jesus fuck I feel your pain :(
 
In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...

...the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theatre, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony, and then, then I made a noise like this. Huagh. Huagh. Huagh. Huaaah! And, and then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then, th-then then this was horrible, all the people started getting sick, and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
 
When I was 20, I met some drunk chick in a town about 17 miles away. She was pretty much all over me, so I brought her back to this town, and we drove down this long mostly deserted back road that dead ended in the woods.
I gave her the "I think I'm in love with you" thing, so she was pretty quick to disrobe right there in the car. So i fucked her for about a half hour in the car, then told her it would be "romantic" to do it outside, up against the back of the car.
So, we get out, and she puts her hands on the trunk, and I commence to fuck her in the small hole, for about another 15 minutes. Then I told her I that I'd love to blow my load on her breasts, so she turned around and got on her knees, so of course I busted all over her face.
I acted all apologetic, and told her I'd get her something to wipe off with, and went to the car. But instead of doing so, I hopped in and took off, with her running naked after the car. I yelled out, "That's what you get for being a whore!" and tossed out an article of her clothing about every hundred feet. The pants and shirt got tossed out at the intersection to the main (and very busy) road.
Ah, good times!
 
I was on tour in the United States back in 89, and we did a show in Cincinatti. During that show, I shouted out, "It's great to be in Cincinatti!"

...

That was a lie.
 
Justnuts that is so wrong!

When I was 4 years old I was playing with my puppy and it got really hot, so I stuck him in the freezer. I just went into watch cartoons. My mom came home and found him in the freezer some hours later. Man I was sad.
 
Zero-Optix said:
Justnuts that is so wrong!

When I was 4 years old I was playing with my puppy and it got really hot, so I stuck him in the freezer. I just went into watch cartoons. My mom came home and found him in the freezer some hours later. Man I was sad.
Click to expand...
Yes and we put kittens in the microwave because we think they're too cold :rolleyes:
 
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