King of the World: your pinnacle moment

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Just about everyone has it – the memory of that one moment in time that surpassed all others in terms of sheer AWESOMENESS.

Maybe it was being hailed a hero for pulling an old man from a burning car ... picking up the insanely hot girl at the bar NOBODY thought you could get ... or even just delivering the most perfectly timed insult to some jerk who really had it coming.

What was your crowning moment?
 
I'm pretty bad at hockey, but one time I scored a hattrick in an important game with my gf, son and in laws watching, and another time I somehow scored a sick coast to coast goal that I would never be able to recreate in a million years

other than some sex stuff those were probably my biggest highs in recent memory
 
So, I've had some great professional and personal successes; too many to list.

Yet, in spite of all that, the one moment that always leaps to the forefront of my mind is from high school, hanging out with a bunch of friends after watching that Madonna documentary where she simulates oral sex on a bottle.

Since I happened to be drinking an IBC, I started fellating the bottle (because, you know, who wouldn't expect me to?).

As I'm pulling the bottle out of my mouth, my friend Dave leans in and asks me, "So, sexy, do you spit or swallow?"

With a straight face and without missing a beat, I sprayed a huge mouthful of sticky root beer in Dave's face, and replied: "Guess."
 
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A couple of years ago I was invited to a Christmas party by my ex wife out in Los Angeles. She had taken a pretty good job with a Japanese conglomerate out there, huge tech firm that was well diversified over several large economic sectors. Anyway, I thought it would be a good excuse to go see my kids, get away from the east coast for a while and maybe try to patch things up. It became pretty obvious right from the start that it wasn't really going to be a good trip. We got into a fight almost immediately over some stupid shit, it was readily apparent that one of her coworkers was trying to fuck her, etc. After our argument she went back to the party and I started using one of the executive's private bathroom to clean up a bit from my flight, and make fists with my toes to get over the jetlag (some advice a friendly passenger gave me when we landed, I highly recommend it). Anyway, long story short, some international terrorists took over the building while I was in the bathroom. I escaped up the stairs while they locked down the elevators and gathered up the entire party to use as hostages, in a clever scheme to steal international bearer bonds worth hundreds of millions of dollars on the open market. Completely untraceable. After several hours of cat and mouse games, I was able to pick most of the terrorists off one by one until I faced down their leader Hans, who had discovered my wife's identity and was trying to use her as a human shield and hostage against me. I made a few quips, and Hans and I laughed as we both decided to just shoot her and throw her out the window and then split the money. Best Christmas ever.
 
I had to take a shit. But it was in public. With people all around. But I had to take a shit and didn't know what to do with all the people that were watching. So - I took a shit with all the people around. And they were watching while I took this shit. And it was HUGE. I mean really fucking HUGE. Like so big that my ass was stretching open really wide. So wide that the people were watching and their mouths stretched open too. Because I don't think they had ever seen a shit so big. And out in the open. In public. So - this giant public shit was stretching my ass open in front of all these people with their mouths wide open and guess what happened? You guessed it - this giant shit was just a hard nosed cap to an underlying liquid shit volcano. My ass shot out all this gooey lava shit like a fucking firehose of gooey brown stinky shit with a hard shit cap on it. I turned around to see if all the people out in public were still watching because I was embarrassed to be making such a public hard capped shit lava mess. When I turned around the shit hose started spraying around at all the people with their mouths wide open and the stinky pooey shit spray with hard chunks went flying all around in a circle and I watched as it went in all the people's wide open mouths and I started to need to pee but I didn't want to pee in public and then I realized I was already spraying kaka all over and that made me laugh really hard and the poo flew faster and I started peeing. My pants ripped off and pee and poop went all in the public's face and their pants fell off and it went all in their butts and stuff and then they started falling over and the police came and I tried to run but I slipped in the shit too and then everyone started to laugh and the police laughed and we all just laughed and laughed at how crazy it was to be covered in goopy poop and pee and have our pants off so we started getting frisky and then we all made out with our shit covered tongues with pee dripping all over.

I think that was it.
 
non-sex-related:
when i was 16 i climbed to the top of a dirt hill in the middle of the night and could see for miles and got this weird high that has always stuck with me (yeah not good story)

sex-related:
dated this chick into bondage and submission. had her put on a french maid outfit, heels/stockings/etc, taped her wrists together and her mouth shut, then had her clean my apartment while i played mega man x. i wish i could say i don't remember why i didn't marry this girl, but she was fukin looney tunes.
 
I used to belong to a bar pool team, and we played against other bars all over ft. Lauderdale and Broward county. For three years straight my team won the season-ending playoffs.

I was unbeatable for a while. I had more than a dozen perfect games where I won without giving my opponent a shot.

We also played darts and one time I shot a bullseye, then threw the next dart right into the first one. I didn't pay for my own drinks for a month.
 
You know that famous panda Basi that just died 6 days ago? That was one of the panda that visited the San Diego Zoo back in 1987. Part of the deal for the visit was 24 hour armed guard. I was one of the guards.

One day in the news pretty soon after they got there a news story came out that one of the trainers was injured by Basi while giving her a bath. The story said Basi playfully swatted at the trainer.

Wrong. I was on that night and in fact that was the night I was allowed to pet the bears. After that the trainer was working with them doing their stupid tricks. Basi was not in the mood to twirl hoops on her arm and pretty much made it known she had enough.

The trainer started wailing on Basi and Basi got pissed and swatted or what looked like to me, punched that bitch in the leg. Peeled her skin right back. I was the only one there behind the enclosure but there were a few people, chinese officials, zoo officials, like that out front in the viewing area watching.

Basi nailed the bitch and stood over here for a minute and then walked away. The lady looked at me and said help with her eyes since no speaky engrish. I went inside the enclosure and carried her out.

Big herreo with chirese. They rikey me very much.

Then they made me sign all kinds of shit saying I would never do what I am doing right now. Tell someone
 
SuperTrap said:
You know that famous panda Basi that just died 6 days ago? That was one of the panda that visited the San Diego Zoo back in 1987. Part of the deal for the visit was 24 hour armed guard. I was one of the guards.

One day in the news pretty soon after they got there a news story came out that one of the trainers was injured by Basi while giving her a bath. The story said Basi playfully swatted at the trainer.

Wrong. I was on that night and in fact that was the night I was allowed to pet the bears. After that the trainer was working with them doing their stupid tricks. Basi was not in the mood to twirl hoops on her arm and pretty much made it known she had enough.

The trainer started wailing on Basi and Basi got pissed and swatted or what looked like to me, punched that bitch in the leg. Peeled her skin right back. I was the only one there behind the enclosure but there were a few people, chinese officials, zoo officials, like that out front in the viewing area watching.

Basi nailed the bitch and stood over here for a minute and then walked away. The lady looked at me and said help with her eyes since no speaky engrish. I went inside the enclosure and carried her out.

Big herreo with chirese. They rikey me very much.

Then they made me sign all kinds of shit saying I would never do what I am doing right now. Tell someone
Click to expand...

lol panda king right here
 
whaling, not wailing

I need to go back and change my greatest achievements to be a link to this thread :spineyes:
 
The first project I was put on in my current job was doomed to fail. It was about 2 years behind schedule when I was thrown at it and was gating our time to market on a critical new product. Myself and my lead were BSing about what would happen in a year's time when the deadline came. I made a joke which turned out to be a fucking brilliant alternative solution. We pitched the alternative, met skepticism but eventually got approval. Met the needed deadline while spending 20% of the budget of the original task, saving over $1.2M. Zero to hero, got a promotion and a sweet bonus.
 
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