t-272267 Rules for Being a Republican... [Flat] - TribalWar Forums

Rules for Being a Republican...

Pages : [1] 2 3 4

AngusMustang
02-05-2004, 07:58 AM
from here. (http://www.lyingsocialistweasels .com/rules_for_being_a_republi can.htm)

Rules for Being a Republican


1.Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery".

2.You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3.You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4.You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

5.You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6.You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7."Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

8.You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9.You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10.You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11.You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas whilecutting their VA benefits.

12.You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13.You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14.You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15.You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16.You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

17.You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18.You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19.You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

20.You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21.You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22.You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23.You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24.You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

25.You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

Toaster
02-05-2004, 08:02 AM
:rolleyes:

except


12.You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.


:rofl:

fedex
02-05-2004, 08:03 AM
dumb.

Xapz
02-05-2004, 08:05 AM
Rules for Being a Democrat:

1. Make chain mail and use your Al Gore given internet to bomb everyone with it.

Beezlebub
02-05-2004, 08:05 AM
9.You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

this one made me spit out my cheerios.

Zombie
02-05-2004, 08:07 AM
15.You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.


15.You have to believe that HMO's and insurance companies are wrong and that government medicine only has your best interests at heart.

logmans
02-05-2004, 08:08 AM
heh kinda funny. you are gunna get flamed for it though

Yoda
02-05-2004, 08:08 AM
I'd say pretty accurate

AngusMustang
02-05-2004, 08:10 AM
heh kinda funny. you are gunna get flamed for it though

onos.

Zombie
02-05-2004, 08:10 AM
18 pages by lunch

logmans
02-05-2004, 08:11 AM
however it's gunna take them a bit cus at least 5 GOP members are bsy writing their own lists to respond with right now

AngusMustang
02-05-2004, 08:12 AM
however it's gunna take them a bit cus at least 5 GOP members are bsy writing their own lists to respond with right now

bet they're stuck on #2.

mznthrope
02-05-2004, 08:12 AM
Rules for Being a Democrat:

1. Make chain mail and use your Al Gore given internet to bomb everyone with it.

When I first read this, I thought you meant chain mail, as in the armor, and not chain mail, as in spam, so I was a little confused. :)

Anyway, :roller:

Scud
02-05-2004, 08:14 AM
If it in on the interweb then it must be true.

Austforbeer
02-05-2004, 08:17 AM
:lol: ns

Fuzzy Lumpkins
02-05-2004, 08:19 AM
Wow, I've always considered myself a Republican but never
had a set of rules to follow until now.

Thanks!

Zombie
02-05-2004, 08:20 AM
RULES FOR BEING A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Zombie
02-05-2004, 08:21 AM
Rules for being a Democrat

Being a drug addict is a perfectly acceptable if you are related to the Kennedys.

You have to believe that those privileged from birth know what's best for those of us that work for a living.

You have to believe that the United States should let the UN determine what is best for the United States

You have to believe that government knows what's best for everyone and should legislate accordingly.

You have to believe that pollution is such an evil thing that you should make it impossible for companies to do business in the United States.

You have to believe that prayer in schools is so bad that they should be banned on a federal level instead of giving local school districts the right of self-determination.

"Standing Tall for America" means telling everyone that disagrees with you how stupid they really are.

You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted to own a handgun to defend herself against the recently released serial rapist who managed to convince everyone that the liberal rehabilitation process he just experienced was succesful.

You have to believe that while there might be a god, it's wrong for people to believe in one.

You hate the ACLU for representing Oliver North but you love them for protecting the right of Louis Farrekahn to be a loud-mouthed anti-semite.

You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is by micro-managing the armed forces from the White House.

You believe that group sex and drug use are things that only the Kennedys should be allowed to do.

You have to believe it is wise to give 12 year old kids condoms and tell them it's okay to go out and have sex because they can always get an abortion without parental permission if they get pregnant.

You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is by using the tried and true "Neville Chamberlain" method.

You have to believe that government medicine is the best medicine because the government has proven time and time again that they know best how to manage things.

You have to believe that providing health care to everyone is a constitutional right gauranteed by the one of the amendments written by someone, somewhere, hang on , I'm looking for it. Let me see, I thought it was right over here next to the hole in the Constitution where the Second Amendment used to be.

You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are clear factual evidence that we should tax away peoples ability to smoke and drive.

You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was right in Vietnam but wrong in Iraq, even though the Vietnam conflict lasted 10 years and we've only been in Iraq for 10 months.

You have to believe that Saddam really wasn't a power-hungry mass-murderer and if we simply poked him with a stick, he would have relinquished power without any bloodshed.

You believe that the Constitution is really just a "guidline" and it's okay to limit personal freedoms as long as it's done in the name of "safety".

You have to believe that when the President lies under oath, the public doesn't need to know about it.

You have to believe that the President should not be allowed to censor sensitive documents in the name of national security but it's okay for the First Lady to participate in "insider trading".

You support state rights, which means only those rights that the federal government feels don't intrude upon any federal legislations regarding health care and safety.

You have to believe that if you don't keep talking about Clinton and his marijuna use, everyone will forget about it because no else but you is talking about anymore.

You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because Kennedy said it was.

BlueSoxSWJ
02-05-2004, 08:22 AM
In defense of my Republican friends, I must point out that Republican != Bush. Even Republicans are allowed to disagree with some of his policies.

I am about as far to the left as you will find on this forum, and even I can see that.

NoGodForMe
02-05-2004, 08:29 AM
Dumb