My life as a flashlight

Day 1- I am sealed in my brand new package and shipped to a store west of here. Oh what a joyous day it will be when I am free from this plasstic encasing shielding me from the wondows of the world.

Day 2- A man, seems to be early 40's comes into the hardware store. He asks where he can purchase a flashlight, and he picks me! Me! of all the flashlights who could have chosen, oh wonderful day, I cannot wait to start my career as a flashlight.

Day 3- I am left alone in the basement for now, but what is this? A light from the door to my room? May this be my oppurtunity? A young boy holds me in his grasp, and begins experimenting, but gets bored quickly by my shining beams of light, he uses me for a different purpose. Suddenly he raises me into the air and slams me into his own wrist repeatedly. The pain is immense! I shall never forget this day.

Day 36- Young boy has been glued to a blue computer screen for 10 days straight with injuries by means of flashlight all over his body, I begin to feel sorry for him, but I am just a flashlight without batteries, I no longer serve my purpose.

fin

YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!
PURE GENIOUS

brought 8 tears to my eyes

I am such a poet

This may very well be the best parody thread in existance.

Originally posted by Leech
This may very well be the best parody thread in existance.

you forgot the part where he shoves the flashlight up his ass and gets x-rays.

Originally posted by Leech
This may very well be the best parody thread in existance.

15/10

Extra credit for the build-up at the start of the story.

20/10 - beautiful build up, excellent climax, very well done.

i've never liked parody threads, but this is an exception. :bigthumb: for rabid poop

11.3421/10

what thread is it a parody of?

http://www.tribalwar.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=1 74205

edit: im dumb, this parody is not

this is art damnit

I liked that story. I feel refreshed, like I just watched a good Christmas Cartoon.

How can you ever get bored with beams of light?

Originally posted by Ascoe
How can you ever get bored with beams of light?

the flashlights assumption was that he got bored, but he actually had no interest in the first place!

bump, I'd just like to point out the dramatic irony in this segment

Day 3- I am left alone in the basement for now, but what is this? A light from the door to my room? May this be my oppurtunity? A young boy holds me in his grasp, and begins experimenting, but gets bored quickly by my shining beams of light, he uses me for a different purpose. Suddenly he raises me into the air and slams me into his own wrist repeatedly. The pain is immense! I shall never forget this day.

now obviously the reader who knows this is a parody is aware of the situation, yet he gets to experience the struggle of the flashlight, and the change of emotions, quite enthralling.

fleshlight

rofl pure gold