t-574344 5 Soldiers that make rambo look like a ***** [Flat] - TribalWar Forums

5 Soldiers that make rambo look like a *****

Pages : [1] 2 3 4

02-05-2009, 07:53 PM
5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a ***** | Cracked.com (http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-*****.html)

One of these guys was a WWII officer who went into battle with a ****ing claymore

02-05-2009, 07:54 PM
one member that is one

02-05-2009, 07:56 PM
one member that is one

Never has your name been more apt.

02-05-2009, 07:58 PM

Thought thread title said "Rambro".


Kind regards

02-05-2009, 08:01 PM
good read

02-05-2009, 08:09 PM
5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a ***** | Cracked.com (http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-*****.html)

One of these guys was a WWII officer who went into battle with a ****ing claymore

Isn't that the same dude that got the only bow and arrow kill in modern history?

02-05-2009, 08:19 PM
You're ok for a kid of 13 or so. Good read

02-05-2009, 08:22 PM
that's ****ing harcore

02-05-2009, 08:24 PM
read the first one so far about hayha... thats one badass mofo lol. and in the end he ****in survived a shot in the head, wtf :o

02-05-2009, 08:29 PM
Reading further, I found an entry for Blackbeard:

Why He Had to Go

Blackbeard or Edward Teach was a famous English pirate and a massive ******* by all accounts. He had between fourteen and sixteen wives, most of them about a biscuit older than Dakota Fanning. One wife in particular would be routinely forced to run a train with the crew while Blackbeard watched and "buffed his peg leg" so to speak. He burnt hemp beneath his ... um, black beard, to make it look like he was breathing fire, which worked to intimidate his enemies but likely alienated his crew since such a stunt would make an 18th century pirate smell like a snowman made of dog****.

He'd also occasionally murder his first mate, just to keep everyone on their toes.

How He Went Down

Blackbeard eventually retired to North Carolina to spend his senior years rolling around in gold coins. But the Governor of Virginia put out a hit on Blackbeard, sending two ships after him, commanded by Robert Maynard.

Rather than running from the two enormous ships sent to kill him, Blackbeard boarded Maynard's ship. Well, first he bombed the deck with an assload of primitive grenades like Jim Brown in The Dirty Dozen. That's when things got all sorts of stabby. Blackbeard nearly severed the fingers on one of Maynard's hands with his sword, and Maynard broke his ****ing sword stabbing Blackbeard back.

At the end of the fight, Blackbeard had been stabbed twenty times and suffered at least five gunshot wounds, before bleeding to death while trying to reload his pistol to keep the party going. Maynard then cut Blackbeard's head off and hung it from the bow of his sloop, partly for effect but mostly because he needed the head to collect his reward. He was paid 100 pounds for his trouble, the modern equivalent of about $18,000 or a 2006 Buick Rainier.


02-05-2009, 08:30 PM
Holy ****... Worth the read, if only because it's funny.

02-05-2009, 08:33 PM
that's ****ing harcore

02-05-2009, 08:41 PM
The first guy (#5) should be #1.

02-05-2009, 08:41 PM
their K/D ratio is like 2000:5

02-05-2009, 08:48 PM
simohayha isn't dead, he posts here :X

02-05-2009, 08:50 PM
ggs nubs but a sniper OOB? that ****s gay actually get in fight like fur reelz. thats alota kills I think more than you could get in the ****er stirkes

02-05-2009, 08:52 PM
why the **** havent i heard of jack churchill

holy ****

02-05-2009, 08:53 PM
Bad ass, as were the 'Best Last Words', pretty cool ****.

02-05-2009, 09:02 PM
Audie Murphy


During the invasion of Italy he was promoted to corporal for his awesome shooting skills, and at the same time contracted malaria, which he had for almost the entire war. Try to remember that.

He was sent into southern France in 1944. He encountered a German machine gun crew who pretended they were surrendering, then shot his best buddy. Murphy completely hulked out, killed everyone in the gun nest, then used their weaponry to kill every baddie in a 100-yard radius, including two more machine gun nests and a bunch of snipers. They gave him a Distiguished Service Cross, and made him platoon commander while everyone apologized profusely for calling him "Shorty."
About half a year later, his company was given the job of defending the Colmar Pocket, a critical region in France, even though all they had left was 19 guys (out of the original 128) and a couple of M-10 Tank Destroyers.

The Germans showed up with a ****load of guys and half a dozen tanks. Since reinforcements weren't coming for a while, Murphy and his men hid in a trench and sent the M-10s to go do the heavy lifting. They got ripped to shreds.
Then, this five-and-a-half-foot-tall kid with malaria ran up to one of the crippled M-10s, hopped in behind the .50 cal machine gun, and started killing everything in sight. Understand that the M-10 was on fire, had a full tank of gas and was basically a death-trap.

He is a seriously tiny man.
He kept going for almost an hour until he was out of bullets, then walked back to his bewildered men as the M-10 exploded in the background Mad Max style. They gave him literally every medal they could (33 in all, although he had doubles of a few, plus five from France and one from Belgium), including the Medal of Honor.
After the war, he came down with Shell-Shock, and was prescribed the antidepressant placidyl. When he became addicted to the drug, rather than enter a program like some kind of sissy, he went cold-turkey, locked himself in a motel room for a week and got over it.

Not nearly as bad ass as #5-2.....

02-05-2009, 09:04 PM
:lol: More fun, this about Steven Segal:
Best Kills

Since one of the plot threads in Bruce Malmuth's Hard to Kill involves Seagal avenging his wife's murder, he has to run into her killer sooner or later. Fortunately, Seagal just happens to be holding a broken pool cue when this meeting takes place. Feeling somewhat angry, Seagal jabs the splintered cue into the man's chest by way of his ****ing neck and explains, "That's for my wife. **** you and die." Then, he kicks the dude in the face.

When the time comes to take down Marked for Death's funny-named Jamaican drug lord, Screwface (Basil Wallace), Seagal does not **** around. No, first, he CHOPS HIM IN THE DICK WITH A ****ING SWORD, then he cuts his head off, and then he shows the severed head to all of Screwface's buddies so they know for sure that he's seriously ****ing dead. This does not do the trick. See, Screwface has an identical twin brother he never told anyone about, so Seagal has to kill him all over again. (on Cracked: 10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh) Obviously annoyed by this point, Seagal takes out Screwface's eyes, throws him through a wall, breaks his back, and throws the now-paralysed man down an elevator shaft. The poor, blind, crippled bastard lands on some piece of metal down there and gratefully accepts the warm embrace of death as he is ****ing impaled.

When Seagal goes Out for Justice in the John Flynn film of the same name, that means he's ready for all kinds of wonderfully horrific violence, including pinning one dude's hand to a wall with a meat cleaver and messily blowing off another dude's leg with a shotgun. So, when crazy crackhead villain Richie Madano (William Forsythe) tries to attack Seagal with a corkscrew, you know you're in for something special. And you're right. That corkscrew goes right into Richie's ****ing skull like he was a bottle of cheap wine. (on Cracked: The 5 Biggest Mismatches in Movie Fight History)

When you think of the ultimate martial arts pairings in film, Steven Seagal vs. Tommy Lee Jones probably isn't the first one that comes to mind. To be fair, though, Jones' crazed ex-CIA character in Andrew Davis' Under Siege puts up more of a fight than most Seagal villains. Actually, their little knife fight is pretty cool, and it gets even cooler when Seagal buries his knife in the top of Jones' head and then shoves that same head through a computer monitor, you know, just to add insult to death.

In On Deadly Ground, the most outrageous death is reserved for some nameless guard, but whoever that guy is, he will forever be immortalized as the dude who gets stabbed in the eye with a hunting knife and then has his face shoved into a wall so hard that the blade comes out the back of his goddamn head.

It's not surprising for an action movie villain to fall off of something and then land on something else that ends up impaling him. It's sort of a genre cliché. However, Donald (John M. Jackson) the copycat serial killer/hitman (he killed Seagal's ex-wife and then crucified the corpse) in John Gray's The Glimmer Man goes the extra mile by picking a particularly interesting way of being impaled. After a short fight, Seagal apparently gets bored and just casually shoves this guy through a window. Donald then lands on the spikes of a wrought-iron fence, one spike under his chin and one through each of his wrists, in what may be cinema's first accidental crucifixion.

In the big samurai swordfight climax of Into the Sun (directed by a man who calls himself mink), Seagal just happens to spot the cowboy-hat-wearing yakuza who killed his fiancée. In Japanese, Seagal says to the dude, "I shall beat you to death." And then he does. Specifically, he hits that dude in the head with his sword until the dude ****ing dies.

Michael Keusch's Shadow Man might not be one of Seagal's better-known, better-liked, or better-made movies, but it does bear the distinction of being the only movie where he hits a dude in the chest so hard that blood leaks out the dude's back. See, in this movie, Seagal plays a master of something called dim mak, and he demonstrates this technique early in the film by hitting a watermellon in such a way as to make it explode from the inside out. Then, closer to the end of the film, he uses the same technique on one of the movie's villains. Needless to say, it kills the living **** out of that guy.

When Seagal catches up with the villain of Roel Reiné's Pistol Whipped (Mark Elliot Wilson), who happens to be his best friend and the new husband of his ex-wife, he isn't going to be satisfied with just shooting the guy. No, first Seagal asks his old friend whether he would like to be buried or cremated (answer: buried), then he kills the dude, then he stuffs the dude's corpse into the nearest car, and then he blows up the ****ing car. It's a special kind of mean when you make a point of finding out what a guy's funeral wishes are just so you can disrespect them.