[Sharted] Crisis Averted

Z

zeph

Veteran XV
I sharted, but I was quick enough to not have it get on my boxers! Curse this stomach flu. :shakes fist: Anyone else have stories of near misses?
 
I've been a bit sick lately and have been squirting like a mofo. If I feel I need to do anything resembling a fart, I'm waddling my ass to the bathroom as fast as I can.
 
the last guy i arrested shit himself.


and not in a "oops!" way

in a "2lbs of runny shit all over the fucking place" way
 
alcohol shits too (dwi)

He'll have a nice surprise when he goes to get his car out of the impound and finds the gift he left himself.
 
was at the bar with the wife and some other couples. this guy was sitting next to me, and we were facing another table at BWW. every so often we kept seeing this huge guy lean over and obviously fart, but he kept getting this look on his face like he was getting away with something. well his waitress was at the table, he leaned over, and then this complete look of fear/dread came over his face, at which point I started laughing, and the guy next to me whispers, "he just shit". we sit there for a second, and then see the guy get up and head to the men's room. he was taking the short route around the bar, so we jumped up and ran the long way through the restaurant, and beat him to the men's room and immediately occupied the two stalls. we hear the door open up, and then he just groans and says "aww damn". I couldnt help it I started busting up laughing, and then removed the toilet paper and handed it to my buddy in the other stall under that little partition. I got up, flushed, and said, its all yours and then washed my hands and left. apparently, he rushed into the stall after I left, and didnt realize there wasnt any shitpaper....he never came back to the table that night, so we couldn't laugh at him or anything..
cliffs: guy farts all night at the bar and acts like he gets away with it
he sharts and me and buddy notice.
we race to bathroom and occupy stalls/steal toilet paper
we laugh, he leaves.
 
heh, I had a near miss that turned into drippy shit in my drawers. I was holding the reah in for about 45 minutes - could not find a bathroom anywhere. Finally, I decide I'm close enough to home to make a break for it - like 10 minutes. We get there, I park, haul ass upstairs but the abdominal strain of climbing stairs was too much for the boiling pot that was my bowels. A decent squirt burst out, immediately soaking my arse with brown nastiness. Luckily I was home, and in the bathroom almost instantly, and I made it up way faster than my girl. I quickly removed the offending boxers, threw them in the trash, washed off my ass, and went commando so nobody would notice. when I had a free moment, I snuck into the bedroom and threw on some fresh boxers. nobody ever knew...... until now.
 
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