Mistake 25: Not warning before climax - Sperm tastes like sea water mixed w/ eggwhite

I'm going to discount that whole article on the count of the prostate remark.

Also, pineapple juice flavored cum ftw.

Wait... er, uh, that sounds gay...

But hey, my gf likes it.
 
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
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^^ THIS IS BULLSHIT

all girls like a good squeeze every now and again

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
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Also, bullshit there is time for exlamation point exploration as well as the rest.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
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My toesy's get cold :(

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
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Yet again, more bullshit. The "Jack-Hammer" method is a valuable tool in ur bedroom arsenal.

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.



21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
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Just like women....MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
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To use her own words: "You really ought to be able to tell. Most men make noise. But if you really don't know.."

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
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Thrusts happen.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
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Not entirely true. This chick is just a prude. Who doesn't like a pearl necklace?
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
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If you get pissy when a guy has to "take a break" then you better be more than willing to share the load so when its ur turn he doesn't have to take a breather.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
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Yes, none of THAT ^^ is cliche'. This is a complete contradiction to her entire list.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
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Some girls like being told what to do. Not to mention this is a two way street. If she want's it "harder" or "softer" or "omg like that" then she can listen to my words of advice like "take it all" or "yea, cup the balls" or "both hands".

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
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BS. All girls like nasty talk.
40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
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Yea probably shouldn't say "Thank you" but telling a woman how awesome she was never hurt anyones pride. Nothin like positive reinforcement to ensure a similar session in the future.
 
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Aside from a handful of those 40, any woman who wants her partner to follow all those rules is a boring fuck.
 
link_ said:
Yet again, more bullshit. The "Jack-Hammer" method is a valuable tool in ur bedroom arsenal.


To use her own words: "You really ought to be able to tell. Most men make noise. But if you really don't know.."
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I concur, the "Jackhammer" is a tried and true method of fucking.

And yes again on the blowing wad. That and some chicks like it, and like to be surprised by it.
 
Not warning my ex I was going to cum in her mouth (because she didn't like it) resulted in her getting shot in the eye when she realized it was spooge time and pulled away.
 
during felatio I LOVE holding her head and thrusting into it as hard as I can.... why would you just lay there?
 
link_ said:
Thrusts happen.
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Not too mention some girls actually like just laying there while you thrust. My girl lays on her back, head hanging off the bed while I have at it. Her idea too.


Sounds like whoever wrote this is only into traditional missionary sex. *yawn*
 
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
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:lol:
 
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