[Insult Help] Best friend introducing his new girlfriend tonight

H

Hive_Tyrant

Clambaked5
Veteran XV
So, my bud has been dating this girl for about 2 months now and he likes her a lot. He has been hesitant to bring her over here I think because I have a bit of an “in your face” personality and she is the daughter of a Christian minister.

Today is my birthday and he is bringing me a gift. He stated that he would be bringing his new girl with him. He asked me to “be on my best behavior”. This of course has forced me to get in at least one good shot. I need an opening line. Here’s what I have so far:



Me: Matt? She doesn’t have a hunch back. What were you talking about?
.
Me: Nice to meet you Pam.
Her: My name is Sarah.
Me: Matt? Who’s Pam?
.
Me: Nice to meet you. Hail Satan.
.
Me: You’re not as cute as the stripper he brought over here last weekend.
.
Me: Ohhh! We’re going to get along just fine! I love fat girls!



I don’t know much about her, only that she is slightly plump (though not grossly so), has long dark hair, and is very sensitive about her “minister” father.

I figured the best place in the world to find a good snipe would be TW.
 
No, that's over the top (she might actually find that funny)

Just tell her, "so, I finally get to meet the girl who does the tongue thing"
 
Personally, i'm hoping that the next thread you post will have a title like this-

[so]My best freidn beat me and left me for ded.
 
If you get around to playing "never have I ever" or any other of those girly drinking games, say "Never have I ever brayed like a donkey when having sex." and then stare directly at her. You're friend might not get laid for a while, so he might get pissed at you.
 
Me: Nice to meet you Pam.
Her: My name is Sarah.
Me: Matt? Who’s Pam?

That works. Go with a better name than Pam though.
 
My roomate, and buddy since HS, dated a girl named Carla. He is now dating a girl named Clara.

We call his current girlfriend (Clara) by the name Carla so frequently, that he now does it sometimes :)
 
so you're one of those people who sits in his basement all day thinking up the perfect burn, with the assumption that it will make him look funny
then when you try it, you look stupid
 
T-Funk said:
so you're one of those people who sits in his basement all day thinking up the perfect burn, with the assumption that it will make him look funny
then when you try it, you look stupid
Click to expand...

Lighten up and stop being a little bitch.
 
me stop being a bitch?
let go of your insecurities and meet your buddy's girlfriend without putting on a show
 
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