what do you think of this as a cover letter? (for a resume)

B

BadMoFo

Contributor
Veteran XX
Dear Human Resources Manager,

Please accept my resume for the Systems Administration position. This position sounds like an excellent opportunity for a person with my specialized technical skills, experience and motivation to learn.

I have demonstrated a high degree of creativity, enthusiasm and responsibility in my work as a Systems and Network Administrator. I am confident that I can make a significant contribution to your company immediately, and play an increasingly important role in the years to come.

Why choose me over other candidates?

 Wide range of technical expertise and skills
 Results oriented team player
 Strong conflict resolution skills and the ability to communicate effectively
 The ability to excel in acquiring new skills and knowledge
 Solid written and oral communications skills and the ability to establish positive rapport with co-workers, supervisors and customers.

If you have the need for a professional, highly skilled Systems and Network Administrator please review the attached resume. I may be reached at the above phone number or E-mail address if you would like to discuss how my experience can benefit you.

I am ready to talk with you at your convenience and look forward to your call.


Sincerely,
 
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Also, give an example or two backing this up "I have demonstrated a high degree of creativity, enthusiasm and responsibility in my work as a Systems and Network Administrator." from your previous places of employment. If possible, list ways you saved the company money. Don't list stuff like "Upgraded email servers", etc. That's part of your standard job. Give examples where you exceeded expectations and saved the company $$$.
 
The whole team player, works well with others is repeated too much. Think of other skills or talents to put in there rather than listing team player 4 different times.


"Results oriented team player"?
 
Nice... Add to the "Why hire me over others" section:

-I'm bigger then you, and will hurt you if you don't hire me.
-If hired, I can double as hired muscle when needed.
 
yeah thats listed in the resume under my work experience stuff...

do you really think a summary of past successful projects should be listed on the cover letter?

or explained in more detail in the meat of the resume?
 
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SureShot said:
The whole team player, works well with others is repeated too much. Think of other skills or talents to put in there rather than listing team player 4 different times.


"Results oriented team player"?
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I guess by results oriented I am trying to communicate that I get the job done.

it just sounded like a cool buzz word lol
 
I think you should go with this:

Dear Fuck Face,

Please accept my cock in your ass, if that will bag me the Systems Administration position. This position (you bent over your desk with me riding you like a Catholic schoolgirl in Texas) sounds like an excellent opportunity for a person of my specialized sodomization skills, experience and motivation to inflict anal injury whenever possible.

I have demonstrated a high degree of creativity, enthusiasm and responsibility in my time as a sadistic motherfucker (why do you think they call me BadMoFo?) I am confident that I can make a significant contribution to your anus immediately, and play roughly with your tiny, girlish testicles, until the tears come.

Why choose me over other these other assholes?

 Wide variety of sex toys (the ass-spelunker 2400 was recently added to the collection)
 Rectal-oriented cream sprayer
 Strong cock masturbation skills and the ability to ejaculate effectively;
 The ability to beat you like a whore while I fuck your wife; I have a bigger dick than you;
 Solid fisting and oral degradation skills and the ability to establish my dominance -- through testicular flogging -- over co-workers, supervisors and customers.

If you have the need for a professional, highly skilled sadomasochistic motherfucker, please review the attached resume (take note of the wad of shit I smeared at the bottom, to serve as my reference). I may be reached at 866-BadMoFo, or via E-mail at badmofowillfuckyourwifelikeadirtyslut@tribalwar.com, if you would like to discuss how my dick might better serve me ... in your eye socket.

I am ready to piss in your mouth at your convenience, and look forward to your call.

Sincerely,

Bad "YOUR FUCKING ASS MASTER" MoFo
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It's definitely more your style.
 
First Paragraph:

Yuck. I suggest...

Thank you for the opportunity to present my resume for the Systems Administration position. I believe I have the technical skills, the experience and the enthusiasm to fulfill all of your requirements.

choose > chose

"The ability to excel..."? blah. You DO excel. Get rid of "I am a fast learner." Redundant. Try "Excellent at acquiring new skillsets with a strong thirst for knowledge."

Last Paragraph:

You already know they have the need, else they wouldn't be soliciting for the position, try a slightly differect tact...

If you want a professional, highly skilled and reliable Systems...
 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with a sentence or two pertaining to your last 3 places of employment (at most). Something like:

"You'll benefit from my ability to increase efficiency. At <company name>, I did <this> and <that> which saved the company <enter dollar amount here>, while decreasing administration costs, etc.

Not that exactly, but you get the idea. A cover letter is a great place to speak in more non-technical terms that an HR person would be able to relate with (saving the company $$$). After a paragraph or two of concrete examples, you could close it out with:

"Now, I'd like to bring this expertise to work for you."

and this is good:

"I am ready to talk with you at your convenience and look forward to your call."

but this maybe (imo) sounds a bit more professional and convincing:

"I look forward to speaking with you soon about the results you can expect from me."
 
MolimOrion said:
but this maybe (imo) sounds a bit more professional and convincing:

"I look forward to speaking with you soon about the results you can expect from me."
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ew. I have to disagree. Too self-masturbating. He's got it right.

Or change it to something like "I look forward to discussing the requirements..."
or "... the details..."

Move the focus to the job, not me-me-me-me.

Personally, I'd go with a very simple:

"I look forward to discussing your requirements at your convenience."
 
nspectre said:
ew. I have to disagree. Too self-masturbating. He's got it right.

Or change it to something like "I look forward to discussing the requirements..."
or "... the details..."

Move the focus to the job, not me-me-me-me.

Personally, I'd go with a very simple:

"I look forward to discussing your requirements at your convenience."
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Maybe the wording isn't exactly right, but as for the tone I think "me me me" is the way to go. This is the time to brag about yourself, speak as if you've already got the job, be confident, etc. Make it sound as if you are 100% confident you are the one for the job, no matter what other resumes they get.
 
BadMoFo said:
yeah thats listed in the resume under my work experience stuff...

do you really think a summary of past successful projects should be listed on the cover letter?

or explained in more detail in the meat of the resume?
Click to expand...
explain in the resume

the cover letter should just be basic info about you for contact stuff
 
MolimOrion said:
Maybe the wording isn't exactly right, but as for the tone I think "me me me" is the way to go. This is the time to brag about yourself, speak as if you've already got the job, be confident, etc. Make it sound as if you are 100% confident you are the one for the job, no matter what other resumes they get.
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No, no, no, no. You will slit your throat right there.

You save all that for the actual interview. The cover letter is just to say Thank You and to lightly promote yourself. If you brag on the cover letter you're just going to be round-filed. HR has to go through a crap-load of these things and if it comes off as too self-gratifying, too illiterate, too demanding on the HR person, etc, they immediately throw it away.

You want the cover letter to just say Thank You, I'm very interested in the position, I honestly think I'm an excellent match for the position and I'd be very happy to discuss it with you in further detail at your convenience.

That's it.
 
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