t-24790 Christmas is over, and here's why. [Flat] - TribalWar Forums

Christmas is over, and here's why.

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12-19-2000, 03:52 PM
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or
Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for
Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the
population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per
household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one
good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks
to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is
to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill
the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh
and get onto the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the
earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes
of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a
total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This
means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the
speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle,
the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a
conventional reindeer can run at 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds),
the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On
land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting
that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't
be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them.
This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another
54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the
ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates
enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion
as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per
second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously,
exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their
wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a
second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not
that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop
to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of
17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned
to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his
bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa
did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.

12-19-2000, 03:54 PM

12-19-2000, 03:56 PM

XZiler8r [MHz]
12-19-2000, 04:03 PM
Dude thats so ****in hillarious, I started to cry at that last paragraph from laughin so hard!!!!! ROFL

12-19-2000, 04:15 PM
Haha! Pacha, that was a masterpiece :P

This only further goes to show the un-tapped talents of team 4.


12-19-2000, 04:15 PM
Still, no one has PROOVED that he doesn't exist! :D

XZiler8r [MHz]
12-19-2000, 04:16 PM
dID U MAKE THAT up or did u copy it from somewhere

12-19-2000, 04:22 PM
didnt you know? santa pauses time.

12-19-2000, 04:23 PM
:lol: That is brilliant. Well done. :)<br><font size="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial"><font color="#CFE8FF">
[This post was edited by: Mithix on 12-19-2000 at 05:29 PM]</font></font>

12-19-2000, 05:09 PM
my god.. dont you have anything better to do with your time!? ;)
i stopped believing in the big fat dood when i caught my dad eating the cookies i left for santa...

12-19-2000, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by Mithix
:lol: That is brilliant. Well done. :)<br><font size="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial"><font color="#CFE8FF">
[This post was edited by: Mithix on 12-19-2000 at 05:29 PM]</font></font>

eh? I got this as a forwarded chain letter 6 years ago.

Anyway, this can be explained 1 way:

Santa is magical, and can stop time.


12-19-2000, 05:21 PM
There's a flaw in your thinking para... you forgot that Santa always goes HO HO HO (as in heavy offense for dumb ppl) so his body doesnt get crushed, plus he has a UR e pack.

12-19-2000, 05:52 PM
ono mistar satna!!1 tAHtssa tmy pack0x0r!!11

unfortunately i can't claim credit for that. i got it from a design site that quoted it off http://www.dreamless.org

It is funny, tho. i bust a gut with the "ludicrously slim santa" part.


12-19-2000, 06:32 PM
yeah, that is like, soooooooooo last year.

12-19-2000, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by Vlasic

eh? I got this as a forwarded chain letter 6 years ago.

Anyway, this can be explained 1 way:

Santa is magical, and can stop time.


vge, of course he's magic. that's the only explanation

12-19-2000, 07:39 PM
If Santa was real, his seemingly unexplainable ability to travel faster then light would have been exploited by the military by now.

Enlightened One
12-19-2000, 07:49 PM
Santa is like the general of the christmas army. He's the figurehead who really doesn't do anything but plan out the attack. His lower ranking officers oversee a certain state, with lesser elves managing an area code, and even lower ranking "platoon leaders" overseeing each street within that area.

12-19-2000, 08:03 PM
There has always been one Santa. Back in time, he could handle the entire load. Now he has thousands and thousands of elves that do most of the work. His main job is just making a list and checking it twice, to find out who was naughty and nice. Come on guys, get it straight. There is a Santa, he's got a great crew working for him

Merry Christmas All. Hope the holidays bring you 'excessive happiness.'


12-19-2000, 09:56 PM
The reindeer don't "absorb" all of that energy, they are natural conductors. I thought everybody knew that :)
If Edison had tried reindeer follicles for lightbulb filament we'd still be using that today. Maybe

12-19-2000, 10:24 PM
vge, of course he's magic. that's the only explanation

The other explanation: Santa's a franchise. He's happily sitting in Hawaii raking in the profits and bombing down eggnog whilst all the daft buggers that bought in do all the work.